OB nurses, what do you do in adoption situations?

estrogen · Apr 21, 2005

I am adopted myself and strongly strongly favor adoption. I used to work in a postpartal unit and it was most difficult for me to witness young, inexperienced single women keeping their babies. People are selfish to the max thinking of themselves only when many should be giving their babies to a loving 2 parent family that loves them.
I have seen single parenting firsthand (in my own family) and it's tough on everyone.
It was hard for me being a nurse and seeing this over and over again. In many instances, when the new mother was making her decision, I spoke very lovingly in favor of adoption. This was/is my opinion and I was entitled to it. If the new mother, however, was bound and determined to keep her baby, I was quiet.
I could write on and on about this, but suffice to say, if people started to think more about THE BABY and less about themselves, adoption would be more popular.

But you are NOT saying that all single moms are bad and selfish people for not wanting to give their children away to two-parent families, are you???

Jo Dirt · Apr 21, 2005

It is hard for me to understand how anyone would not want their baby. By the same token it is disgusting to see a newborn go home to a family of junkies.

Where is social services then?

brigaily2000 · Apr 21, 2005

Sing it sister. We are a very selfish society and most of these folks think of the baby as "their property" more than a separate and distinct human being with needs and rights.

amen. amen. amen. we redheads think alike!!

brigaily2000 · Apr 21, 2005

But you are NOT saying that all single moms are bad and selfish people for not wanting to give their children away to two-parent families, are you???

No. Not saying that at all. What I AM saying is that a child is BETTER OFF in a loving 2 parent home. After having 3 kids myself with a husband, I can tell you that a father/man is really needed. Being a single mom must be tough.

nurse_wannabe · Apr 21, 2005

I had one family who was pregnant with twins and was only keeping one. Didn't even tell the rest of the family she was pregnant with twins, we had to time when we monitered the babies since only her and her husband knew there were two in there. She had met the couple that was adopting the other child (they were keeping whichever one came out first) they were going to take summer vacations together so the kids would get to know each other.

That's about the saddest thing I've ever heard. Did they go through with it? I can't even imagine it.

sbic56, BSN, RN · Apr 21, 2005

No. Not saying that at all. What I AM saying is that a child is BETTER OFF in a loving 2 parent home. After having 3 kids myself with a husband, I can tell you that a father/man is really needed. Being a single mom must be tough.

(Sorry this is OT, all,but this post was begging a reply)

Be careful how you judge others by your own experiences. I raised my 2 sons alone and yes, it was hard, but very rewarding. I never once saw them as a burden and didn't wish for the day they would be grown, so the work would end. I never felt they would have been better off just by me being married. Indeed, it could have been alot worse. They grew up in a stable and very loving home. We remain close and at 25 & 30 they are sucessful, independent and well adjusted. Any single parent or couple would be proud if their kids turned out as they have.

sbic56, BSN, RN · Apr 21, 2005

It is hard for me to understand how anyone would not want their baby. By the same token it is disgusting to see a newborn go home to a family of junkies.
Where is social services then?

It's easier to understand that the mom may want the best for her baby and is wise enough to realize she is not in a position to deliver that. To me that is admirable and a true expression of love to let a baby go with that knowlege.

It is hard to understand that some moms don't realize that they may not be bringing their baby into a good environment. The inability to see what seems obvious does not make these people unloving parents. Most likely they are in denial of their situation and the negative impact it may have on their baby. Certainly, if the baby is endangered, intervention to protect should happen.

mugwump · Apr 21, 2005

That's about the saddest thing I've ever heard. Did they go through with it? I can't even imagine it.

yes they did. of course i don't know how it is going now it has been about 3-4 years

