Nursing and being a mom?

ddunnrn · Jul 15, 2012

I must start out by saying that I'm not a parent, and so am by no means an expert on the subject of parenting. I can give you the benefit of my childhood experiences having parents who worked different shifts. I grew up in the '60's and '70's in a rural area. My mother worked the night shift as an RN supervisor at our local hospital. She was gone from home from about 2200 to 0800, 5 days a week. My father was a truck driver who left the house at 0400 and returned about 1700, 4 days a week, with occasional overtime. When I was as young as 7, and my brother was 12, we got ourselves ready for the school bus to pick us up at 0720, and returned home by about 1530. Most of the early evening, my mother was asleep, and my father retired early. We still managed to have dinner together almost every evening. I looked forward to my parents' days off, when we would go shopping and visit family, but overall, I think I turned out very well. I did very well in school, learned how to cook and otherwise take care of myself. We were like most other middle class families, enjoying vacation trips together, visiting family for holidays, etc. I never felt that I was cheated in any way because I didn't have a parent hovering over me every minute of the day. Not that I was a perfect angel--I got some minor juvenile troubles, but nothing serious. I think sometimes that contemporary parents worry to much about quantity of time spent with kids rather than quality, nd life lessons taught. I really appreciate the fact that my parents trusted me enough to take care of myself. I just remembered--maybe things are different now--when I was about 8 or 9, ( in 1963 or so) my parents used to give me $2, drive me to the nearest town 7 miles away, and turn me loose to go to the movies, get lunch afterwards, and go to the comic book store afterwards. They would pick me up at a pre-arranged time and place. I did this untill I went off to college, and I never had any problems. My parents had taught me common sense and responsibility, and it served me well. Over all, I wouldn't worry so much about the amount of time you spend with your kids, as making sure you teach them self-confidence, and make the time you do spend with them count.

Mom2boysRN · Jul 15, 2012

I am mom to a 7 and 10 year old. I've had both days 7-3, and evenings 2-1030, jobs and am now doing 8-4 in homecare M-F. I've found for my family it works best with me on days. Both kids are in sports and sometimes are going in opposite directions which makes it difficult for just my husband to do it, plus when he was looking at a new job that was going to require him to travel we knew that me working evenings wasn't going to work. Plus I would sometimes go 4 days without seeing my husband or kids, which was completely unacceptable to me and them.

When school is in hubby gets up and goes to work, I get the kids up and have them at before school care around 7:15-7:30 depending on where my first pt is. When we are done we text each other and whoever is going to be home first gets the kidshoo from after school care, finishes homework, and we get dinner in them and head o whatever sport we are currently in. If they are going to the same place I will stay home, do paperwork or work on house work.

During the summer we have a sitter that comes to the house.

Since our oldest is 10 1/2 we are starting the discussion of when they can be left alone or walk home from school and let themselves in.

Stephalump · Jul 15, 2012

I'm the same way...I've been a stay at home mom/student since my 9 year old was born. I'm used to having endless amounts of times with my my munchkins (1, 4, and 9), and one of the appeals of nursing to me was the 12 hour shifts. I'm not sure how we're going to adjust to mommy having to work as well as daddy, but I guess everything is strange when it's new and unknown, and then it becomes normal.

My mother (an RN) was a stay at home mom until we were in our early teens When she found herself raising us alone, she worked two full-time jobs on the night shift. I will admit, it was a huge adjustment for us. We felt extremely neglected and had to fend for ourselves much of the time. She was so exhausted, there was no way she was making dinner and having sit down meals with us, and she worked so often there was no point in flipping.

When she only worked 3 nights a week, it was great. She'd work them all in a row and flip over and we'd be just like a normal family for 4 days!

I'm think if you're working days and only 3 per week, it really is doable without anyone feeling neglected. Unless you're extremely lucky, some of those days will be weekends, so I assume your husband will be at home with the kids, but you'll still be home early enough to have some family time. During the school week, I've found my school age kid LOVES after school programs. Lots of games, crafts, and extra time with his school friends, and they have him do his homework. I'll admit those nights are hectic if they have school the next day. There's barely enough time to cook, eat, and get ready for the next day, but it could be worse. In the summer, he also loves YMCA daycamp.

Since my youngest won't be school-age when I start working, we'll probably go the nanny route if I work days - get them on the bus/drive to preschool, pick them all up and watch them at home. I'm hoping to work nights, though.

Fiona59 · Jul 15, 2012

Speaking as a mother in law, I don't mind helping out on the odd time but I don't want to be depended upon. I've raised my children and want my freedom.

Don't count of family for childcare whenever you want it. It leads to feeling of being abused.

Family should be used for backup childcare. You will both be making good money. You can afford dquality childcare.

RNperdiem, RN · Jul 15, 2012

Have you mentioned the subject of childcare to mother-in-law or auntie?

Unless you work per diem and specifically pick your days and hours, you will likely have an irregular schedule that can be all over the place in relation to nights, days, weekends and holidays.

Another thing to consider is that a 12 hour shift is longer than 12 hours. If you include commute there and back, extra time added in case of traffic, lunch and sometimes leaving late, door-to-door time is more like 14 hours. That is a long time for childcare on a regular basis. It is full on childcare, not babysitting.

