OB nurses, what do you do in adoption situations?

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What happens? What is your role? What do you say? What is appropriate? Any interesting stories on this subject?

Thanks! :)

That's not what you said in your previous post:

It was hard for me being a nurse and seeing this over and over again. In many instances, when the new mother was making her decision, I spoke very lovingly in favor of adoption. This was/is my opinion and I was entitled to it. If the new mother, however, was bound and determined to keep her baby, I was quiet.

Your opinions could have landed you in some serious hot water. Better you keep them to yourself when it involves *the* most important aspect of someone else's life. As a result of you speaking "very lovingly in favor of adoption," you might have persuaded a woman to give up her baby who now regrets it every single day. It was never your place to judge who was fit and unfit.

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That's not what you said in your previous post:

Your opinions could have landed you in some serious hot water. Better you keep them to yourself when it involves *the* most important aspect of someone else's life. As a result of you speaking "very lovingly in favor of adoption," you might have persuaded a woman to give up her baby who now regrets it every single day. It was never your place to judge who was fit and unfit.

It sounds like she was answering questions from a woman who was already considering adoption, not going in and just giving her unsoliscited opinion. I don't see anything wrong with discussing the pros and cons with a woman who wants to. I have also disclosed my own adoption and my feelings about it with women considering adopting out their baby. That doesn't mean I've pushed anyone into anything.

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It sounds like she was answering questions from a woman who was already considering adoption, not going in and just giving her unsoliscited opinion. I don't see anything wrong with discussing the pros and cons with a woman who wants to. I have also disclosed my own adoption and my feelings about it with women considering adopting out their baby. That doesn't mean I've pushed anyone into anything.

Sure, discussing pros and cons with a mother already considering adoption is wonderful. It helps the new mom figure out what is best for herself and her baby. However, judging from her own words, it doesn't sound to me like that is what was going on. She never said she spoke of how loving a mother/child relationship is, the regret she might feel, how much joy children can bring, etc. She says she spoke lovingly of adoption, and only when she didn't think there was ANY chance of the mom giving up the baby, was she quiet.

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That's not what you said in your previous post:

Your opinions could have landed you in some serious hot water. Better you keep them to yourself when it involves *the* most important aspect of someone else's life. As a result of you speaking "very lovingly in favor of adoption," you might have persuaded a woman to give up her baby who now regrets it every single day. It was never your place to judge who was fit and unfit.

Fergus 51 has it right. I never tried to persuade anybody to do anything. If they had already decided on adoption is when I made my feelings known. Not before. I NEVER tried to persuade a woman to give up her baby. Never. A nurse is there to care for the patient not try to bend her will. It's easy to judge who is fit and who is unfit for motherhood, but necessary for the nurse to keep her mouth shut. And that I did.

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Fergus 51 has it right. I never tried to persuade anybody to do anything. If they had already decided on adoption is when I made my feelings known. Not before. I NEVER tried to persuade a woman to give up her baby. Never. A nurse is there to care for the patient not try to bend her will. It's easy to judge who is fit and who is unfit for motherhood, but necessary for the nurse to keep her mouth shut. And that I did.

If the mom had already made her decision, then I believe sharing your personal story about adoption was a great thing to do. I'm sure it made her feel much better about the decision she made and hopefully set her mind at ease.

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If the mom had already made her decision, then I believe sharing your personal story about adoption was a great thing to do. I'm sure it made her feel much better about the decision she made and hopefully set her mind at ease.

Righto! Thanks!!

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I also had a baby at 17. My mother was a real tyrant through the whole thing, and wanted the doctors to knock me out and take the baby so I'd never see her... the nurse told her, "We haven't done that in this hospital for over 15 years!" If it hadn't been for the kindness and support of the nurses, I don't know how I'd have gotten through it. I had a c-section and was on the surgical floor, supposedly to 'spare me' the sight of other mothers with babies... but both roommates had lost babies and were kind of ticked off at me for giving mine up!

