Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2:

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

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Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.

I wasn't a nurse at this time, but I think this still qualifies.

My great-grandmother moved into a nursing home and various members of the extended family came to visit. One of the little cousins, who was three at the time, was getting restless, so another teenage cousin and I took her for a ride in Great-Grandma's wheelchair.

As we wheeled her through the halls of the home, residents and staff stopped to smile and talk to us. Little Cousin was particularly interested in the nursing home's pet budgies, so we stopped to let her watch them for a while. I picked her up so she could see into the cages.

As we were standing there, an elderly resident of the home, whose mind had slipped back to WWI wandered up to us. He looked at the other older cousin and myself suspiciously, then looked Little Cousin in the eye and said, "Get your gun, Honey; the ***** Germans are coming".

Little Cousin looked at him, confused, then went back to the budgie without a word; Older Cousin and I prayed she would not understand what was said to her and just forget the whole thing.

Little Cousin didn't seem to be affected and just kept babbling to us about things she saw and what she thought of the budgies. When she asked to see her parents again, we brought her back to Great-Grandma's room.

Her father smiled at her and asked if she'd had a good time with her two cousins. She nodded at him, then sweetly said, "Get yo' gun, Daddy; the ***** Gewmans awe com'n!".

Man, did we ever have some explaining to do.

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Specializes in M/S, Tele, Peds, ER.

So its nightshift. We're a fun crowd. Pranks go on.

My friend Alice was a new nurse. Probably around 6 months experience under her belt.

She's taking care of a DNR patient among many others.

One of the other nurses (we'll call him Mark) and I page her over-head to "pick up line 2, lab holding". It was actually Mark on the line.

Alice: This is Alice

Mark: Yes, this is Roy in the lab. I'm calling to report a critical lab value on one of your patients. Mr.Lyle in room 232.

Alice: Oh, ok let me get his PIN number

*(patient id verified)*

Mark: Alright. His Troponin is 52.334, CKMB is 443... (goes on to say way-high cardiac enzyme results)

By this time I've started my way strolling "casually" down the hall as she hangs up with "lab". The look on her face was priceless.

"How's it going down here?" I ask

She's rushing over to the chart looking through old lab values, wants to panic, but sees the DNR, she looks at the patient, he's a total care nonverbal immobile nursing home patient (has been since admission).

She talks to me about what the "lab guy" said. By this time, Mark (our charge nurse) is now there.

She asks him, wide-eyed, "what do I do? He's a DNR!"

Mark looks solomnly at her and says "Well... I think we need to say a prayer"

Alice laughs but complies... we all three join hands and Mark leads us in prayer for our patient for about a whole 5 seconds before me and Mark can't take it any more and start DYING laughing.

Ever since then, we'll jokingly call out for a "STAT PRAYER"! When the **** hits the fan :lol2:

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Specializes in Ortho/Rehab and Emergency.

When I was in nursing school, I took care of a little old lady one day who was a diabetic and had been for many, many years. She had a prosthetic leg. (aka) On our first day together, I was assisting her out of bed to get ready for her day. As I reached over to grab the "leg", I noticed that there was a bandaid on it and I couldn't help but ask......"What is the bandaid for?" She looked at me in all seriousness and replied, "I cut myself shaving." :chuckle

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I just finished CNA classes and have no work experience yet... but during our clinicals in the nursing home my classmates and I have a pretty hilarious story when it comes to a particular resident. We'll call her Mrs. D. The classmate this involves is a 6'2" african american woman.... we'll call her S

S was giving Mrs. D a bed bath and they were sharing stories about their families.... S had mentioned her husband... Mrs. D says "Husband? you need to drop those old balls and get yourself a woman" :eek: S didn't know how to respond and just kept on with the bed bath... later that evening Mrs. D's call light was on. Another girl from my class popped in to see what she needed. Mrs. D said to her "Where's that black Stallion?" :roll we all just about peed ourselves! S has a really good sense of humor and did not take offense to this. She probably laughed harder than we did... otherwise it would not have been funny.

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Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.
nursemn said:
my nurse friend was telling me a patient was complaining of knee pain and the x ray tech took him into the room and mistaken him for the wrong patient and did a testicular test on him instead

A friend went in to ER for a fractured heel and was told he would need a CT of his foot to get a better look at the injury, as the swelling was causing problems with the clarity of the X-ray.

Somehow the wrong label got put on his chart and he was taken for a head CT instead.

My comments about him finally getting his head examined were not appreciated. ;)

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Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

Okay, I'll tell one of my funniest and embarrassing stories:

I was a new nurse on a med surge floor. I got report and went to answer the light of one of my patients. He an elderly "gentleman" who wanted to go to the bathroom. He had a posey vest on. I began untying the vest, and helped him to sit up, and he became an sexual octopus! He began trying to grab my breasts, grab me BETWEEN my legs, etc... This went on all the way to the bathroom, it was obvious that he was demented (NOT mentioned in report) I had sweat dripping down my forehead while waiting for him to finish on the toilet.

When he was done, the same thing transpired on the way back to bed. I was huffing a puffing. Finally got him into bed and posey vest on, he "pats" his privates and says "come on hun, you know what to do!" I explained how his "behavior wasn't unacceptable etc...." it went in one ear and out the other.

I left the room only to find all my co-worker huddled together around the desk. I was redfaced and flustered as I told them the story, a few giggles here and there but no real laughter until "Jim" one of the male nurses put his arm around me and deadpanned "Well babs, I wouldn't be TOO flattered if I were you, he did the same thing to me last night" :D:chuckle:yeah:

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Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.
Kiwi RGN said:
He was gripping the man's shoulders, shaking him and loudly saying, 'Are you alright? Wake up! Are you alright? Can you hear me?'

