I'm 25 years old and have worked in LDRP for a year, and don't have children of my own. I find that I'm occasionally asked by both labor patients and pp moms whether or not I have kids. Once I admit that I don't, I sometimes feel that I get looked down on. For example, one time I was asked the question right after spending an hour helping a mom breast feed and learn infant care and feel really good about things, and as I walked into the hallway after I heard her grumbling something to her husband about it.
Do any of you find yourself in this situation, and how do you respond in a way that upholds your credibility and still lets the patient know that you are sympathetic to what they're going through? I feel like I've been trained pretty well and can offer good information and advice. It's frustrating because it's not like oncology nurses need to have had cancer to be good at their job, and all labors are different so even if I did have a child it could have been a scheduled c-section, and I still wouldn't have had traditional labor experience anyway.
I'm a postpartum nurse and I have two kids. With my first, I had a labor nurse who had never had children. (I called and asked who all was working and picked her, lol.) She was great... I totally give her the credit that I was able to have a natural delivery in a hospital setting. You may get some comments from people but don't let that get you down.
You don't have to have kids to be a good labor nurse. You are right... every labor is so different that personal experience doesn't really help that much. What felt good to me in labor won't feel good to you. How I felt contractions won't be the same way you experience them.
In some ways, I was a much better nurse before I had kids. I was more understanding of patients because I didn't really know how bad things hurt. Now, I'm more like "oh please... you had a lady partsl delivery two days ago... quit whining for pain meds". So, personal experience certainly didn't make me more understanding, lol!
I absolutly love labor nursing , the pateint, the a&P, the families , the commonsense nursing interventions, the nursing process as you decide what to do for your pateint. Saving lives by running in a bag of fluid, calming a girl who is screamign at the top of her lungs , the quite deliverys that flow so nicly and sweetly. I could go on forever
I just Love l&D but even with all of that - I never ever would want to experance what women go threw. Stll i have 5 shoe boxes full of cards telling me how much good i did for pateints and how much they value my care. So forge the peopel who say "you need to have had kids" Bah! bah! I say
Specializes in Emergency Nursing, CPEN, Pediatrics, Obstetric.
Well, another male ob here. I guess it really comes down to each patient percieves us as nurses differently. Just because a small number of women will not accept that someone without kids can be an excellent ob nurse does not mean the majority of women will even care enough to ask. Nor is it wrong of those who do doubt you, shrug and go on. Believe me, as a guy in this field, I've done that a few times. I have, unfortunately, seen some of the nurses come accross to their patients as been there, done that, particularily with very young pts who have limited pain tolerance. To the OP, as I said, shrug it off. Just as a patient is never expected by myself to have to justify why she would not want a male nurse, so neither do these patients. Who knows what their opinions are and who cares, as long as their right is respected and you continue to take great care of the hundreds of others who won't even ask you.
I have been an OB nurse for many years and I have had relatively few pts ask me about "my kids" or "my pregnancies" I have not experienced it because of infertility problems and it is too late now.
I HAVE however recieved tons of cards and emails telling me how much they loved having me as their nurse or childbirth education instructor. I get great reviews from my pts to my nurse manager frequently. And I have couples coming in to have their second or third and requesting me to be their nurse again!
So I would say NO you do not have to have children to be a GREAT OB nurse. Just treat your pts with respect and care and professionalism.
Specializes in ER/Nuero/PHN/LTC/Skilled/Alzheimer's.
I don't care how many kids the nurse has. I've known plenty of people with a carload of kids who I wouldn't get advice from on how to wash my dog, much less childcare advice.
However, if I ask my nurse a question I would hope that they would be able to answer me or get me the info. Knowledge isn't something you can fake.
I totally agree with the others. This subject came up recently at my workplace when a patient's husband was asking every nurse that entered their room, "How long have you been a nurse?" and "How many years have you been doing Labor and Delivery nursing?"
