Nursing Niceness

[xdrowe]

This website has allowed me to post freely about questions concerning my personal journey to nursing school. Before I ever became a nursing student, I was a human being. While I have realized that while using this site is beneficial in the sense of communication, I have also experienced that it opens the door for scrutiny of your personal life. It was a true eye opener for me, because I find myself guilty of judging other people as well. I accept that sometimes we are right in our judgment, but sometimes we are also wrong. I reached out to several people about my attempt to go to nursing school with a misdemeanor assault from over seven years ago that resulted after an argument where I waved my finger in someone's face. Yes, it happened.. YES I admitted my guilt because I DID wave my finger very closely to his face, and I also realize now that it was wrong. Instead of response to my question.. I was given advice on what I should have done seven years ago. Well unfortunately, there is no time machine that would allow such a thing, so I do not understand how that would help. Anyway, I spoke with a very kind director that went the extra mile to find that I would be clear for my minimal misdemeanor , and also received a callback from the BON who also said I would be fine in my circumstance. I face much adversity being I am an over 6ft tall male that has ASSAULT (even though its simple assault) everyone sees ASSAULT on my record and often insinuate that I must have pummeled someone. My point of this is everyone knows what it feels like to be judged.. especially off of your past, but simple assault does not define me.. it defines my criminal history. My history also includes military service and a college education. I am not an animal. Can anyone relate?

[xdrowe]

aww thanks for taking your time to reread my thread. I got the point of your first reply... and I never included you on anything I said. If I had something to say, I would have quoted you directly. To be perfectly honest, I don't care what anyone has to say because it doesn't change the fact that my background was cleared, or the fact that I am admitted.

[xdrowe]

Things get mixed up so easily.. for some reason people have the impression that my feelings were hurt which was not the case. I simply read them.. did not see the "help" in them and the ones that commented providing helpful information I appreciated.. as far as what I choose to make a thread about or vent about is my choice as well as it is their choice to disagree. No hard feelings.. I am still cleared either way.

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

Okay, I went back and re-read your other thread. You related how a policeman showed up at your door after receiving a complaint and he told you that you would "have to go to trial." That's just not how it usually works. Policeman usually do not have the role of declaring than an individual must go to trial; policemen don't usually have the authority to present plea deals. So right off the bat, you, a new member with no posting history people can relate back to in order to get a sense of your online presentation, have posted something that sounds a little unlikely.

Then you went on to state that you "forgot" to show up for your assault trial. Again, that sounds almost beyond belief. Can you really not see how that would sound to people who cannot possibly know you and know if you are actually on the level?Come on, this is the internet!

You need to realize that AN gets a LOT of new posters who come here and tell some really tall tales. They are called "internet trolls," and they will often make controversial posts or post things that sound wildly unbelievable. When other members post predictable skepticism of the facts provided, the new poster types more inflammatory comments, then sits back and enjoys the ensuing controversy.

Your post had some of the characteristics of one of these new member troll posts. I, personally, responded with amazement that you could "forget" to show up for your own assault trial. I still find that to be pretty darned amazing.

But I went on to try to be helpful and suggested you consult an attorney to see about getting it expunged, and directed you to the nurses with criminal history forum here on AN, where you could get advice from others who have been there. I didn't see anything wildly insulting, and given the amount of trolls who show up on this site, I thought most of the people who responded were pretty laid back.

I agree that you will need to develop a thicker skin if the responses on that thread were all that upsetting. People are very direct here. They are going to state their opinion, and as long as they have not violated the TOS, they have a right to do that. Posts which DO violate the TOS are removed. If they aren't, you need to respect that, even if the responses given were not necessarily what you wanted to hear.

I went and read the other thread too and I have to say that this was my conclusion, too.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Okay, I went back and re-read your other thread. You related how a policeman showed up at your door after receiving a complaint and he told you that you would "have to go to trial." That's just not how it usually works. Policeman usually do not have the role of declaring than an individual must go to trial; policemen don't usually have the authority to present plea deals. So right off the bat, you, a new member with no posting history people can relate back to in order to get a sense of your online presentation, have posted something that sounds a little unlikely.

Then you went on to state that you "forgot" to show up for your assault trial. Again, that sounds almost beyond belief. Can you really not see how that would sound to people who cannot possibly know you and know if you are actually on the level?Come on, this is the internet!

You need to realize that AN gets a LOT of new posters who come here and tell some really tall tales. They are called "internet trolls," and they will often make controversial posts or post things that sound wildly unbelievable. When other members post predictable skepticism of the facts provided, the new poster types more inflammatory comments, then sits back and enjoys the ensuing controversy.

Your post had some of the characteristics of one of these new member troll posts. I, personally, responded with amazement that you could "forget" to show up for your own assault trial. I still find that to be pretty darned amazing.

But I went on to try to be helpful and suggested you consult an attorney to see about getting it expunged, and directed you to the nurses with criminal history forum here on AN, where you could get advice from others who have been there. I didn't see anything wildly insulting, and given the amount of trolls who show up on this site, I thought most of the people who responded were pretty laid back.

I agree that you will need to develop a thicker skin if the responses on that thread were all that upsetting. People are very direct here. They are going to state their opinion, and as long as they have not violated the TOS, they have a right to do that. Posts which DO violate the TOS are removed. If they aren't, you need to respect that, even if the responses given were not necessarily what you wanted to hear.

I completely agree. If your neighbor called the police, why didn't they ever come talk to you to get your story. There is so much missing to this story.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I apologize for your perception of unkind backlash to a thread you created. We strive to promote a civil environment on these forums.

