Outgrowing Friends

leslie :-D · Mar 18, 2006

i'm not totally convinced that you being a nsg student correlates with the opposing views between you and your friends. don't you think you would feel the same way not being in the nsg profession?

your friends views border on precariously dangerous. these totally different perspectives are naturally contributing to the rift in your friendship, whether you're a nurse/student or not. just move on w/your life. and good luck.:balloons:

leslie

Multicollinearity, BSN, RN · Mar 18, 2006

I had a few friends like this a few years ago. For example one friend insisted on home births. She went too far, and I heard that she had twins at home, and one died.

I think the troublesome part is that these folks have a grain of truth in their opinions, but they take it way too far.

I frankly don't miss my previous friends who were like this. I would only regret that I didn't move on sooner. You need to hang around people who leave you feeling good about yourself-not those who fight you and lack respect for what you are doing.

clee1 · Mar 18, 2006

At 31, consider yourself fortunate (????) not to have outgrown them already.

Of all the "friends" I had when I was younger, only 2-3 of them do I still consider friends and remain in frequent contact with. Not to say that there was any "falling out" per se; just they moved on with their lives and I have moved on with mine.

Odd, when you think of it, how much importance you placed on your "friends" back in HS/College, and neglected the really important people in your life; like family.

mydesygn · Mar 18, 2006

I am currently just a nursing student, but am realizing that I am outgrowing a lot of my friends. I am going to assume this is a common thing as people move through life, but also as they become more educated. One of the areas I am conflicted about is that as a public health worker I will need to advocate things like vaccinations. My friends are against vaccinating their kids.
One lady tried to tell me that because of the chicken pox vaccination that we are breeding a stronger version of the chicken pox, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all.
One friend has a daughter who had a bad ear infection, yet she refused antibiotics. This group of friends are so "over-educated" by the internet about the abuse of antibiotics that they are against them completely and will risk a child's hearing or health. Yet, they give their children doses of colloidal silver daily or tea tree oil, excusing the dangers of using these "drugs."
Recently, I was caught up in one conversation with a friend of mine who was dx with Strep B positive and she is in her last trimester of pregnancy. She is determined to use tea tree oil and garlic (as a suppository) and have a home birth and risk her newborn's health (meningitis, pneumonia, etc.) Her reasoning for not wanting to go to the hospital for the birth and get antibiotics is because she is worried that she will be breeding a superbug of antibiotic resistance and also does not want her newborn to get thrush.
I have decided it really is best if I don't engage any of them in conversation as they are all so "internet smart" about healthcare. I feel like I am outgrowing my friendship with them as I don't share a lot of their viewpoints and in the end feel a bit isolated. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of things with my friends and also with people in general. I am sure on a daily basis as a practicing health care provider you run across people who think they know more about their health, especially because of a book or the internet.
I wondered if any of you have experienced this in your training or also as a professional and just wanted to chat about it a bit.[/quote
" Knowledge without understanding is a dangerous thing" Funny thing about the internet - I find patients who are well read but have limited understanding. I once took care of a patient whose infant had myleomeningocele who had read about latex allergy on the internet. He was completely paranoid about latex exposure and stated there would be no latex in his household until I reminded him that he would need to personally repaint every building he visited since most paint contains latex. I tried to gently explain that the latex allergies in myleomenigocele patients come from repeated invasive procedures not from random enviromental exposures but I really did get anywhere. I am so glad that patients have become better educated but unfortunately knowledge can be saddled with ignorance also.

JTAYLOR · Mar 18, 2006

I am currently just a nursing student, but am realizing that I am outgrowing a lot of my friends. I am going to assume this is a common thing as people move through life, but also as they become more educated. One of the areas I am conflicted about is that as a public health worker I will need to advocate things like vaccinations. My friends are against vaccinating their kids.
One lady tried to tell me that because of the chicken pox vaccination that we are breeding a stronger version of the chicken pox, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all.
One friend has a daughter who had a bad ear infection, yet she refused antibiotics. This group of friends are so "over-educated" by the internet about the abuse of antibiotics that they are against them completely and will risk a child's hearing or health. Yet, they give their children doses of colloidal silver daily or tea tree oil, excusing the dangers of using these "drugs."
Recently, I was caught up in one conversation with a friend of mine who was dx with Strep B positive and she is in her last trimester of pregnancy. She is determined to use tea tree oil and garlic (as a suppository) and have a home birth and risk her newborn's health (meningitis, pneumonia, etc.) Her reasoning for not wanting to go to the hospital for the birth and get antibiotics is because she is worried that she will be breeding a superbug of antibiotic resistance and also does not want her newborn to get thrush.
I have decided it really is best if I don't engage any of them in conversation as they are all so "internet smart" about healthcare. I feel like I am outgrowing my friendship with them as I don't share a lot of their viewpoints and in the end feel a bit isolated. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of things with my friends and also with people in general. I am sure on a daily basis as a practicing health care provider you run across people who think they know more about their health, especially because of a book or the internet.
I wondered if any of you have experienced this in your training or also as a professional and just wanted to chat about it a bit.

