Nursing and relationships?

[alv24518]

I've been in a long-term relationship and recently just graduated nursing school (yay!). However, as adult life begins to creep in and my boyfriend and I are looking for jobs (he's in business), i was wondering: how do nurses juggle being in relationships with those who are 9-5pm workers? I know it's super common, but what is the best way to juggle working 3 12's and then having the rest of the week off while your significant other won't be free until the weekend? I have a fear that it may make things difficult in my relationship as we are already long distance by around 2 hrs and can't move in together currently.

[NICU Guy, BSN, RN]

alv24518 said:

what is the best way to juggle working 3 12's and then having the rest of the week off while your significant other won't be free until the weekend?

First, as a new grad you will most likely be working nights for the first few years until you get enough seniority to get a day shift position. That means sleeping through the day and up during the night. Second, you will not have all of your weekends off. You will be working between every other weekend to every fourth weekend.

[alv24518]

I completely understand what a nurse's shift is like. I was generally speaking in terms of the shift difference between my boyfriend and I. There will be weekends I'm working and he's off. There will be weekends where we both work. But there will also be the weeks where I have consecutive days off where he's working. I was simply giving one example of many different shift combinations. In short, I was speaking very loosely - I know what to expect from my shifts/hours!

[elkpark]

It's not clear to me what you mean by the "best" way to juggle differing work schedules. You both work when you need to work, and you spend time together when you're free.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

Maintaining a relationship under the circumstances you are describing requires three things:

1)a relationship that had a strong foundation before you even started working;

2)a partner who supports your passions and respects your right to succeed in your chosen career and understands that life doesn't revolve around them;

3)a full life apart from your partner (you don't depend on each other for your personal fulfillment, you have friends and family with whom you like to spend time, hobbies that you like to do on your own, etc.).

If you are only happy when you are with your partner and feel adrift by spending time alone and apart (or he does), working different schedules is not going to be conducive to a happy relationship.

[verene, MSN]

Horseshoe said:

Maintaining a relationship under the circumstances you are describing requires three things:

1)a relationship that had a strong foundation before you even started working;

2)a partner who supports your passions and respects your right to succeed in your chosen career and understands that life doesn't revolve around them;

3)a full life apart from your partner (you don't depend on each other for your personal fulfillment, you have friends and family with whom you like to spend time, hobbies that you like to do on your own, etc.).

If you are only happy when you are with your partner and feel adrift by spending time alone and apart (or he does), working different schedules is not going to be conducive to a happy relationship.

This.

I work 12s per diem so I can end up on any day of the week on any shift. My partner works a normal 8-5 day schedule. We do what we have to to make it work. We spend time with each other when we can. If one of us is home and the other isn't we have our own interests, hobbies and friends to fill the time.

It isn't always easy, but we prioritize our relationship, support one another's career goals, and are willing to make it work. At some point one or both of us will have a different schedule and we'll have to adapt again.

[Rainbow_RN, BSN, RN]

Props to you. I don't know if I could make it work with someone whose career is so different. I think that if two people really love each other, they will make it work with what free time they have. regardless of distance, space, time, what have you. just gotta do your best to support each other. but meh, I'm young, what do I know?

[bitter_betsy, BSN]

This happens in my house now... you don't have to be a nurse. I'm in school and have 3 jobs - he is a commercial fisherman. The tide changes every day. My schedule changes every week. He literally leaves one hour later each day for 2 weeks and then he starts over with leaving about 2 am. Some times he is asleep when I get home. Sometimes I am asleep when he gets home. Sometimes we only talk on the phone for a few minutes during that day and sometimes only a couple text messages make it through between land and water. We live in the same house and sleep in the same bed and sometimes it just sucks because we can't talk. We are blessed and thankful to have the things that we have - including our jobs that pay for said things. We know its temporary and in time, we will be able to work out schedules out a little better. It is true that "love conquers all". Real love will patiently find a way. It has a way of just working out.

[outriton]

I work 3 12-hr night shifts per week, and my husband has a regular M-F, 7ish-3ish job. I try to do my 3 shifts in a row to limit how often I switch my sleeping. I don't see a lot of my husband those days, especially if he doesn't come straight home from work. But that's ok! We don't need to spend tons of time every single day together because we're mature, independent people. You should strive for a relationship like that as well (not saying you're codependent now, just that everybody should be a whole person with their own friends and interests outside of their relationship).

We look forward to when I'm off to spend time together and sometimes even make the first night I'm off a special date night where we go out for dinner or plan to see a movie. If anything, absence makes the heart grow fonder!