Nursing and sexual orientation

Nurses General Nursing

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Now I will say this. For the most part, I keep to myself. And my orientation is my business. I'm not going to be telling every person I pass, who I prefer to sleep with. Again, it's my business. And I also know that what you do with your personal life should never be mixed in with your work. But the reality is, it usually does. And people talk.

I've read various places on here that some of the female nurses can be pretty nasty. Do you honestly think that a person's sexual orientation is an issue? Particularly in nursing. No I'm not a man. I'm a woman. And I'm wondering if people are truly accepting. Especially since they are in the medical field.

Some had suggested I be honest about being a gay man at work and not lie about a phantom woman haunting the wings just to avoid negativity and harrassment. "To thine own self be true..." And that is, ideally, what I would want. But unfortunately, at the end of the day, I need to earn a paycheck to pay my bills. I don't like bringing work drama and ******** home with me. It's easier to just let them think I'm straight (I can pass, barely, but I can pass :)) and go about my business than have to deal with their politics, drama, and religion. Incidentally, I'm leaving the United States for Canada when I finish nursing school, a country where religion and politics are separate entities.

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That's awesome! I've always considered Canada but I just can't do it. I want to be close to my family.

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Specializes in Acute respiratory, med/surg, geriatrics.
Incidentally, I'm leaving the United States for Canada when I finish nursing school, a country where religion and politics are separate entities.

As a Canadian citizen, I wish you well on this quest. However, I would caution you to rethink your statement. While politics and religion may not as superimposed as they may be in the States, the connotations and mores of each as a unified concept do exist, and can be significant.

As a fellow LGBT nurse, I have experienced this in the Canadian setting. Gender, sexuality, and religion are just as entwined here as they may be in the States; it is for this very reason that I have never come out. I have seen troublesome outcomes occur to my LGBT colleagues after publically stating their orientations; please exercise caution.

It doesn't matter what flag flies over your head -- people are people everywhere.

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be good at your job and you can be my hero! Sexuality does not matter when it comes to caring for a patient.

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Well like any other work place people will gossip about sexual orientation, it happens all the time. Especially if you work in a nursing home/rehab or similiar facility where it is small and conducive to gossip/backstabbing/pettiness. There are rumors about various people. It happens.

With that said, no one is discriminatory... male or female nurses who are homosexual are allowed to go to school and practice as long as you are professional and your appearance is appropriate and groomed and such I don't think anyone really cares. Although gossip is to be expected, but that's true of any work place.

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I'm a gay man. In every single healthcare facility I've ever worked at in this country, I've observed, heard, and experienced discrimination based on my orientation or perceptions of my orientation. It's awful actually. So now, I just lie through my teeth. In fact, I don't even wait. Whenever I'm assigned to a new facility, I suss out the gossips and tell these gossips I'm engaged to a woman and let them spread the "isht" through the unit. The ones who seem to have the biggest issues, of course, are the heterosexual men who are themselves insecure to be in nursing in the first place but enjoy the living-wage salaries, benefits, and other material perks of the field. Most of them are middle-aged, fat, ugly republicans I wouldn't even touch with a ten foot pole if given the opportunity so I always find it hilarious when they think I'm going to hit on their pear-shaped asses. But to directly answer your question: if you're a gay man (not a lesbian - they have it much easier than we do) and you're still in the United States working in American facilities with Americans, it's much, much easier to lie about your personal life than it is to be honest. Women nurses usually don't have an issue with gay male coworkers until you **** them off: then, they use your "minority status" against you in retaliation. I don't care what anyone says about nursing being a "humane profession," this is still the United States and it's still the law of the jungle. If you're percevied as weak or different, you're going to suffer.

Bearscrubs, it sounds like you have encountered some really unfortunate situations in your professional life. Being gay myself I understand your rationale. While I don't necessarily agree with it, you have to handle it the way that makes you most comfortable. I certainly do not pass any sort of judgement on you, but I hope that one day you can work in a facility where you feel that you can be yourself.

I worked as a hospital lab tech while going through nursing school and my strategy was to get an RN position at the same hospital (which I did). From the start I was pretty much up front about the fact that I had a same-gender partner. I didn't just point blank tell everyone, but when people asked if I am married I just said something like "no, but I have a partner of 20 years." Or, if people are talking about someplace they have been or a movie they saw last weekend I'd say something like "Oh, my partner and I saw that movie too. He liked it, me...not so much."

