? for anyone whose had kids in preshool or daycare

fitzzoo · Oct 17, 2005

Mommy guilt is a terrible thing, isn't it?

I too have struggled with it since going back to school. I spent 5 years at home having and raising 3 lil boys before I went back. My oldest started Kindergarten (now in first grade) so that kept him distracted. Due to scheduling nightmares I broke down and had to put my youngest in childcare at 18 mo. this past Jan. He did fine while is almost 4 yr old brother was at the same school. But I had to move the 4 yr old in April and things went downhill for the youngest immediately. He became clingy, hysterical and would wake up crying not to go to school. By July I moved him to the preschool the 4 yr old was going to. He was familiar with it from drop offs and pick ups of brother. He ran right in and loved/loves every minute of it.

So, for me, keeping them together has made a world of difference in their behavior and happiness, thus lessening my mommy guilt. (But it never goes away entirely!) It also makes for fewer stops during busy, stressful days. But don't do it unless the quality is there for both children.

Good luck - and ease up on yourself. :)

gauge14iv, MSN, APRN, NP · Oct 17, 2005

Take the 4 year old to the preschool where she will be more stimulated and closer to you, send the 20 month to a provider who can meet her needs at this time, but see if you can get her on the waiting list for the same preschool as your 4 year old.

They wouldn't be in the same classroom together at any daycare outside of a home daycare situation anyway. Maybe you can find a relative or friend who would watch your 20 mo old so it she wouldn't experience so much anxiety over seperating.

If you get the younger child on the waiting list, chances are a spot will open up before you know it and you will have them both in the same place again.

How many hours a week are you taking them to care?

I understand your feeling pulled - these are tough decisions, and ultimately you want to do what is best for BOTH children!

FNPhopeful · Oct 17, 2005

Hi, thanks guys. I am really far from any family and I dont know anyone where I live now. So childcare is my only option. I want to keep it as minimal as possible- a couple half days of preschool for my 4 yr old and my youngest only in care for the hours Im in class. (For one Chem class+ lab) I'd be right there picking up my baby as soon as I was done. Its just HEART WRENCHING when they cry for you not to leave them thats why I thought if they were together they'd ease into more. But the above poster is right too, no facility lets the babies mix with the preschoolers. So I still dont know what to do....Its hard to do what you instinctively feel is right when all the options make you feel bad....

stpauligirl · Oct 17, 2005

Hello, my kids are 20 months and 4 yrs old ( 2 girls). I am grappling with childcare/preschool issues for next spring when I will need it in order to take my BioChem. My 4 needs preschool soooo bad she is social and outgoing but bored at home with me.
I actually got my 4 into the preschool at the university with me which I am sooo happy about but they cant take my 20 month also.
I so wanted them to be in the same place, but this preschool is awesome. Should I make the effort to find a place they can be togther thats a daycare and preschool or would it be no big deal to have my 4 at the university preschool and my younger one at a place (maybe in home) where they take care of younger ones.
Im just really feeling guilty about seperating them- especially the younger one who will have seperation anxiety.
I have some comfort in having my 4 on campus with me, but my younger one wont be able to be there.
Im having mommy guilt what do I do??? I need advice from other mommies. Whats been your experience? The thing is there's not many daycares in this town and it would hard to find a place that has room for both. I found an in home care that can take both. But she doesnt even have other 4 yr olds there. What would be the point in that for my 4? I feel so bad for even considering giving them over to anyone at all...ahhhhh.....
Please advise.....

If both would be in the same facility they would be in different groups with different caregivers and wouldn't spend time with each other. So it wouldn't reallly matter if they are at different places. One concern is that it might be a little much for you to drive to two different locations. You say that the preschool is good, that's important! Find good quality daycare for the little one. BioChem is a hard class and you don't need worries on top of it!

Please don't feel guillty. It is good for children to be exposed to other children and it prepares them for school. You are not leaving them for hours on end.....part time is great for all!!!!

gauge14iv, MSN, APRN, NP · Oct 17, 2005

You know part of seperation anxiety is instinctive - back in the cave days, if there had been no seperation anxiety, babies would have crawled out of caves and away from mommies...I always found that sort of funny...Some of the anxiety is purely her developmental stage.

It *IS* gut wrenching to have to leave your child when she is crying for you. You can hug her, reassure her you will be back and she will be fine. Yes she needs her mommy, but her mommy needs to take a class too :) Chances are she will adjust and love the time with mommy AND the time she gets to play. And just think how happy she will be to see you when you come back...

Part time absolutely is a great thing

Catsmeow · Oct 18, 2005

Hiyah,

Don't feel bad Mommy. Put them in the separate schools, like the other posters mentioned it really doesn't matter if they are in the same school, the 4 year olds class is busy with their own activities and wouldn't be stopping by to see the babies anyhow (...the 20 month olds in the pre-school my (4 year old) son attends are kept in a different section/room altogether for safety and don't even play with the bigger children.)

See if you can find a daycare or home situation for the baby either somewhat near your college campus, OR, somewhat near the work/home of another adult in your life like a Daddy or Grandma or Grandpa that can zip to the daycare/homecare situation if there's a problem. I've tried to arrange it so that if there's a problem with my kiddos while I'm in classes the schools will contact Daddy/Grandma first and not pull me out of classes. (Generally problems that happen are gonna be minor, feeling urpy or forgot something they needed that day, etc.)