Am I the only one who finds this disrespectful?

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

Right now there are two threads (one which was closed) devoted to "things you should know before coming into our department" and the tone of the thread is thinly-veiled contempt at ignorant, uneducated or silly things patients or patients' families say or do. I've been hanging around this board for a couple years, and these threads are a regularly occurring thing.

I haven't said anything in these threads, instead I just close the thread and move on. But whenever I read them, I can't help but feel how disrespectful these threads seem. I understand people are "blowing off steam" and all that, but I don't know. It still really bothers me, and makes me wonder if these people who are so contemptuous are really able to mask their feelings very well.

These threads often get SO big, which makes me wonder if maybe I'm alone in thinking that it's inappropriate and disrespectful to mock the patients we see, even if it is behind their backs.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
See, this is where it gets tricky. I don't find that particularly offensive. Except for maybe saying he had the nerve part. NO ONE would care if someone asked for dinner--if you have it ya give it. Having the thought--but not statement or action behind it about the hotel is a private thought one should be entitiled to have. But the post itself is factual.

Actually, to edit it to be more realistic and slightly more vent-worthy --

This homeless person came in for the third time this week stinking to high heaven because he hadn't had a bath since the last two times we cleaned him,with high blood pressure from his noncompliance, and after he was seen he asked for dinner and when we told him that, as usual, all we had were sandwiches and sometimes not even those but we will look, then guess what I get yelled at because there was only tuna and grape juice not cranberry. And no, I'm sorry we simply do not have any more cab vouchers per hospital policy. I am sorry you feel I'm a bi#$ because of that I can certainly offer you the list of resources I do have --shelters/Phone # of social worker, etc.

It was a mighty pleasure being your nurse today. See you on Friday...:)

I wonder if a lot of this vent acceptance/vent abhorence has to do with specifically where you might work and in what particular unit? Seems pretty universal but I would say some simply have to develop thicker skin than others---doesn't make you a bad nurse. Just not a guillable one.

Yeah it is tricky, because what one finds disrespectful another finds venting. I tried to make it sound like I was judging the person for being dirty, homeless and noncompliant.

You're definatley right that it depends on wear you work. A plastics nurse in an upsacle neighborhood might not "vent" in the same manner as an inner city ER nurse that's jaded. :lol2:

I can say I've never really been bothered or insulted by the venting that goes on here. It only reminds me that for myself, I need to be careful not to tear someone down in the guise of "venting". I'm not concerned with what others think and do, and don't mean to sound judgemental of the people venting here, because it's never really bothered me.

Specializes in Tele, ICU, ER.
I would say that the majority of the posts did NOT cross my personal line, but the ones that did really made me think "Wow, that was kind of a harsh and b**chy thing to say!"

Maybe that nurse just had a "harsh and b**chy" shift. It happens. Often.

I see this as a safe place to vent in the arms of people who understand. We work hard for managers who have no clue what we do. We are frustrated beyond belief by a system that lets a fifth baby who tested positve for drugs go home with a drug-addicted mother living in a motel. We are even more frustrated when that baby comes back to the ER in 3 months weighing less than it did when we SENT it "home" to its motel with such wonderful follow up care. Our hands are tied. We vent because we care. We are good people who have dedicated our lives to a nurturing profession that does not nurture us in return. I say anything other than name calling goes on this site. Progress was never made by people content with status quo.

Specializes in ER, Peds, Charge RN.

OK. As the original poster of the 'Rules for the ER' thread, I feel like I should address this.

I don't know what type of insurance any of my patients carries. When I'm in triage and they go to give me their insurance card, I tell them I don't need it. Registration handles all of that. It is nowhere in the ER chart, and I don't care, even if it was.

I am not predjudiced against the poor. I was a 17 year old mother barefoot and on welfare at one time. I took WIC, I had food stamps, and I hated it. Every single day I found a way to raise a child and go to college by myself so I wouldn't have to live in that state. I don't forget what it was like... I'm only 24 years old now. It wasn't that long ago that I was in the ER on Medicaid.

In my original post, I pointed out that I would rather take care of the homeless person over the whiner. I don't care how much money my patient has, I care if they are a jerk or not. And working in an inner-city ER, I see a lot of jerks. Actually, I bet if I worked at a nice upscale ER, I would probably see even more jerks.

What I take offense to are those patients who think they have a right to be treated better and faster than anyone else in my ER, regardless of what is wrong with them. Sure, you may be in pain, but you also see us coding the patient next door, so chill out. Airway comes before pain. The right to entitlement bothers me, and people who are rude to me bother me. That's it.