I work per diem on weekends while my husband takes care of the kids.

Many of my coworkers with kids work straight nights, come home in time to see their children off to school, and sleep while the kids are in school.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Jul 16, 2012

Thanks for the insight and experiences! My MIL purposely retired so that she could help us with the kids. She had her choice and due to the stars aligning and us moving closer to her once I get a job, she volunteered. Trust me...I've been the one used for childcare and after a year, it was old...she she wont be our ONLY resource, but a nice added bonus when we need a financial break. She is even considering renting a single unit (she owns a condo in Santa Barbara) closer to us or if we can get a 4 bedroom, making herself a room there so she can help better.

My sister----we have talked to her about the situation and the ideas, and she likes it. We didn't grow up together, and only met when my kids were about 4/5 so she wants her fill of them since she missed so much of them when they were growing up, and it would be one weekend a month, during day time hours and hubby would be there at night to "lay the smack down" LOL.

Those that have used nannys---how on earth did you find one that (a) was affordable and (b) was trustworthy? I have a small zoo, so I'd need them to be comfortable with animals too! Both of my kids are in sports year round, so they would also have to be trustworthy driving them around.

ddunnrn---I sure do wish that society now was the way it was when you were growing up! Unfortuneately, kids are NOT safe now hanging out around town I remember it was in the middle when I was growing up and my mom was a hovering mother (which I'm not....I try to let them do their own thing as much as I safely can) so I never really got to figure out society growing up. I had the hard lessons to learn the first time I went to college and I bit off more than I could chew.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Jul 16, 2012

Have you mentioned the subject of childcare to mother-in-law or auntie?
Unless you work per diem and specifically pick your days and hours, you will likely have an irregular schedule that can be all over the place in relation to nights, days, weekends and holidays.
Another thing to consider is that a 12 hour shift is longer than 12 hours. If you include commute there and back, extra time added in case of traffic, lunch and sometimes leaving late, door-to-door time is more like 14 hours. That is a long time for childcare on a regular basis. It is full on childcare, not babysitting.
I work per diem on weekends while my husband takes care of the kids.
Many of my coworkers with kids work straight nights, come home in time to see their children off to school, and sleep while the kids are in school.

I'd love to have this option (hubby watching kids during the weekend) but being married to a police officer, this isn't possible. The best we can do without ANY help (nanny or family) is to never see each other, and IMO that isn't a way to raise a family or have a good marriage. As it is, with just school there were times when I felt like we were just warming the bed till the other got there then it was time to get up and go. While I do realize that this may become our reality, we will have to work with it....BUT I'd rather find a nanny and have at least 3-4 days where we could all be together during the week. I've also considered doing the straight nights...and that just might be what I have to do...if that's the case then of course I'll suck it up! LOL! I have loans to pay now! LOL!

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Jul 16, 2012

And I do have to add that during school there was ONE time that I was late for clinical because of his work. He was supposed to get off at 2 am and due to over zealous rioters, he didn't get home until 7am and shift started at 6am...so needless to say, at the bare minimum an "in between" nanny will be needed for the commute time coverage.

Katie71275 · Jul 16, 2012

I've wondered about this too as I graduate in May 13, and we have 4 kids. I am hoping that I will get a weekend shift that is nights, that way I will have all week free with the kids...I worry about what I will come home to though as hubby is NOT a great housekeeper lol.

I think it's hard to figure out home and work life, but somehow we make it manage.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

I've wondered about this too as I graduate in May 13, and we have 4 kids. I am hoping that I will get a weekend shift that is nights, that way I will have all week free with the kids...I worry about what I will come home to though as hubby is NOT a great housekeeper lol.
I think it's hard to figure out home and work life, but somehow we make it manage.

I wont lie, my husband is great at cooking, sometimes dishes and does laundry...however, I spaz if the floor isn't vaccumed daily and the bathroom isn't cleaned. In 7 years he hasn't touched the bathroom! LOL! I figure some of my paychecks will go to a maid service so no one really has to worry about that during our busy lives.

CrunchyMama, ASN, RN · Jul 30, 2012

Hello...

My kids are 8, 5, and 9 months. It's a roller coaster, lol. I've been a nurse for a year now. After I had the baby I went back part time....3 nights/week, 11pm-7am....and will work part time for a LONG time! Nights are rough because you get less sleep...at least for me anyway. It'll be easier once my 5 year starts kindergarten in the fall, that way they'll both be in school all day so I can sleep, right now they're in a school summer program, so they're gone like they're in school. The baby has been staying at home with me....he was sleeping fairly well for me but lately he hasn't been but I've just been putting up with being exhausted. :rolleyes: I haven't had enough pumped milk to send him to my babysitters but I'm starting this week because this lack of sleep is getting to me. ANYWAY....nights are good for part time but days would be better IMO due to better sleep...actually for me that's not true because my baby still doesn't sleep through the night, lol. I'm so rambling here, lol. I guess it just depends on your life style....for older school age kids, like yours....I would think nights would work but days would be good too. Days scare me though because of the craziness (nights are much quieter) and what if schools are delayed/cancelled. I live in NY and the winters can be rough. So there's a lot of factors to consider when figuring out what shift would work for you.