Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

student4ever · May 10, 2005

Our ER is directly accross from our state's most notorious party university. Of course, that leads to lots and lots of silly patients, most with ETOH, n/v, etc. All of which are usually accompanied by about 20 hysterical friends who have just about as much ETOH on board as the pt! One night tho (on graveyard, what else) I had a young hispanic student from this university arrive by EMS, very altered. EMS had found him laying in the road near a block party and hauled him in. He was somewhat alert and talking (at the top of his lungs for the whole ER to hear) but for every question we asked he would give a partial answer and then get stuck on that answer for 5 minutes. It was slightly frustrating, because he was speaking a mixture of English and Spanish. Since I'm bilingual, I was trying to help the registration clerk get at least a first and last name since the university's address book lists addresses and phone numbers for all their students, and she could get basic info with just his first and last name. I had asked him repeatedly in both Spanish and English, what his last name was, and all he would say was "Jose." Finally, I looked him right in his glassy eyes, and said, "Jose, if you don't tell me your last name, we're going to have to call the university cops, they'll find out who you are, and then they'll probably arrest you for causing us problems." That brought him out of his stupor long enought to shout loud enough that the whole ER and probably radiology next door to hear "My name is Jose Cuervo you dumb*** (*&%$*&^!!!!!! The registration clerk and I could barely keep from doubling over laughing, because he still had his tequila bottle in his hand - yep, you guessed it, Jose Cuervo! 6 hours later when he woke up, he didn't remember any of it... and strangely enough, his real name wasn't really Jose - or Cuervo! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

sbergetlvn · May 11, 2005

This just happened a few minutes ago in the dining room of our LTC facility.

LVN comes to the table and says "Mrs XXXX can i take your blood pressure?"

Very elderly resident replies in a quavery panic stricken voice "Please don't take it away!!!!"

LVN reassures resident that she just wants to "look at" her BP, and proceeds to obtain a reading.

a few minutes later same resident lets out a wailing cry "Please bring it back!!! I need it!!!"

Took all of us a minute or two to figure out what she was wanting "brought back"

LeahJet, ASN, RN · May 12, 2005

When I first became a nurse, I worked on a med/surg floor night shift. And as most night shifters, I became used to seeing in the dark. At about 5:30am, I was hunched down at the foot of the bed emptying a foley. Obviously hearing the sound of the urine flowing and seeing me hunched down, my sweet little lady patient with dementia peered down at me and said "Honey, I think they have a bathroom in here somewhere".

ccadlett · May 13, 2005

Speaking Of Funny Stories; I Worked On A Behaviorial Medicine Unit At A Large Public Hospital. In Short We Had A Lot Of 5150's That Had To Be Cleared To Go To A Psych Unit. My Patient Was A Female About 75 Y/o. I Approached The Pt, Introduced Myself And Told Her That I Had Some Meds To Give Her. She Replied "okay, But First I Have To Ask Jesus". I Replied "okay, No Problem (we Often Encounter Religion Pts.) Go Right Ahead." At This Point The Patient Pulled Down The Cover, Lifted Up Her Gown And Put Her Face Between Her Legs And Engaged In Conversation. I Almost Hit The Floor So To Keep From Laughing I Left The Room Promptly. I Went Out To The Nurse's Station And Told The Staff "now, I Know What's Happening To This World And Why There Are So Many Lost Souls, They're All Looking For Jesus In The Wrong Place."

lucianurse · May 14, 2005

A middle aged lady walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor I have lots of problems, from the top of my head to the sole of my feet." The doctor replied, "Tell me those in between."

PumpkinsMami · May 14, 2005

I was the intake nurse at a hopice that I used to work for. We had a pt to be admitted with Lung CA & Brain Mets that lived quite a distance from where our office was. I mapped the address for our admit nurse & sent her on her way.

She thought she was lost, because she had traveled quite a distance and hadn't found where she needed to turn. She called the pts home and asked for the pt's son to make sure she was headed in the right direction. He had answered the phone and gave her a new set of directions. Again, she called back because she felt even more lost and got yet another set of directions. Finally, after the 3rd call, she realized that the first two times she was actually speaking to the pt w/brain mets who had her going in circles for at least an hour.

No one tells the story as well as she does!! It was hysterical! :roll

TnValCNA · May 15, 2005

Had a sweet ederly lady as a patient recently admitted the

other night to med/surg, (her room is nearby the nurses station)

and as I was doing vitals on her, she had the tv tuned to CNN

news channel watching coverage of the Michael Jackson case.

The patient made a funny comment about Michael and his

umbrella-toting man entering the courthouse to which I

laughed. She turned off the tv when I finished with her and

told me good night.

About an hour later her call light goes on and there's a pitiful

loud moaning coming from her room. I went and asked, "What's

wrong?" She had a wild-eyed look on her face and said, "Honey,

that thing's face gave me a nightmare, HE'S SCARY!"

I asked, "Who's face?"

The poor dear was actually trembling as she said, "Michael

Jackson's face, ohh that scary face, promise me you'll

leave my door open and leave the light on, PLEASE, I'm scared!!"

I calmed her down and did as she asked.

Back at the nurses station an rn asked me, "Why is that door now

open and the lights on low?" When I explained to her, we both had

to stifle ourselves.

lucianurse · May 20, 2005

When I worked as a clinical instructor a few years ago, one of the students' assignments was to conduct a physical exam on a client and then formulate a nursing diagnosis. One student, in her narrative summary of the client wrote,"Mr. Doe is an elderly man, he only has twenty teeth in his upper jaw."

I burst into peals of laughter when I read that. The senior lecturor asked me what was so funny. I told her that the student perhaps did not examin the client and wrote whatever she pleased since one can only have sixteen teeth in each jaw. Her reply to me was that it is quite possible to have twenty teeth in the upper jaw since her daughter had had her full set of teeth and she grew some more. Well, myself and another lectuter had the time of our lives laughing at this suggestion.

TDub, MSN, EdD · May 20, 2005

I taught Fundamentals of Nursing a couple years ago and had to explain at length that women had three holes (in the perineum) and men had two. The female student couldn't believe it and argued with me she only had two. She thought you peed out your lady parts.*

* That's why she wouldn't use tampons. She might have a "blockage down there".

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · May 21, 2005

TDub said:

I taught Fundamentals of Nursing a couple years ago and had to explain at length that women had three holes (in the perineum) and men had two. The female student couldn't believe it and argued with me she only had two. She thought you peed out your lady parts.*
* That's why she wouldn't use tampons. She might have a "blockage down there".

Aaaaah, such memories; the spontaneous ones are the best!!! I once had a girl on my bus who asked me what a womb (pronounced like bomb) was. I laughed soo hard I nearly peed my pants. Now I pee them without even trying. :crying2:

HazelLPN, LPN · May 25, 2005

Oh my goodness. I have so many. Way back in the dark ages when I was a student nurse, I was working in a Catholic hospital. It was a Sunday morning and the priest was coming to give communion to all the Catholic patients. One elderly lady received communion from the priest and said in a crackly voice "they sure don't give you much for breakfast in this place".

christyev · May 26, 2005

I Brought A Suppository In To A Nauseated Elderly Client One Time. She Looked At Me And Said "honey, I Caint Swallow That Thang!"

I Nearly Fell Over.