So I guess I could boil it all down to one rule:

1. Don't be a jerk

That goes for patients and nurses.

What I've noticed about venting is that it is often the byproduct of nurses who feel trapped in some way. We are continually faced with patients and situations we feel helpless to manage effectively.

The homeless mentally ill whose distorted thinking and treatment resistance is now viewed, through the lens of political correctness, as their choice to be "free."

The babies with mothers' whose dysfunctional thinking/behavior have us cringing at the thought of sending them out the door to who-knows-what.

The ED patients who present with all kinds of challenges, not to mention entourages of family and friends who act as if their loved one is the only patient who really matters.

Folks with dementia for whom there are no easy answers.

Customer service approaches that feed right into obnoxious behavior and outrageous demands.

Management that is either passive or aggressive or both, the kind that leaves nurses hanging in the wind, or worse, taking cover under desks.

Short staffing. Unreasonable expectations. Toxic co-workers.

And I've barely made a dent.

Venting is sometimes all that stands between quitting in frustration and disgust and being able to go back in the next day.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Venting is sometimes all that stands between quitting in frustration and disgust and being able to go back in the next day.

Agreed, wee have to find a way to cope to keep going back day after day.

Maybe that nurse just had a "harsh and b**chy" shift. It happens. Often.

The challenge is to get through those harsh and b**chy shifts without lowering ourselves into become harsh and b**chy nurses ourselves. It happens. Often.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

If people are getting burnt out, it may be time to do one or more of several things:

change specialties

go back to school----even if its to study a new language, art history, or whatever---not necessarily nursing.

go to conferences if you can---they infuse a lot of energy and thought into my OB career

take a sabbatical if possible/needed

volunteer for a very worthy cause that involves caring for unfortunate souls---like doctors w/o borders or the local homeless shelter or an animal shelter

change shifts (if possible)

change institutions (if possible or needed---not all hospitals are bad)

take better care of yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually

remember WHY you became an OB nurse in the first place, if you can

I have found somel of the above help keep me from feeling a sense of being burnt out or trapped. I never feel trapped; there are way too many options out there for me! I hope one day to do doctors without borders, when the kids are older, that is one thing I have not tried yet.

I find, It's doing the same old thing day after day w/o any change that leads to burnout most for me. For me, the solution was cut back the budget and go perdiem. I dont' get involved in the politics and rumor mills at work, and when I am only there one or two days a week, things just don't get to me that much, even all the things Miranda mentions. It's true; ours is a horribly tough job. We just have to do the best we can, I guess.

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
If I hope one day to do doctors without borders, when the kids are older, that is one thing I have not tried yet.

My husband (also an RN) and I have talked about joining the Peace Corps after the kids are grown and moved out.

My husband (also an RN) and I have talked about joining the Peace Corps after the kids are grown and moved out.

I went on a 2 1/2 week medical mission to Vietnam this last summer. It is doable. Next year though I'm taking my kids - I missed them, especially the 5 year old.

The link to our website is in my sig line . . . .

steph

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I remember, Steph. And I envied you that experience. What a wonderful thing you did.

Kristina, I thank you for your concerns in this thread. I agree, we have to balance being professional and compassionate with being our human selves, which includes the occasional vent. I feel we are "ok" as long as the vents don't turn to flames and/or attacks on others.

My husband (also an RN) and I have talked about joining the Peace Corps after the kids are grown and moved out.

This is my ultimate goal and one of the main reasons I want to go into Nursing. I REALLY want to do this, and if everything goes how I plan, after I graduate, I WILL do this! I actually made a thread about this about last week!

https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/peace-corps-nursing-186614.html

I actually just learned about Doctors Without Borders, from that thread, and am looking into that also. You need experience though, so I would actually have to work before going to away, and with PC you go right after you graduate. Maybe I will do both, I don't know! But definitely SOMETHING like this. I have a passion for helping other people in need :)

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
This is my ultimate goal and one of the main reasons I want to go into Nursing. I REALLY want to do this, and if everything goes how I plan, after I graduate, I WILL do this! I actually made a thread about this about last week!

https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/peace-corps-nursing-186614.html

I actually just learned about Doctors Without Borders, from that thread, and am looking into that also. You need experience though, so I would actually have to work before going to away, and with PC you go right after you graduate. Maybe I will do both, I don't know! But definitely SOMETHING like this. I have a passion for helping other people in need :)

Good for you! I hope you pursue your dreams! My sister joined the Peace Corps in 1993 after graduation from college (she was an ESL teacher in Gabon, West Africa) and spent 4 years there. I visited her there for three weeks. I know it was a wonderful experience for her, and I think it's a very noble calling.

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