Patient reactions to L&D nurses who have never had children

[BarkowRN]

I'm 25 years old and have worked in LDRP for a year, and don't have children of my own. I find that I'm occasionally asked by both labor patients and pp moms whether or not I have kids. Once I admit that I don't, I sometimes feel that I get looked down on. For example, one time I was asked the question right after spending an hour helping a mom breast feed and learn infant care and feel really good about things, and as I walked into the hallway after I heard her grumbling something to her husband about it.

Do any of you find yourself in this situation, and how do you respond in a way that upholds your credibility and still lets the patient know that you are sympathetic to what they're going through? I feel like I've been trained pretty well and can offer good information and advice. It's frustrating because it's not like oncology nurses need to have had cancer to be good at their job, and all labors are different so even if I did have a child it could have been a scheduled c-section, and I still wouldn't have had traditional labor experience anyway.

Any advice or input?? Thanks!

[imenid37]

You are very correct, many nurses have never had cancer, CVA, or an MI. It doesn't mean they can't take care of a patient with those conditions. You have the knowledge. Some patients are just come off as rude. I have three kids and I use a little of my personal experience BUT the vast majority of what I do for patients is guided by my nursing knowledge. I am sure you are doing a great job. Unfortunately labour is difficult and breast feeding is too( those babies never seem to pay attention to the great videos they show in class) and many new parents (not most) are just not happy with the way things go. Many times, a few months later, they "get it" and realize it would've been hard no matter what. Sometimes as a nurse, you will think your nursing knowledge will help you when you have your own kids (if you choose to). Actually, you are in a different place as a mom than as a nurse, so you will often feel some of the same things you have seen your patients feeling, despite your wealth of knowledge. Don't always take what patients say personally. Fatigue, hormones, social situations, and life in general are influencing how they learn and what they feel. It is often very hard for us to get through at this point, no matter how hard we try. I get frustrated when I keep telling a patient something and they have to check w/ their girlfriend to see if it is valid and then it becomes a great idea!

[Nidawi]

you know, i have three children. i am not a nurse. (i am currently working as a maid while i go to school). from my own experiences, i would perhaps rather have a nurse who hasn't had children! all of the nurses i had were knowledgable. however, when i had my second child i had an experience that helped me decide this. after he was born, the nurse began massaging my belly. now, i understand the importance of this, i really do. after my first son was born i remembered that this is uncomfortable. however, for some reason it hurt so much worse after my second child was born! i was crying and telling her how bad she was hurting me. her response? "you know i have children myself, and i know it doesn't hurt that bad! just deal with it!" i could not believe she said that to me! this was the only time i had been told something like that, thank goodness. i guess my point is, sometimes not having experienced what your patients are going through must be good, right? i'd rather have a compassionate, caring nurse anyday over one who isn't because they have "experienced" whatever it is i'm going through!!! :)

[color=#483d8b]~n

[NewNurseyGirl2009]

Personally I would rather have a nurse who has had children. Not because she knows more or less but I would feel like she is more sympathetic to what I am going through. Professionally if I didn't have kids I wouldn't understand this. However, we have to try to understand our patients feelings, if we think they are valid or not.

[NurseNora, BSN, RN]

I have seen nurses who had "easy" labors pooh pooh a patient's pain experience because she knows that "it doesn't hurt that badly" as the above poster mentioned. I've also seen nurses who had unpleasant labor experiences be unsuportative of a patient's desire to avoid medication because they "know" that it'll become unbearable soon.

I've never had children and when I was still a young nurse, I felt a little uncomfortable about it. Sometimes I lied. Usually I just told the truth. Kept it short and simple without explanation or apology. Sometimes it helped to add something like, "In my experience with other laboring women I've found that many find ___ to be helpful. Others find ___ to be more useful for them." That indicates that you've been around long enough to have some experience and therefore some idea of what you're talking about. As your interactions continue with the patient, she'll see that you do know what you're talking about and she will begin to trust you more and more.