My response was, "If I was a cardiac nurse and never experienced a Heart attack would that mean I don't have the experience or knowledge to care for you?":yeah:
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
There are oncology nurses who have never had cancer
Nephrology/renal nurses who have never had kidney disease
Pedi nurses who can't remember their own childhoods
Hospice nurses who are not in the death and dying processes themselves
all of whom are excellent in their care
get my drift? Women and men who have never birthed children themselves, can and do make phenomenal labor/delivery nurses. I work with them. Don't let that stand in your way. It takes passion and the right education and experience. And you will be the best, too!
being a good nurse is about knowing how to be a good nurse not a good pateint. Having kids does not mean that they know what you are going threw (the expeance is different for everyone) haveing 10 babies doesnt teach you to talk someoen threw the pain or the pushing and definatly doesnt teach you what to do in emergencies.
Many times the nurses without kids are the younger ones. newer nurses are going to gush over you and feel bad for you when you hurt. they are full of the of passion and amazment. the more experanced nurses are going to make sure you and your baby live and some of us still are very passionet for OB.
Really you cant pick nurses based on anything other then maybe recomendations. I have worked with good and bad nurses new and very experanced. in a pinch id say take the more experanced but many many of them are just burned out.
So don't ask if someone has kids if they don't it is kinda dishartning for them. For me I assume they are tryign to figure out weather or not im gay lol - eitherway it is a horrible indicator for the care you will recive
I know this is an older thread, but I just had to comment on this one as I get this all the time.
I am 27 and look a lot younger. I work Mother/Baby and get this question a lot. Many moms ask it after they have given me a compliment like, "you are so good with babies, how many do you have?" To those I usually try and cover up whatever tention would be there with humor. I usually say something to the effect of "I don't have any kiddos, I take care of babies all day and then go back to my nice, quiet house." or "I have one, but he is 27 and most people refer to him as my husband."
Then there are the ones who there perception of me changes as soon as they are answered. To them, I say that I have been doing this for over a year and have seen more than any mother when it comes to newborns. I say this nicely, but with confidence and it usually difuses the situation. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I know that I am a competent and caring nurse, if they would rather have a nurse with kids that is their decision. I have to respect that. I can say that this has only happened once and the pt actually called my manager in to tell her that I gave very good care, but she was just more comfortable with someone who had kids. LOL She was very worried about getting me in trouble even after I told her it wouldn't be a problem.
you know, i have three children. i am not a nurse. (i am currently working as a maid while i go to school). from my own experiences, i would perhaps rather have a nurse who hasn't had children! all of the nurses i had were knowledgable. however, when i had my second child i had an experience that helped me decide this. after he was born, the nurse began massaging my belly. now, i understand the importance of this, i really do. after my first son was born i remembered that this is uncomfortable. however, for some reason it hurt so much worse after my second child was born! i was crying and telling her how bad she was hurting me. her response? "you know i have children myself, and i know it doesn't hurt that bad! just deal with it!" i could not believe she said that to me! this was the only time i had been told something like that, thank goodness. i guess my point is, sometimes not having experienced what your patients are going through must be good, right? i'd rather have a compassionate, caring nurse anyday over one who isn't because they have "experienced" whatever it is i'm going through!!! :)
Why is this such an issue with people? I didn't question the oncology nurses when they treated my mom, I just assumed they had not had pancreatic cancer! It was very apparent that they were highly skilled and dedicated. It's not fair to judge OB nurses this way.
paintedbison
24 Posts
I'm a postpartum nurse and I have two kids. With my first, I had a labor nurse who had never had children. (I called and asked who all was working and picked her, lol.) She was great... I totally give her the credit that I was able to have a natural delivery in a hospital setting. You may get some comments from people but don't let that get you down.
You don't have to have kids to be a good labor nurse. You are right... every labor is so different that personal experience doesn't really help that much. What felt good to me in labor won't feel good to you. How I felt contractions won't be the same way you experience them.
In some ways, I was a much better nurse before I had kids. I was more understanding of patients because I didn't really know how bad things hurt. Now, I'm more like "oh please... you had a lady partsl delivery two days ago... quit whining for pain meds". So, personal experience certainly didn't make me more understanding, lol!