Patients say the funniest things...

[brewerpaul]

(Moderators-- this might make an entertaining "sticky" topic)

Yesterday we had a 61 year old woman in the OR for an excisional hemorrhoidectomy. She'd had a bit of pre-op Versed and as we got her into jacknife position with her bare butt up in the air she commented "I haven't been in this position in ages!" :chuckle

Anyone else have any good ones to share?

[santhony44, MSN, RN, NP]

Had a pt's spouse who was making fun of the pt's parts during our pre-op interview, pre op TKA. She and SO talked about how if the girls wearing the pretty hats started laughing, that meant the blankets were off. When we said that he would be getting warm blankets prior to getting sleepy, she responded that she hoped that we could work while laughing hysterically. He laughed. I felt a little bad for the patient...if my SO mocked my body prior to surgery, I would be angry. I guess different people deal with things different ways.

If you're saying what I'm reading into this, then I'd be angry, too. I think what she was saying is mean and emasculating.

I can't imagine many men finding humor in their SO joking about their genitalia, any more than women would like their SO joking negatively about their breasts.

[zerby1470]

Exactly.

[santhony44, MSN, RN, NP]

Another one, from the same OB rotation lo these many years ago...

The patient, also under the influence of twilight sleep, needed a foley placed, so one of the students was going to do the honors. The rest of the group was needed to help since the patient was not fully A&O. I was at the head of the bed to hold the right arm as needed; my classmate, Suzanne, was across from me, at the left. There was a window directly behind Suzanne. Somewhere in the process, the patient tossed her head back and forth on the pillow and muttered something. Suzanne leaned over her and said, in her quiet, caring nursing voice: "Excuse me?" The patient's eyes opened. She yelled, very loudly, "I said Carpet Country!" Suzanne jumped back- I thought we were going to lose her through the window!! Carpet Country was the name of a local flooring establishment.

[Annony RN]

Just the other day I heard the most unusual answer to the CRNA's usual question o the way back to day surg "Everything go OK for you? Have any pain?" etc. Pt said, "no, something is wrong, I don't remember anything after we left my room! I feel like I fell asleep."

Umm... before having him sign the consent for anesthesia didn't anyone explain that one of the "side effects" is falling asleep?

[HeatherB,CST]

My brother was given a decent amount of versed while a vascular guy and an intern attempted to get a central line going for SIX HOURS...lotsa scar tissue in that "neck" of the woods, apparently.

Anyway, at one point, the older doc was coaching the young guy through the prep, saying "apply the betadine all the way from up here (his chin), and down to his nipples."

At the word nipples, my brother giggled like crazy, and said "Sorry, I just thought there would be a medical term for nipples!"

The older doc just looked at him as deadpan as can be and said, "There is. It's nipples."

"Heeheeheeheeeheeeeee he said NIPPLES again..." this went on for hours...and he has no memory of it at all! LOL

[lpnstudentin2010, LPN]

My brother was given a decent amount of versed while a vascular guy and an intern attempted to get a central line going for SIX HOURS...lotsa scar tissue in that "neck" of the woods, apparently.

Anyway, at one point, the older doc was coaching the young guy through the prep, saying "apply the betadine all the way from up here (his chin), and down to his nipples."

At the word nipples, my brother giggled like crazy, and said "Sorry, I just thought there would be a medical term for nipples!"

The older doc just looked at him as deadpan as can be and said, "There is. It's nipples."

"Heeheeheeheeeheeeeee he said NIPPLES again..." this went on for hours...and he has no memory of it at all! LOL

That is amazing. I can see the circle that that could go in.

[natrgrrl]

...he said NIPPLES again..." this went on for hours...and he has no memory of it at all! LOL

I cannot stop giggling! Thanks. I need a funny little story that I can remember when I am feeling blue. And this is it!

[elizabells, BSN, RN]

Hey, nipples is a funny, funny word. I'm giggling my butt off over here, and I just scrubbed my kitchen floor, so there was quite a lot of bad mood to get past, kwim?

[S.N. Visit, BSN, RN]

Last night, I was in the process of getting a set of vitals on an elderly demented female. She says to me "Are you going to shave and circumcize me now!?!

[CIRQL8]

We had a surgeon that did ALL A&P repairs under spinal with sedation....

We were positioning a patient in the stirrups, and she looked up at the CRNA (the ladies swoon over him) and told him that as long as she were in that position, he could take advantage of her if he wanted.

One of the CRNAs was having surgery, and as her anesthesia provider was pushing the propofol, she motions her to come closer and whispers "don't you just HATE it when a patient wants to talk just as you're pushing the propofol?"

And I just HATE it when the patient is telling a great joke that I've never heard before, and they fall asleep just before the punch line!