StarNurse2006 · Apr 22, 2005

I worked in PP as a CNA, and we had one mother who had twins (2 GORGEOUS baby boys, absolutely the most beautiful babies I had ever seen) and was giving them up for adoption. She had a CS and was pretty out of it, and her mother was there with her and a nurse and I helped the grandma to change and feed the babies. She explained about the adoption and said that her daughter had another son, about 18 months old, I believe, who had been adopted by the same couple, also at birth. Both the mother and her family were well aware that she could not care for anyone but herself (I believe there may have been some mental impairment on the part of the mother) and they were very comfortable with the situation. We just tried to keep Mom comfortable and help her care for the babies. Really, it was not at all akward and was very cool to be a part of. I think that adoption is a wonderful option and I hope that when I finish school and (hopefully!) am working as a L&D nurse I will be able to help other families deal with similar situations with as much ease as this one!

brigaily2000 · Apr 22, 2005

(Sorry this is OT, all,but this post was begging a reply)
Be careful how you judge others by your own experiences. I raised my 2 sons alone and yes, it was hard, but very rewarding. I never once saw them as a burden and didn't wish for the day they would be grown, so the work would end. I never felt they would have been better off just by me being married. Indeed, it could have been alot worse. They grew up in a stable and very loving home. We remain close and at 25 & 30 they are sucessful, independent and well adjusted. Any single parent or couple would be proud if their kids turned out as they have.

I am not judging you and anyone else. I am simply saying that the best thing for a child is being in a loving 2 parent family. My own grandchild is being raised by a single parent and very successfully, at that. So, I know it can be done. I would have preferred a 2 parent home, but it is definitely possible to raise a child singly. It is harder, though, but of course it can be done well. You obviously have.

stidget99 · Apr 22, 2005

I am adopted myself and strongly strongly favor adoption. I used to work in a postpartal unit and it was most difficult for me to witness young, inexperienced single women keeping their babies. People are selfish to the max thinking of themselves only when many should be giving their babies to a loving 2 parent family that loves them.
I have seen single parenting firsthand (in my own family) and it's tough on everyone.
It was hard for me being a nurse and seeing this over and over again. In many instances, when the new mother was making her decision, I spoke very lovingly in favor of adoption. This was/is my opinion and I was entitled to it. If the new mother, however, was bound and determined to keep her baby, I was quiet.
I could write on and on about this, but suffice to say, if people started to think more about THE BABY and less about themselves, adoption would be more popular.

I was 16 and rebellious. I got pregnant. I chose to keep my daughter. Then I had another 3 yrs later w/ the same father. We got married but for only a very brief period of time. With the love and support of my family, I raised my girls. Yes, we had very very hard times. Money was always tight. Somehow we made it through nursing school together---as a team. Today my girls are both productive members of society as I am. My girls never got into drugs, drinking, sex, or legal problems. They are both great kids and we have a wonderfully mutual respect for each other. My kids both knew (first hand) the hardships and are now more aware of how things are/were and are more determined than ever to "do things the right way". My eldest is married w/ two children of her own and my youngest just became an assistant manager at a bank at 21 years of age. I am very proud of the both of them.

Now I know that there are some young moms who did not do as well or were as lucky as I was. However, please don't judge the young moms. Not all of us are losers. We may be young but we have a lot to offer our children.

HisTreasure, BSN, RN · Apr 22, 2005

I am adopted by my aunt. My biological mother did not want me, and I was a nuisance, even as a newborn. At one month old I had a bout of colic(so I am told) and would not stop crying. My biological mother got frustrated and threw me against the wall, where I rebounded into my crib. :angryfire Both of my arms were fractured as a result. I was admitted to the hospital, and can you believe no one called social services? :uhoh21:

Luckily, my biological mother did not want me so she abandoned me in the hospital. Long story short, my biological mother's sister and husband wanted me and adopted me. I feel they are the most wonderful people in the world because they wanted me even though the doctors told them that I would never have use of my arms, and I was taken to their home in an upper body cast. This story is relevant to the topic in that when I was born my bio mom told a nurse she did not want to take me home. The nurse told her that she was just experiencing post partum depression and it was normal. I am blessed, though, and this story has a happy ending. I grew up in a loving household, married a very special man, had three beautiful children, and will be graduating in a matter of weeks with my Practical Nursing certificate.

Did I mention that my bio mom is a nurse too? WHO would give her a license after something like that?????