Funny OB things people say

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I'm sure we all have stories about patients requesting their "epidermal" and the likes of that, let's share some here. Now, while I never encourage laughing at or making fun of patients, this is a safe place among other nurses where we can find the comic value in some of these comments. I'll actually start us off by sharing a funny story about one of our OB doctors.

I had a patient with intact membranes that was having some very deep variables, she came in and saw the strip and said "Let's go break her water so we can put in an IUPC and amnioinfuse." I think as soon as she said it she wanted to take it back because she realized how stupid it sounded but it sure gave us all a laugh for the day.

Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.
pateint comes in (very scared) "my baby is having seizures!" - place her on the monitor and hear hic-ups

The first time I heard that it kinda flipped me out, though! It is a rather unique sound.

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Specializes in L&D, High-risk AP, rural hosp..

I was walking back from lunch break, just passing the OR suite, when a man approached me and asked if his wife's 'circumcision' was over.

Several pts/SO/family members wonder how the baby will come out if the foley cath is inserted. I guess many people don't realize there are more than one opening.

The clincher: a first time dad-to-be (totally serious) asked why it was that pregnant ladies have such "huge turds". He went on to describe the size and consistency of his wife's bowel movements. I had a really hard time keeping a straight face.

Love this post, it's keeping me awake in my quiet AP rotation.:lol2:

Alison, RN L&D

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I had a patient tell me she was having contraptions in her eucharist. As I knew she was a Catholic and that she was trying very hard to get it, I was able to walk out before I laughed. This was 15 years ago and I still remember it. After she had her baby, I helped her learn the words correctly. She was very receptive and very interested and I made sure to be very not teasing.

But I've always remembered it and when I hang up from a triage call and a nurse asks me what's up, I usually say "she has contraptions in her eucharist!". May the Catholic God forgive me!

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Specializes in ortho, surgical, long term care.
Our patients can't wait to "get my epidoodle cause it gonna hurt when that baby come out my dookie shoot".

:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle

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hmm ok

"can you tie my tubes for me?" "sure ill have the doctor talk to you about it" "no can you just do it?" "no thats surgery and you need a doctor for surgery" "no cant you just stick your fingers up there and do it?" (deep breath and pushed back a laugh) "no it has to be done in an operating room and they do it threw your belly" "oh , well my brother in law did it for me last time but they came untied. thats why i got pregnent" - yeah I wasnt gunna ask about that.

:omy:...WHAT!

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Specializes in PERI OPERATIVE.

I was doing pericare for a fresh c-section the other day and she turns to me and asked if her "toot" was clean.

:chuckle

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:chuckleI had a father of a baby who was very concerned about how his unborn child was going to breath after the membranes were ruptured....he said " well like when a fish is out of water they can't breath"...I couldn't help but giggle and ask him where his baby's gills were located...

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Several pts/SO/family members wonder how the baby will come out if the foley cath is inserted. I guess many people don't realize there are more than one opening.

Alison, RN L&D

I could not convince my old roommate that they were separate openings! She said she was sure hers were all the same hole. :rofl The funny thing is, I heard that she's a nurse now. Hopefully she's got it all straight now!

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Specializes in OB, Cardiac.

on ob yesterday, I had my pt sit in a wheelchair to be taken to her car. I put the baby on her lap & she began fumbling around....she asked where the seat belt was.....lol!

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What? I hear this all the time!

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you know, i was actually watching one of those "baby" shows on discovery health and the narrator referred to an induction as an "inducement!:confused:"

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Specializes in obstetrics(high risk antepartum, L/D,etc.

As an OB nurse who is retired for MANY--TOO MANY years, thank you for all the laughs.

I would like to add "upper dermal" to the list. I'm sure there are many others I could add, but my memory is not what it used to be. :yeah::chuckle:chuckle

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