Husbands or S/O's at routine exam

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Updated:   Published

Wondering what your experiences or facilities policies are about husbands or significant others attending their partners routine gyn exams? I know it is fairly common for the husband to attend some or all of the prenatal / pregnancy visits. But what about the woman's partner attending routine or annual non-pregnancy related gyn exams?

Does your facility allow it or even encourage it? Are partners encouraged or allowed to accompany the patient to the exam room and remain for the exam? If allowed where you work, have you seen many partners attend the exam? How do your ob/gyn's feel about their patient's partner being present during the exam?

Thanks for any input. I'm trying to get a feeling for what the norm is.

KellNY said:

I understand the rationale behind it sometimes--you want to ask about abuse, past pregnancies/abortions, drug use, etc. But you need to look at it this way--some people need a support person. Maybe they're incredibly shy. Maybe they were victims of sexual abuse in the past and can't do a pelvic alone. Maybe the couple is really that close, and share things like that. Maybe according to their religion, the husband has to be a part of the medical decision making process. Maybe she doesn't care one way or the other, but the SO is very interested to learn about his partner's body.

I think it should be up to the patient. I'll even go so far as to say that I really don't think we need to do all that history-taking. Who cares if someone had abortions, previous pregnancies, etc., or what their mother or grandmother died from. Really, what is the real point of all that history?

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elizabeth321 said:
It isn't entirely up to the doctor....I have a job to do as well. No doctor that I work with in any area of my practise dictates how things will be done...esp during a gyne exam....I am the one that sets up, supports during and finishes up in the room long after the doctor leaves. I also had him swabs, makes sure equipment is accessible etc. This is in the er but often they are routine exams....

Is it ok if I share my opinion or do I have to agree with everyone else to be given that priviledge?

Liz

Liz, it might not really be safe to disagree too vigorously. People here tend to report you to the moderators if they find you offensive. Then you get sanctioned.

I agree that, in the ER, it MIGHT be a truly emergent situation, in which case the best thing to do is to not have the husband, boyfriend, SO present, despite the patient's wishes.

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Specializes in NICU.

I must be one of the wierd ones here. :lol2:

I just don't think I would feel all that comfortable with my husband at the foot of the table looking up my hoo haw, asking my GYN for an anatomy lesson. He has seen it all, and been through two childbirths, etc, but when it comes to internal exams, he doesn't want to be involved anyway, but I just feel better having him sit in the waiting room, or at home with our kids or whatever.

When I had my miscarraige, he hung out during the exam, but he was very uncomfortable, and hid in the corner with a horrified look on his face, but he did it for me because he loves me, and I was very distraught about the whole thing.

I guess I can say this--I certainly do not want to be present during my hubby's proctology exam either. I think GYN exams, and proctology exams are not only unpleasant, but embarrassing, and I don't get why you would want anyone there to witness that kind of humiliation, for a routine check-up.

Please please please don't take this as if I am dissing anyone who wants hubby there, or anything like that. This is just my personal opinion. I think if it is alright with the patient for SO/hubby to be there, and the doctor is fine with it, and SO/hubby is not in the way or being inappropriate, that it is just fine.

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Had my exam last week, and at least from the perspective of the question/subject of this thread, it went wonderful! I have to say that I really feel comfortable w/ my OB/GYN - he's one great doc. There apparently were a few cancellations that day, so instead of doing my mammogram then returning for my pap, etc an hour later, when they came out to get me for my mammogram, they said my OB/GYN could see me right after, and that the radiologist?? should take me to room ## after my mammogram.

Dear Hubby was with me in the waiting room when they told me this, and as I was getting up to go for the mammogram, he just asked the nurse if he could come - she didn't bat an eyelash, said sure, and she took him to the exam room while I did the mammogram - he ended up watching TV in the exam room while waiting for me.

Finally, when I got to the exam room, the usual chit-chat update w/ the nurse, take off your clothes, and my OB/GYN comes in - hubby had decided he wanted to watch, but we were both a little anxious as to how to ask/what to say - so hubby was kind of sitting on the filing cabinet next to the desk - my OB/GYN, hubby and I did the normal chit chat while my OB/GYN sat on his stool at the desk - when it was finally time for the exams, my OB/GYN didn't even call his nurse back in, he just did them w/o even paying attention to hubby standing there, and exam was done!