Thank God that the nurses knew my mother had no right to forbid me to see my daughter's father in the hospital, and that she had no right to yell at me in my room-- one nurse told my mother that since my blood pressure was already dangerously high, if she continued to yell at me, the nurse would have the security guard escort her out of the building! My mother snapped, "You can't do that! I'm her mother!" and the nurse said, "You're endangering her life-- I certainly can!" I was so grateful to that nurse for sticking up for me.

None of the nurses I had were in any way judgemental of me or my decision to give my daughter up for adoption... I was just a 'regular' mom on their shift. But they did show incredible courage in standing up to my mother and telling her to get off my back! :)

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I would just like to say thank you to all the nurses. I was on the other end of care, giving up my baby at the age of 18, and the nurses made it go a lot smoother for me.

At first, I said I just want to know what it is. Then When I heard my son cry, I changed my mind, I took care of him while in the hospital. It was hard. But having nurses there that were so compassionate made all the difference.

That is the one of the things that I will never forget: The care I recieved in such a tough time. I just want to say thank-you to all the nurses who go that extra mile to make sure the pt is number 1.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Wow these stories here really, really bring "it all home" for me. Thank you, those of you who shared such personal stories. They serve as a poingnant reminder to us as nurses, that our care does make ALLLL The difference. I am humbled.

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Specializes in Obstetrics, M/S, Psych.
I also had a baby at 17. My mother was a real tyrant through the whole thing, and wanted the doctors to knock me out and take the baby so I'd never see her... the nurse told her, "We haven't done that in this hospital for over 15 years!" If it hadn't been for the kindness and support of the nurses, I don't know how I'd have gotten through it. I had a c-section and was on the surgical floor, supposedly to 'spare me' the sight of other mothers with babies... but both roommates had lost babies and were kind of ticked off at me for giving mine up!

Thank God that the nurses knew my mother had no right to forbid me to see my daughter's father in the hospital, and that she had no right to yell at me in my room-- one nurse told my mother that since my blood pressure was already dangerously high, if she continued to yell at me, the nurse would have the security guard escort her out of the building! My mother snapped, "You can't do that! I'm her mother!" and the nurse said, "You're endangering her life-- I certainly can!" I was so grateful to that nurse for sticking up for me.

None of the nurses I had were in any way judgemental of me or my decision to give my daughter up for adoption... I was just a 'regular' mom on their shift. But they did show incredible courage in standing up to my mother and telling her to get off my back! :)

I'm glad your nurses stood up your mother through it all. Your choices were respected and honored, which is the way it should be. They should have had the forethought to not place you with mothers grieving the loss of their babies. That sure was not fair for you to have had to be in that environment. You would have been better off on the OB floor. But, the nurses support is the important thing and yes, you are a regular mom who made a loving, unselfish decision so your baby could have the best possible.

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Specializes in Obstetrics, M/S, Psych.
I would just like to say thank you to all the nurses. I was on the other end of care, giving up my baby at the age of 18, and the nurses made it go a lot smoother for me.

At first, I said I just want to know what it is. Then When I heard my son cry, I changed my mind, I took care of him while in the hospital. It was hard. But having nurses there that were so compassionate made all the difference.

That is the one of the things that I will never forget: The care I recieved in such a tough time. I just want to say thank-you to all the nurses who go that extra mile to make sure the pt is number 1.

Your sincere thanks are just the thing that keep nurses going, but as one yourself, you know that! I'm sure you are every bit as giving and compassionate as those nurses who were there for you. Someone has you in mind today for what you did for them. :)

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No. Not saying that at all. What I AM saying is that a child is BETTER OFF in a loving 2 parent home. After having 3 kids myself with a husband, I can tell you that a father/man is really needed. Being a single mom must be tough.

I was a single mom for about two years after I separated from my husband....and it was hard. But it's not necessarily true that a child is better off in a "2" parent home. My children were affected by my separation from their dad but my children still had "2" parents that loved them....just in two separate houses. I think that you saying that a child is better off in a two parent home is insulting. Not everyone is able to make a marriage work but that doesn't make them bad parents and that doesn't mean that the children involved are at a disadvantage.

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