Personal life is taking a hit

[Jamuhh]

I hope I'm not the only one going through something like this. Not that I would wish it on someone else, but who wants to be alone? Misery loves company.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and some months, and we always talk to each other as if we're going to be together forever. But since I started nursing school, things have just gone down hill. First he was worried that it would take up all of my time, to which I insisted that I would make time for him. Shortly after that he told me that he didn't like the fact that I was going to have to be touching other males (for instance with catheters) and that he felt it was the same as cheating. & now he's sort of put that out of his mind and decided that it's all really about me not having enough time, and that I'm happier in nursing school than I am with him and that he's being replaced.

I usually spend Friday evening through Sunday afternoon with him. I don't study, I don't do homework, I just spend that time with him. & I feel like that's a lot of time that I'm sacrificing. I also feel like I'm being blamed for something that's not even my problem. He graduated in April and has yet to find a job, so of course he's bored at home playing video games all day and because I'm out being productive he's jealous. It's also taking a toll on his self esteem as I'm sure is obvious just from my description of him.

I know we've kinda lost that "spark" that every couple has when they first start out, but I still feel strongly about him. & it isn't that I'm happier in nursing school, it's that it's something new and exciting - unlike our relationship at this point. & it's also that we just don't really like many of the same things. When we hang out on the weekends, we don't really go anywhere except out to eat. He likes to go out to the bar, and I don't drink! I like going to the symphony, and he hates classical music! ahg!

I've already considered couples counseling, but he doesn't like the idea. I'm just really feeling like it's time to end things, but I hate that it would be over something stupid like my choice of profession. & I am not about to give up nursing for a guy!

ugh. well, just wanted to rant, but any feedback would be nice...

[SnMrsSmiley]

he sounds incredibly immature and unsupportive. Love him or not if he were mine i would have left him. thats just my personal opinion i know everyone else will have a different opinion. your nursing degree will last you a lifetime.... this guy doesnt seem to want to stick around long enough for you to get through the program no way hes going to stick around for the rest of your life. Im sorry i really am, i know i sound harsh but geeez he sounds like a jerk!

[EricJRN, MSN, RN]

One of the best quotes I've ever heard came from a previous boss of mine, when one of my coworkers said that her husband didn't want her leaving town on a required trip that was part of the job agreement.

"Well, sure sounds like you need a new husband... but I doubt you're going to get rid of him, so may I suggest a new job?"

In your case, you know where you want to go career-wise, and it sounds like you're realizing what needs to happen in your personal life in order to get there. I'm really sorry that things are going down this way with him.

[Jamuhh]

You're fully entitled to your opinion! :)

Sometimes he can be a jerk, especially when it comes to me doing nursing. & I don't know why, because he says if it was something else he'd be cool with it. (well, that hardly matters because he doesn't get to choose my career!)

I just don't want to end our relationship over something like this... especially since I know it's really not about me being a nurse, it's about him not having anything to do and feeling worthless, but I can't help that!

Thanks for your input. :)

[Jamuhh]

Interesting quote :)

Yes... I guess I'm realizing that, but not really wanting to... I'm trying to stick it out right now to see if we can work it out, but if we can't then that's where it's going.

Thanks!

[symphie]

I know you said you don't want to end the relationship over this when you can see that the real reason is that he's bored/without a job/in need on self-esteem, but I think this is more indicative of a problem than anything else. When things get tough for one of you, you still need to be able to support the other one, not bring them down with you. That kind of relationship will never work. You have to be a team with every aspect of your lives. Not having things in common isn't that huge of an issue. Arguing about time together isn't that huge of an issue. But him not supporting you just because he's going through a rough patch is definitely a big red flag in my opinion. Just my ...

[Jamuhh]

Thanks, symphie. I see what you're saying. I guess i just need to let it go. I know it's not good for my health either.

[Boog'sCRRN246, RN]

Ughhhh...this guy has WAY too much time on his hands.

#1.) Why is he just sitting around playing video games all day instead of getting out and looking for a job?

#2.) Did he seriously compare handling male patients genitalia to cheating? How old is he?

#3.) You keep saying you don't want to end things "over something like this" or "over something stupid like this"...honey, this is your future career you are talking about! That is a deal breaker. Either the man you are with fully supports your choices and encourages you to be the best you can be (up to and including encouraging you to be the best "man handler" out there)...or he acts exactly the way your current boyfriend is acting.

[LTV950rn]

The entire weekend with him? Wow, I wouldve lost my mind not doing any homework on a weekend!

I have to say, his behavior is not a good sign. He sounds insecure and selfish. No matter what, don't let it impact your studies and don't ever consider quitting for him! ( its sad, but it happens). I have a friend from my RN program who had a similar situation. Long term relationship, even lived together. Last semestet of our program, is decides to start whining about how he feels "neglected", overall was unsupportive and started accusing her of cheating on him! (As if she would have even had time!). Turns out, HE was the cheater! She kicked him to the curb, got through the program, passed boards, and is working as an RN now. It was rough though.

Good luck to you and be proud of yourself- its not easy to get through the program, and I say that as a person who was lucky to have a super supportive husband through it all. Enjoy this time and cast all negativity away!

[Poi Dog]

All I hear from him is, "Me, Me, Me."

What about you?

You are trying to better yourself and he cannot support that?

He is being selfish and not allowing you to grow.

Your dream is too become a nurse, don't let his negativity stop you from doing that.

Maybe I am old and jaded, but I would have told him: Peace out.

Do you.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

He is a loser. Get rid of him.

[grudgrime]

When I was young I was in a similar situation. I chose my career and have never looked back. (At the time, he was the love of my life, all I could see was us getting married one day. But at the same time I had an adult choice to make that would effect the rest of MY life.) I wanted someone to support me and to help make things seem right, not complicate them. Please understand I am in no way advising you to take any certain path, but to think about what you want for your future.

Think of it this way...If you give it up or can't keep up in class, what will you do with your future? Sit around and play video games with him to keep him happy?

Ten years from now where do you see yourself.

If he does get in the way of your future will you hold it aganst him? If so, what is the point.

You have to decide what is best for YOU right now and go for it.