Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 44

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   pwp1289
    this isn't humorous but I'll never forget it---I work in a VA hospital and after 9-11, we were worried that all the TV coverage would affect some Vets especially those with PTSD--we had one vet, over 75 years old sitting in the hall and he stopped me and asked me to take him to see "the commander " so he could reenlist and "help the guys out", when I explained to him that he had passed the age of enlisting, he got this sad look on his face and said--"theres got to be something I can do around here for the guys"-----
  2. by   danissa
    Quote from pwp1289
    this isn't humorous but I'll never forget it---I work in a VA hospital and after 9-11, we were worried that all the TV coverage would affect some Vets especially those with PTSD--we had one vet, over 75 years old sitting in the hall and he stopped me and asked me to take him to see "the commander " so he could reenlist and "help the guys out", when I explained to him that he had passed the age of enlisting, he got this sad look on his face and said--"theres got to be something I can do around here for the guys"-----
    Aww! Thats soo sad. Poor old guy
  3. by   FranEMTnurse
    I agree with danissa.

  4. by   hospiceprn
  5. by   getoverit
    Hello all, I"m new to the forum. A few months ago we were admitting a gentleman who was telling me all about how he would miss attending his church service on the upcoming weekend. One of the volunteer ladies came in with some razors, toothbrushes, combs, etc and asked "Do you need any toilet articles?"
    The man quickly replied, "No ma'am, I only read the Bible."
    They both stared blankly at each other for a few seconds. I've always enjoyed being present when 2 people have no idea what each other are talking about.
  6. by   hospiceprn
    Hi RNREMT-P,

    I work mostly with elderly, and I see that sort of thing happen all the time, and I know what you mean, me too!
  7. by   locolorenzo22
    I've got 2 that spring to mind:.....
    1. So I'm pulled down to a med surg floor to find out that not only am I going to be taking care of 2 confused patients, one of them is in restraints in a chair, and the other is up and down to BSC every 5 the BSC one is in the middle of climbing over her rails and I hear a loud crash from the next room....I re-orient her to the bed, and go next door where I discover that the other confused male(from the VA) was convinced that he was in the VA hospital in Japan and "I've got the engima code, I'll never give it, never!!!". Volunteer visitor had forgotten to put away the folding chair and he grabbed it (while in restraints), and threw it through the I make sure all the chairs are far, far away.
    2. Had a fresh hip surgery who had his family visiting him throughout the night until 9PM or so....upon their leaving, he kept getting up to the side of the bed and proceeding to "hunt" for the bathroom, I ended up having to visit him about every 30 mins at least to make sure he was still in bed. So, I'm in the middle of 3AM rounds, taking VS, and while I'm getting his BP the nurse comes in with a pain pill.
    I finish, nurse hands him pill, he takes it, I say "I'll see you in 30 mins." Of course, when I go back in the room, the patient is GONE!! No sounds, no bathroom noises, just took off on us! I go walking up to the station, say "that patient's gone!", and am greeted by "he can't be gone, I just gave him pain meds!" Well, he's not in the bed! Go hunting down stairs, past the elevators...I find him about 4 units over, slowly making his way down towards the parking garage, cause he was going to "get in my truck, go to Denny's have some waffles, and go home!" Convinced him to come on back, and ended up giving him a ride in a rolling recliner so he wouldn't poop out on me! (of course the other way I found him was by following the drops of urine from his foley where it detached from the tube!)
  8. by   Cindy Lou Who
    Quote from Mountain Nurse
    Well, I am a CNA and I used to work in a LTC facility. We had a man, who was maybe sixty. He had had a quadruple bypass surgery, and had came in on my 3-11 shift. The other aide I was working with went in to check him, and came back out as wide eyed as an owl. She said that mr so and so had a, had a, and then whispered to me that he had an erection. She weighed about 265 lbs, at least, but was convinced that it was her and refused to go back in. Later, we found out that he had ED and his propriopism was permanant. Wasnt the aide after all!!
    while on the surface this event might seem funny, but it is pretty mean spirited all the same. It shows a lack of compassion for a coworker, more than her lack of knowledge about surgical interventions.
  9. by   lemrac
    Well I work at a Dermatology Department.
    Once we had a patient who came to the clinic asking to see a Dermatologist because he was loosing his hair (he wasn't even referred or made any appointment), seeing him in a state of anxiety as he was I asked the Cosultat to see him with out appoitment and calm him down.