Didn't appear that my OB/GYN was bothered in the least by hubby's presence, or that he felt it was unusual for me to have someone there with me.

Just wanted to update everyone and say THANKS for your advice and re-assurances!

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Specializes in High Risk In Patient OB/GYN.

Yay! Glad it went well, and thanks for the update!

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Glad it went well. I got here too late to chime in. The family practice doc I work for would often look at the hubby and say 'I need to be here' pointing to the stool at the foot of the bed 'where do you want to be'. It was always kindof funny to see the husbands considering thier choice of HOB or FOB.

This particular doc is really big on teaching. He always shows the hubbies what the amniotic flood looks like pooling at the cervix, the nitrozine tape, the ferning under the microscope, etc. (Of course, only if mom and dad are interested in all this stuff).

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Specializes in NICU/Neonatal transport.
TrudyRN said:
KellNY said:

I understand the rationale behind it sometimes--you want to ask about abuse, past pregnancies/abortions, drug use, etc. But you need to look at it this way--some people need a support person. Maybe they're incredibly shy. Maybe they were victims of sexual abuse in the past and can't do a pelvic alone. Maybe the couple is really that close, and share things like that. Maybe according to their religion, the husband has to be a part of the medical decision making process. Maybe she doesn't care one way or the other, but the SO is very interested to learn about his partner's body.

I think it should be up to the patient. I'll even go so far as to say that I really don't think we need to do all that history-taking. Who cares if someone had abortions, previous pregnancies, etc., or what their mother or grandmother died from. Really, what is the real point of all that history?

Were you being sarcastic?

1 Votes
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

Hi Walker Shaw,

I am glad things worked out so well. It was as it should be in my opinion. Your choice to make.

I think that exams in the emergency room are a whole different discussion with different implications than a routine visit to the MD office and do not really apply in this situation.

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Specializes in UR/PA, Hematology/Oncology, Med Surg, Psych.

O.K., I'm going to be perfectly honest here. As a nurse I am uncomfortable with husbands/SO/etc.. being present during a routine lady partsl exam. For some reason it makes me feel strange, BUT I would NEVER let the patient know, or in anyway show my feelings. I believe that it IS the patient's call after all, and I just need to deal and put a smile on my face. Maybe I feel odd about it because it doesn't happen much where I work and as it becomes more common-place I'll get more comfortable with it.

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Snugglibumkins - Never to late to chime in, IMHO, thanks for your input - DH new where NOT to stand to avoid being in doctor's way, just that neither of us was all that comfortable as to whether he might be able to accompany me, or where it WOULD be permissible for him to stand, IF he asked to watch - glad to hear your family practice doc is the "instructive" type if that's what the patient/partner wants

CrunchRN - yes, the exam went better than either DH or I had hoped for, in all ways possible - I've got to believe that my GYN truly is one of the good ones

dream'n - first, I'm glad that you can keep your personal feelings out of the professional setting, and abide by the patients wishes (NOTE: I do NOT mean that comment to be SMART, and I do NOT mean it to be a "put you in your place comment") - as a patient, I just want to say that I appreciate a medical professional being able to handle things that way - way to go!!

I certainly don't think my GYN felt that way, and if his nurse did, she did an AWSUM job of hiding her feelings - DH said he was made to feel very comfortable, "have a chair hear, wife (me) will be brought back ASAP, watch TV if he want's, etc) - DH was never given the "eye" or told "don't touch," "warned" about anything, etc - his presence was just treated as simply routine, and he and I both appreciated that

I am curious though, if you will, as to why you think YOU are uncomfortable with a husband / SO being present for a routine lady partsl exam (again, I'm NOT trying to be SMART with you) - I suppose my "curiosity" regarding your feelings reflects my and DH's uncertainty as to whether DH could be present, and where he should "position" himself - IE: DH and I were uncertain / uncomfortable with requesting DH presence, because we were not certain how my GYN and his nurse would view our request - would we/DH seem perverted, would it be odd, etc - so since it would have made you feel uncomfortable, I'm trying to figure out why - hope this makes sense - maybe in discussing this both you, I and DH will gain a new found "ease/comfort level" with this.

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Specializes in UR/PA, Hematology/Oncology, Med Surg, Psych.

I don't know exactly why I get that uncomfortable feeling with a spouse/SO at routine exams. But I am certainly going to work on getting comfortable, for my patient's sake. I want my patient's to feel that they are the leaders of their own healthcare.

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