The man woke up with a huge fright, jerked upright, pushing the Registrar away, and shouted, 'Who are you? What are you doing here?'. The Registrar also got a fright, and jumped back...

I couldn't help laughing. Eventually they both saw the funny side- once their heart rates had returned to normal! :wink2:

I was in hospital in 2002 and one morning I was still asleep when the doctor came to do rounds. He called to me a few times, but I kept sleeping, so he asked a female nurse to wake me up.

She called to me a few times, then put her hand on my shoulder and gently shook me. I bolted up in bed, screamed and gave half a swing at her-making her scream back at me.

The doctor came flying in when he heard the hollering and found both of us shaking and laughing. She said, "That's it. I don't care who asks; next time I'll just let you sleep!". The doctor agreed.

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Specializes in emergency room.

Here's a funny from a school nurse:

A little boy comes running into the clinic crying because of an abrasion on his knee. I grab the bactine and 4x4's and he says, "What's that?"

"Bactine," I said.

"What's it for?" he asks.

"For the germs," I said.

"It's not germs....it's blood!!":chuckle

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Specializes in psychiatric only.
leonogist said:
Not quite a patient but a visitor story.

Many years ago, when in first year of hospital based psych training (obviously many years ago) I was working in a ward for clients with a severe intellectual disability. I noticed a security guard I had worked with in my former employment come into the ward, escorting the accounts clerk with their weekly disbursement of funds. At a whim, I quickly ducked into the treatment room and grabbed some Nulax (a dark fruit based laxative for the uninitiated) and proceeded to mold a very good replica of a large stool. I grabbed a glove and a hitchen towel to put the stool in and proceeded into the charge nurses office, where they were doing the money business.

I greeted the deputy charge nurse and the guard and then said to the deputy "Look what I found on the floor in the dayroom". The deputy was very quick off the matk and called me over. "Give me a look", he said, then dipped his finger in and tasted it. "Hmmm, must be .......(a patient) ". I then offered it to the security guard to try. The look on his and the accounts clerk during this was priceless. I then left the room without explaining myself further.

Thank you so much for this story I have a simular one from approx 1 yr ago that still makes me laugh out loud and will always hold a place in my heart.....We had an adolescent who said he had been eating non-edible objects so there was an order to screen his stool for 3 days to see. I wanted to leave work early one eve at the end of a 12 hr shift (bingo addict that I am) my fellow coworkers decided amongst them that I may leave to play my beloved game if I screened the fresh new bowel movement of our adolescent. I quickly agreed to do this and opened the drawer to the tonue depressors. There was none in there or in the nurse's station at the time and all I could find was a plastic fork. Humoring and nauseating my coworkers at the same time I screen this stool for foreign particles. Being confident there were none we threw the hat with the stool in a garbage bag. On my way out the door I threw the bag with the stool away and much to my dismay realized I had thrown the bag down the wrong chute, it went to laundry (@#$%). I then thought of the implications of my mistake and started laughing so hard I was about to hyperventilate. I went back to the nursing station and explained what I had done. Some poor soul the next day was going to go through the laundry and discover my error. Thinking, I assume, that they might think this was a bag with personal belongings in it they would open it. What they would find would have to perplex them. A white plastic cowboy hat with stool in it and a plastic fork that had very obviously been used in the stool. I laughed the whole 1/2 hr drive home and am still laughing now. God I love psychiatric nursing!!

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Specializes in LTC, Alzheimers unit.

I had just started working at a hospital on the med/surg floor as a Unit Secretary, so needless to say I was young and nieve. The nurses had me help out a lot on the floor since I wanted to go to nursing school. One night I was helping and older gentleman by getting him his urinal, I handed it to him and he said no honey I need help... I said oh and I then proceeded to grab his member and place it in the urinal and hold it there for him. After he was done I wrote down how much urine there was and emptied the urinal and placed it in the bathroom. As I was walking out he said thank you so much honey that was the most fun I have had in almost 50 years!!!! I could have done that myself.

I am sure I was a million shades of red..... :saint:

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One of my pts wanted to look out the window (she was in bed 1). Her roomate overheard (bed 2) and said, "Sure! I'm going to fall asleep anyway." So we (2 other RN's and I) pulled the curtin back b/w them. The pt in bed 1 was confused and didn't know that she was in a hospital or that she had a roommate so she asked, "who is that right there?", reffering to her roomate. We explained to her that it was her roommate, and told her that she could play 3 musical instruments.

"oh, NO!" -Confused pt said

"Whats the matter?" I replied.

"I'm stupid." -pt

"No your not, why do you say that?"

"I don't play any instruments." -pt

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I was still a new RN working with my preceptor. I had never anchored a foley on a male and we were about to attempt my first one. The patient was an elderly man with shades of dementia. He was sitting up in his chair when we attempted this deed. I fed foley catheter and more foley catheter until I had no more to advance. This man was also having some pretty good prostate problems, which really hindered my procedure. My preceptor check the patients testicles to make sure that the foley didn't end up in there and low and behold, I had urine! Being serious as a heart attack I say "OH, you just need to play with it". I meant the foley, but since she had just readjusted him, her face turned red, needless to say we were both giggling so hard we couldn't function. Fortunately, I don't think the patient caught any of that and was in his own little world. Good thing for me! :smackingf:banghead:

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