    When he was seen by the consultant it was found that he was loosing hair from the back of his sculp and it was a natural process and since there was no abnormalities he was told there was nothing to do, he almost burst into tears. Then the Doctor told him "Let me tell you something, WHEN A MAN LOOSES HAIR FROM THE FRONT, IT MEANS THAT HE THINKS TOO MUCH AND WHEN HE LOOSES HAIR FROM THE BACK OF HIS SCULP IT MEANS HE IS SEXY" ( this started to bring a little smile no his face ) then the Doctor continued " WHEN HE LOOSES FROM THE FRONT ANTHE BACK, IT'S BECAUSE HE THINKS HE IS SEXY"
    And the patient went out of the office with a big smile and reassured there was nothing wrong with him
  10. by   Jessiedog
    I remember, many moons ago when I was a newbie, thought I knew everything and knew nothing, I had an encounter with my very first severely demented lady.

    She had unfortunately contracted Sylphilis from her husband when he was fooling around on the side. He had himself treated, but neglected to inform our patient that she would need treatment too, because that would mean he'd need to admit to being unfaithful!! Anyway, you know the story, she went into stage two, never knew she had the infection until 40 years later when tertiary symptoms started showing up. She was one of the ward favourites, a very sweet and loving lady, but by this time, completely mad!!

    I was fresh from the institute, knowing all about how to deal with delusions and hallucinations: you gently and carefully re-orient your patient to the present day and reality. You refuse to become invlolved in their delusions. Hmmmm, well that's the theory, and it may be good with your younger psych patients who will regain some degree of normality, but I have to say it's like pushing _hi_ uphill for some of the older ones!

    My first encounter was when I opened her closed door to check on her. She was on her hands and knees with the toothpaste tube in her hands. I found out that she had decided that there was a draft coming in, so had decided to fill up the crack under the door with toothpaste!! Eventually I was on my hands and knees too, as I attempted to remove dried up toothpaste from the floor.

    Another memorable encounter was the episode with the window. We had no air-conditioing in this hospital, and all the windows opened, being protected by a fly-screen mesh. Our gentle lady was not happy with my previous explanation that she was not a prisoner, and we weren't trying to harm her, and that she was in hospital. After my fifthieth (I think) repetition of these facts, she nodded and appeared to accept what I'd said as truth. Little did I know!

    Checking on her 20 minutes later, I found her with her bag packed, leaning against the open window, trying to remove the fly-screen. On questioning her she stated "I'm leaving. You people are keeping me away from my husband."

    Once again I tried to explain that he was dead, and we were caring for her. This resulted in tears, and a renewed effort to remove the flyscreen. Thinking I would fix this problem, I closed the window and left her, thinking she would be too frail to slide up the 4-foot wide window. Checking in another 15 minutes, I was astounded to find the window open, and half the fly-screen loose. What was I going to do?? No matter how many times I "gently and carefully re-oriented to reality", this lady did not respond in the way we were taught they should!

    I was desperately trying to think of some way to prevent her from climbing out the window while not betraying the tenets of nursing so recently installed in my brain. I began with:

    "Don't do that. You'll hurt yourself."

    "Why? I'm only going to climb out."

    "You might fall."

    "I've never fallen."

    "But there are plants in the garden outside the window."

    "So I'll walk over them."

    My mind racing desperately, I came up with "But they're roses, they've got big thorns and they'll tear you to pieces." With this, she subsided, quite happy to accept this fabrication.

    I spent the next few days feeling guilty for having told a demented old lady a 'porky'. Now, 15 years later, I've lost count of the number of times I've stretched the truth, or presented it in alternate ways to assist an elderly and confused person. So much for refusing to enter into their delusions! Sometimes I felt like I spent more time in their delusions than in the real world!!
  11. by   hospiceprn

    AMEN, SISTER! I hear ya!

  12. by   Jessiedog
    Just HAD to write this short one! I work now in a Private GP Practise. Being asked to do my 4th ECG for the day, I lead the Italian couple into the side room. It took a little miming and loud talking to understand that she was having the ECG and he was her husband, and was translating for her. (Not that it helped much, his Engish was only marginally better than hers.)

    I got the info across that I needed her to take off shirt, bra etc, and lay on the bed. I handed her a procedure blanket, mimed spreading it over herself, and left them to it.

    On entering the room the husband was sitting happily in his chair, holding his wife's clothes. The wife was laying comfortably on the bed, with it "all hanging loose", the procedure blanket pristinely folded UNDER her to protect the bed.

    Without batting an eyelid, I shook my head, pointed to the blanket and mimed that I would take it out. She lifted up, and I quickly spread the blanket over her upper half, covering all the vitals. The filthy look and stream of violent Italian that flowed towards her husband told me who's idea it was to lay on top of the blanket, rather than use it to preserve modesty!!!
  13. by   hospiceprn
    Hi Jessiedog,

    Thats a great story. It must have added some fun to your day. In my neck-of -woods, we have many people who speak only spanish and I speak SOME spanish as in not completely fluent. My staffing nurse thinks it's funny to send me to a totally spanish speaking it's either sink or swim, somehow I learned to swim REAL quick.