The older you get, the less you'll get asked about it. Now everyone assumes I'm a grandmother. Only the people who ask how many grandchildren I have get told that I have no children, but since I've been doing it long enough to have helped their mothers give birth, they accept me as an authority. Tincture of time cures many problems.

[mesixfuture]

I feel your pain, Girl. I've been a nurse for two years this June and I've always worked in women's and children's services and I have no kids. It comes up often, usually beginning as a compliment..."you must be so calm when your kids are sick," or "you probably did great in labor since you knew all the tricks". If it gets ugly, I just be the best nurse I can be. Telling them I know what I'm doing isn't as convincing as anticipating their needs and acting on those needs. Once I've anticipated and treated sore nipples, swollen perineums, sore backs etc. etc., they don't care quite as much whether I've personally experienced them or not.

[nursemedic78]

You think you've got it rough? Try being a male OB nurse.

[labcat01, BSN, RN]

Maybe you don't have children- but you have attended more deliveries then any woman will ever have. Perhaps you could somehow emphasize that point. I have two kids and as long as the LDR nurse respects my wishes during delivery and is a nice person - I don't very much care about the number of kids she has.

[CEG]

I find this a funny question, too. Most of our docs except for one are male- I am pretty sure none of them have given birth (and actually the female one has no children). I have two children myself and I do think that adds a certain touch of empathy for my patients from me, but I don't think that is true of everyone.

One thing to keep in mind is they may be impressed by your care and knowledge and are assuming that you have kids yourself and that's why they are asking. If I thought a nurse was terrible and didn't know anything I would be less likely to assume she had kids herself. In fact I would probably think "This stupid jerk doesn't have any kids."

I think a good answer is just to say "No, but I have been working here for X years and I have learned every trick in the book." or something similar. They probably don't mean anything negative by their question.

[TRINI_RN]

I find this a funny question, too. Most of our docs except for one are male- I am pretty sure none of them have given birth (and actually the female one has no children). I have two children myself and I do think that adds a certain touch of empathy for my patients from me, but I don't think that is true of everyone.

One thing to keep in mind is they may be impressed by your care and knowledge and are assuming that you have kids yourself and that's why they are asking. If I thought a nurse was terrible and didn't know anything I would be less likely to assume she had kids herself. In fact I would probably think "This stupid jerk doesn't have any kids."

I think a good answer is just to say "No, but I have been working here for X years and I have learned every trick in the book." or something similar. They probably don't mean anything negative by their question.

:yeah:Awesome point! I find it weird when pts act/feel awkward towards a nurse who does not have children, and have no problem with their male doctor (I doubt he's pushed one out, or breast-fed)!!!!

[HeartsOpenWide, RN]

You think you've got it rough? Try being a male OB nurse.

That is so LAME! People do not question MALE Obs...why the sudden question because you are a male nurse? I rather have a male nurse and a midwife than a female nurse and a male Ob....having a male OB is like having a mechanic that has never driven a car...sure I want to go into Ob nursing and then midwifery and NO I haven't had kids yet, but at least I have the equipment. I get the same training as those who have had kids; in fact I scored an entire level higher on our exit exams for our Ob class than a classmate that two had kids naturally and use to be an OB coordinator; I also got very high remarks from my instructor when applying to an OB preceptorship...nurses need to be empathetic not sympathetic...and you do not need to experience something to be empathetic....

My classmate who was a male was uncomfortable teaching a mom how to breastfeed because he "didn't have any" our teacher said, "have you had a heart attack before? you care for those kinds of patients"...maybe you can point this out to your patients.

[psalm, RN]

I have mentally apologized to my OB patients I worked with as an aide in a military hospital BEFORE I gave birth. It is true some women labor and give birth with no problems and relatively pain-controlled, but many are not.

Even without pain, the lack of privacy in the early stages, bugged me. Now, transition, I didn't care who was around, but the early stages...