If there have ever been any homophobic statements about me where I work I've never known about them. The only thing that has ever really bothered me was a coworker who would ask about my partner and call him my "friend." I wasn't crazy about it, but I figured hey, at least she's asking. She was a pretty dyed-in-the-wool Republican so the fact that she was being genuine in her inquries pleasantly surprised me so I wasn't about to make it a point to correct her and ask her to use the term partner.

Now that I'm an RN I get pretty much the same reaction on the unit where I work, which is none. When people ask about marriage status (I'm a new RN and am just getting to know many of my coworkers) I approach it the same was as when I was a lab tech - I tell them I have a partner, or I talk about my partner in conversation.

Oddly enough, I am most concerned about reactions from my fellow male peers in nursing. For the life of me I can't figure out why the stereotype of a male nurse being gay still exists. While it is true I don't know all of their orientations, every guy in nursing at my hospital that I have met and have had the time to converse with is married to a woman or has a girlfriend (it inevitably comes up in discussion). I have no idea where all these gay male nurses are hanging out, but it's not at my hospital, lol! Even so, I've been invited "out with the guys" a few times.

Shortly after I started RN orientation there was a three-page article in the employee newsletter about being sensitive and welcoming to GLBT employees which made me feel good about deciding to stay at that hospital to start my career. And this is a Catholic hospital! I wrote the CEO and the HR director an email thanking them for the article, but also encouraged them to codify the principles set forth in the article by including sexual orientation in their non-discriminatory employment language.

I share my anecdotes not as a way to say "see...this is how you should be handling the situation." Everyone's situation is different and I support you in your decision to handle it whatever way you feel is best for you. But I just wanted to let you know that there are facilities where you can be yourself, and I hope you're able to work in one day. You sound like a nice guy and probably have a lot of fun and interesting stuff to share about yourself if you felt safe to do so.

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Bearscrubs, I think its a terror that you feel as though you have to lie about your orientation! I can certainly understand you not wanting to be the source of the rumor mill but at the same time you should be free to just be. As a homosexual woman, I know all too well what you're feeling. There too have been times with my (female) co-workers where I have felt uncomfortable discussing my home life because I did feel as though they would be judgmental (although I have never had a problem with any of them, so maybe in all actuality its my own insecurities which make me hesistant?) But guess what? I got over it! I just thought to myself... they're free to be who they are, so why not me?? Why do I not deserve this too? I DO.

Point is, you are you and you'd better LOVE and OWN it! Now I'm not saying you have to be over the top, but you should never think twice about just being open and honest about who you are. If they have an issue with it then screw them! It is there problem, not yours honey. And you are there to do a job, not be bffs. You keep being the best nurse you can be and walk around that place with your head high feeling like a million and one bucks. Because you ARE! :redbeathe

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Specializes in Peds, PACU, ICU, ER, OB, MED-Surg,.

I've worked in hospitals for over 14 years now. 3 different places. I would say as a whole healthcare is a tolerant profession. Two of the hospitals have offered insurance and benefits for same sex partners.

My youngest son is gay. I am open about my son and his partner, who I love like he was my own son. It twists my heart to think of the ignorant remarks and discrimination I know he must face in his life. Who would "choose" to be treated poorly is my answer to the ignorant people that still think sexual orientation is a choice.

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But just a friendly reminder, if you don't want others to talk about your stuff, don't share your personal life with them.

This.

IMHO, if you don't want your sexual orientation to be an issue, keep it to yourself. I don't see any reason why you would have to tell people you are gay. If you do tell, some people are going to talk behind your back. People like to gossip.

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Specializes in General Surgery, Orthopaedics, ICU, ER.

I am an openly gay man at work and have never had a problem with any of my coworkers. That being said, I don't wear a sign on my uniform "Look at me, I'm a fairy nurse!*" either haha.

*Also, this was not intended to offend anyone. Sorry if I did. :)

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I really appreciate the words of encouragement and support some of you have offered me here. However, at the end of the day, I need to earn a paycheck. It's really none of anyone's business who sleeps with who. But in almost every place I have worked (I'm still a CNA btw, not yet a nurse), I have encountered homophobia. Consistently. And I'm a big, strapping 6'3" guy with facial hair. Not your stereotypical queen in scrubs -- "not that there's anything wrong with that" (Seinfeld). So, I let it be known that I'm in a relationship with a woman and that solves the problem. Those of you who are free to be out and open with your colleagues, let me know where you live and what hospital you work at and I'll come and apply after I finish nursing school.

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