Patients say the funniest things...

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(Moderators-- this might make an entertaining "sticky" topic)

Yesterday we had a 61 year old woman in the OR for an excisional hemorrhoidectomy. She'd had a bit of pre-op Versed and as we got her into jacknife position with her bare butt up in the air she commented "I haven't been in this position in ages!" :chuckle

Anyone else have any good ones to share?

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Specializes in Operating Room.

I was helping Endo do a colonoscopy a couple of years back and this middleaged lady started moaning her husbands name while the scope was up there. At first I thought she was in pain but some of the stuff she said afterward(too raunchy to say here...:uhoh21:) blew that theory out of the water!

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Specializes in OR.

I had a male patient ask me if I'd be inserting a foley after he went to sleep. When I told him yes he asked me to remember that it was very cold on the OR. He was worried about shrinkage :lol2: Sienfeld anyone?

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I have had several people in endo who were having a double scope to say, “If I wake up with a funny taste in my mouth, I will know you went in the wrong end first.” For those not familiar with endo, separate scopes are used not the same one as many patients think.

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I have had several people in endo who were having a double scope to say, "If I wake up with a funny taste in my mouth, I will know you went in the wrong end first." For those not familiar with endo, separate scopes are used not the same one as many patients think.

Or, they went in the right way, but went too far...:no:

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Specializes in ER, PCU, ICU.

A few years back, I was taking care of a 90 something year old Alzheimer's pt that was incontinent. She'd been stooling several times that night. Every time we'd go to pull her up, she'd mumble some incomprehensibles, but overall was cooperative.

We'd been cleaning her up pretty much every time we'd turn her. On one of the late morning turns, the charge and I boosted her up in bed and had her flat on her back. Her knees were drawn up and locked together. As I worked to pry her legs open to check for soiling, she continued to shout, 'oh yes, darling, oh yes!!" over and over. You can see where this is going... I chuckled.

As I got her legs apart, she changed her mantra and repeatedly proclaimed, "ring the bell honey, ring the bell, ring the bell, honey!"

The charge nurse looked at me and asked, "I wonder if she means what I think she means." I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Case Management, OR.

Um, well, I apparently was a hoot when I had a colonoscopy last year. It was in early December and I woke up towards the end of the scope and said, "Is that my colon???" and pointed to the screen. I heard, "She's awake!" And it went black again. I woke up in recovery to my husband at my side and the nurse saying, "She's been holding onto those pictures for awhile and has a really good grip on those...she also wanted to let you know she wants to make these your Christmas cards this year."

Oh, it was also the first time I've ever had Versed.

:uhoh3:

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

Years ago when I was a nursing student, we were in our OB rotation in a hospital that was still using Twilight Sleep.

The doctor came in to check this one particular patient's cervix while several of us students were standing around watching. The patient was pretty groggy but evidently did not like what he was doing.

She tried to swat his hand away, saying something like "Stop that, Fido!"

It didn't faze the doctor, he just kept right on doing what he was doing. We all just looked at each other with these stunned expressions!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Versed has some really weird effects on my inhibitions.........in fact, it completely erases them. It's like truth serum, only worse, because I talk about things that never even occur to me in my everyday, waking life!

The first time I ever received the medication was for my first kidney-stone extraction. My friend, an OR nurse, was pushing the Versed slowly into my IV, and all of a sudden it was "HEL-LO!!!" It was the best stoned I've ever been in my life! I had the docs in stitches, firing off dirty jokes at machine-gun speeds; then when they were anchoring me down on the table, I looked up at this really great-looking CRNA and said "You know, I never have been into the kinky stuff, but YOU might be able to change my mind..........":imbar:eek::chair::sofahider

The next time I went in for surgery, I noticed that they didn't give me quite as much of the "happy medicine" as before............

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

Fortunately, while Versed makes me talk a blue streak, I'm still pretty well in control of what I'm saying!!!

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I just remembered one from a few weeks back...

I was working on a cysto case. The patient was a 30-something woman who was in for something like a cysto/retro with conscious sedation (versed/demerol). At one point I was standing by her side and she mumbled something quietly. I asked her what she had said, and she repeated "I'll bet I have the best looking lady parts in this room..."

I REALLY had to stifle myself on that one!:D

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Had a pt's spouse who was making fun of the pt's parts during our pre-op interview, pre op TKA. She and SO talked about how if the girls wearing the pretty hats started laughing, that meant the blankets were off. When we said that he would be getting warm blankets prior to getting sleepy, she responded that she hoped that we could work while laughing hysterically. He laughed. I felt a little bad for the patient...if my SO mocked my body prior to surgery, I would be angry. I guess different people deal with things different ways.

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