Nonetheless, perhaps nurses are erroneously stereotyped as nice people. We are often portrayed as angelic boobs who ooze with kindness when, in reality, our personalities are as diverse as the food offerings in a typical supermarket.

In real life I am quiet, somewhat reserved, introverted, and not very talkative. Since I'm not charming or glib, I often come across as snotty and unfriendly. My online personality is actually more resourceful than my real life behavior.

Anyhow, I get the vibe you already know to not allow the opinions of anonymous internet posters to affect your self-esteem. Good luck to you!

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Nonetheless, perhaps nurses are erroneously stereotyped as nice people. We are often portrayed as angelic boobs who ooze with kindness when, in reality, our personalities are as diverse as the food offerings in a typical supermarket.

LOL. I love this!

[xdrowe]

Thanks for your comment. I must admit I did have assumptions. I continue to learn everyday. Now I know that like many people have said.. the best practice is to not mention any sensitive information. I had a moment, and the resolution did not come from my thread. Fortunately, I remained determined to find an answer in my reality. I also admit that after rereading the thread I see that I failed to mention that the cop did come to hear my side. I was an irresponsible 19 year old, and I have learned.

[xdrowe]

I apologize for your perception of unkind backlash to a thread you created. We strive to promote a civil environment on these forums.

Nonetheless, perhaps nurses are erroneously stereotyped as nice people. We are often portrayed as angelic boobs who ooze with kindness when, in reality, our personalities are as diverse as the food offerings in a typical supermarket.

In real life I am quiet, somewhat reserved, introverted, and not very talkative. Since I'm not charming or glib, I often come across as snotty and unfriendly. My online personality is actually more resourceful than my real life behavior.

Anyhow, I get the vibe you already know to not allow the opinions of anonymous internet posters to affect your self-esteem. Good luck to you!

Yet despite me having my dignity, a part of me feels like I will always be seen as an aggressor. This may be my own self-reservations, but its Something that I work on every day.

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

Yet despite me having my dignity, a part of me feels like I will always be seen as an aggressor. This may be my own self-reservations, but its Something that I work on every day.

Well try not to let that reservation become a chip on your shoulder. I'm glad that you are successfully enrolled in school!

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Op, just be 100% sure that just because the school admitted you, that you are able to sit for the NCLEX, and further, that you are also going to be able to pass the CORI check that would be done for you to be able to get a job.

As a pp pointed out, you can go a route of attempting to get the record expunged. If it is not expunged, then you do risk the chance of going to school and not being able to sit for the NCLEX, or even more so, not being able to get a job as a nurse.

This is something that happened many years ago. From your description, a very, very wide berth for "assault". With that being said, employers usually don't necessarily give 2 squirts in a firey place about the details, just that your CORI would not be clean. So before you spend a lot a $$ on nursing school, explore what will happen beyond nursing school.

Best wishes.

[AutumnApple]

Something I've mentioned before that I feel applies:

People sometimes seem to have a mild case of dissociative identity disorder in forums like this. There is our real life "self", and then the virtual identity we create.

Our real lives can be whatever they may be. We might be well off, well adjusted...........or not. We can be hoarders, neat freaks..........from one end to the other with every spectrum of personality you can think of. Fact is though, what we are in real has little to do with it once we decide to build and maintain our "virtual image".

I blame the "like" button for it. It seems, a lot of us get a certain sense of pride from our virtual images. We see lots of likes and want more. We want to win every debate we find ourselves in. We want to "one up" our fellow posters every chance we get. Why? Well, the answer is simple..........it feels good. Short term anyway.

So, like a drug addict who is chasing a bigger and better high, we keep going and going. We build this virtual self, thump our chests about this/that and the other thing that we really don't know about and we feel like the King of the Hill.

We dissociate our virtual selves from our core. We stop speaking from the heart, and we speak from a place where we think we're somehow..........creating a more perfect virtual image.

I'm willing to bet the motivation behind a lot of the comments you got was this, not a true actual belief in anything they said. They were living up to the virtual self image they had built in the best way they knew how to.

My hands have blood on them too. I'm not above looking at how many "likes" I get and all that other popularity contest stuff.

But I try to speak from the heart.

At least then, once in a while, I might accidentally say something useful lol

[AutumnApple]

Yet despite me having my dignity, a part of me feels like I will always be seen as an aggressor. This may be my own self-reservations, but its Something that I work on every day.

Having known more than a few men in our profession I'll also add:

About this, you are right. But not for the reasons you think.

Men, at times, must outperform their female co-workers in order to keep their image where a nurse needs it to be.

Lots and lots of people still hold onto the old gender roles. Men play football and bar fight, women stay at home and make blankets. lol

The people who still subscribe to this line of thinking tend to not like male nurses. And they will overreact to anything and everything you say that does not exude compassion.

At my first job, a very nice gentleman just knew, with certain people he was a dead man walking, already labeled (uncompassionate, pushy, bossy, too straight forward, whatever) before he entered the room. Seriously, I believe this man wouldn't have a bad thing to say to anyone no matter how far he was pushed but............some people insisted on having a problem with him.

Example: He wrote up discharge papers for someone. In the notes/freehand part he stressed "You must take antibiotics until they are complete." Since he used the word "must", the patient threw the papers at him and gave him a lecture on who was in charge. Mind you, her former discharges used the same wording. "You must take steroids exactly as prescribed" etc etc. She didn't have a problem with them............when they were written by female nurses.

Not saying this to make you nervous. Just letting you know I've witnessed it so if it happens to you, you'll know better than to take it too personal.