I have found that I am often outgrowing "friends" and leaving them behind only to realize that real friends grow with you and encourage your growth. What you are leaving behind are temporary acquaintances that would have been lost with any other field of study, job change or lifestyle change. People come into your life for a reason or a season and when the purpose is fulfilled, they're gone. True friends may not always agree with you but they listen and learn, use what they choose and discard the rest. What you are describing is no different from the nurse or nursing student's contact with other cultures and their cultural beliefs except that it is an American subculture for alternative medical treatment. I have friends who have some pretty outdated or old fashioned health beliefs as well as some that are founded in half-truths and a lack of education in the health field - which is normal and to be expected. It's easy to think that others should know what we know but if they haven't had the same education, how can they? As nurses, we can provide information but it's a "lead the horse to water" issue, we can't make people utilize the information. As long as you know that you have provided the best information that you can, you've done your duty. If they are true friends, they will still be friends even if they disagree with you - I have many diverse friendships and we don't agree on a great many things but we listen to each other and respect each others opinions. J

introspectiveRN · Mar 18, 2006

Hey "student"

I can certainly sypmathize with you as the same thing has also happened to me, just in a bit different way.

In your case, it does sound like your growth/learning via nursing school is directly affecting those former friendships because of their views on what they would probably describe as "allopathic" vs. "holistic" medicine. I would also say that a part of going through any education is gaining in emotional maturity (let's hope) and that is something else that is probably seperating you from your former friends. You are growing in wisdom and in knowledge while they are simply digging themselves even more deeply into their intolerant beliefs.

I have lost a few friendships since I started nursing school for many of the same reasons that you describe. And although at first it was really lonely, I am very happy with the way things are-- I feel free of alot of "dead weight" that these people were bringing into my life that I was not really aware of until after they left. I do have fewer friends now but, the quality of these friendships has the potential to grow in to something much richer than anything I had before.

Good luck to you...I know that it sucks right now but...you will find more folks that are better to you, appreciate you and what you have to offer and who you can learn and grow from as well.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Mar 18, 2006

Sometimes we do outgrow our friends and have to move on. As you said, it can be a little lonely and isolating.

It's maddening how much misinformation people sometimes have. We can only present the knowledge we possess and allow others to make their own decisions and hope for the best.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Mar 18, 2006

Nursing changes you from the inside out.

That, though you might not feel it right now, is a good thing.

We're here for you, too, so remember that, ok?

Jolie, BSN · Mar 18, 2006

We all have differences from our friends, some of which are tolerable, and others that are not. I hope you can take the good things "away" from your friendships and move foreward. I've never experienced such extreme differences over health issues that I found it necessary to back off a friendship, but I can see where you are coming from.

In my case, it has been more a matter of moral and ethical differences. Politics is another hot-button issue, but I have learned to just not discuss politics with certain people. Then again, political differences do not typically impact the immediate health or safety of anyone.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Mar 18, 2006

I don't think that nursing school or being a nurse had anything to do with outgrowing some of my friends. I think it had a lot to do with personal growth.

I was really good friends with a guy when i was 22, we were able to talk about anything, both working dead end jobs and barely getting by, while complaining about how things were, etc. But i moved away from that town, went to school, got a good job, went back to school to further that.

Recently i got in contact with that friend, read his online blog. He's still living with his parents, working when he feels like it, drinking in his offtime, and complaining about how everything sucks. We talked a few times, but haven't talks for almost 2 months now. We really don't have anything in common anymore. I mean, yes, my life sucked, but i did something about it. If i don't like something, i do something about it. He's meanwhile just complaining about it. As a result, we don't have anything to talk about.

He's got so much potential, but is doing nothing with it. That's his choice though, he's an adult. I just don't have anything in common with it anymore.