Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2:

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

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Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

Specializes in Education and oncology.

this is a great post! i was caring for a very sensitive oncology patient who had spend hundreds of her own dollars for wigs when she went bald from chemo. she mentioned many times how important her hair was to her. after finishing up, before i left, told her, "ok, i'll get out of your hair now." oops.

had a great teenager who was dying from her leukemia. had to give her a unit of blood, and as i was hanging it, "oh, you must be dying to get this." yeh, she was.... oops.

jess:uhoh3::scrying:

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Specializes in Emergency.

Not funniest ever of course...but funniest in last 24hrs! So yesterday I have this confused, unsteady gait, cyanosed, decreased Sp02 pt come in at 1800h, sats of about 73ish on room air, when questioned re:02 use, pt states usually uses, but occasionally takes it off and forgets to put back on. So when asked about what the pt thinks brought him in that day, he stated that he thought he took his 02 off to have a cigarette in the morning, and then may have forgotten to put it back on. I asked him why he took it off (thought I'd humour the man) and he, looking at me like I was an idiot, stated "OBVIOUSLY because I didn't want to blow myself up!"

:idea: SAFETY FIRST!!!

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These are funny!

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Specializes in Telemetry/General Surgery.

I had a female patient the other day, and I was telling her that her Doc had prescribed some new meds for her:

Me: Well, I think all you have to take tonight is just one lopressor.

Pt: Oh? I thought I was done for the day. I already took a little blue pill.

Me ::eyebrow raised:: What are you doing taking little blue pills?

::her friend starts giggling::

Pt: It had an "M" on it.

Me: Okay, just as long as it didn't have a "V" on it, we're good.

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Specializes in L&D, NICU, High Risk Maternity.
MamaTheNurse said:
oh yeah - OB is great - my husband misses the stories that I came home with when I worked in OB

we had a patient come in to deliver with a tatoo just above her pubic hair that was a word for female genitalia and below it was an arrow pointing down towards said body part - the OB who did her delivery was quite amused and said "How dumb are the guys that she's fooling around with that she has to provide them with directions to where they need to go?" I said "Well, obviously one was smart enough to follow the directions...." :rotfl: :rotfl:

I'm also OB, and I love the tats!

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Specializes in L&D, NICU, High Risk Maternity.
tryingtomakeit said:
OMG! I just got off work and I had an incident happen that made me immediately think of this thread!

I work in L&D and when our patients come in for pitocin inductions, part of our protocol is to administer a fleets enema.

Well, I had a patient to come in this morning to be induced who was only 17 years old. I got through her paperwork and thought to myself, "To only be 17 years old this girl seems to have it all together." I then told her that I would have to give her an enema and she asked what an enema was. So I explained it to her - I showed her the enema and told her that I would put the liquid into her rectum and that she should hold it for a bit, then when she needed to, we would get up and go to the bathroom. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Won't that drown my baby??!!!!"

That is too funny! We use the large bucket enemas for our inductions, and explaining it to the teen moms is always funny.

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this isn't humorous but I'll never forget it---I work in a VA hospital and after 9-11, we were worried that all the TV coverage would affect some Vets especially those with PTSD--we had one vet, over 75 years old sitting in the hall and he stopped me and asked me to take him to see "the commander " so he could reenlist and "help the guys out", when I explained to him that he had passed the age of enlisting, he got this sad look on his face and said--"theres got to be something I can do around here for the guys"-----

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Specializes in ER/ICU/Flight.

Hello all, I"m new to the forum. A few months ago we were admitting a gentleman who was telling me all about how he would miss attending his church service on the upcoming weekend. One of the volunteer ladies came in with some razors, toothbrushes, combs, etc and asked "Do you need any toilet articles?"

The man quickly replied, "No ma'am, I only read the Bible."

They both stared blankly at each other for a few seconds. I've always enjoyed being present when 2 people have no idea what each other are talking about.

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Hi RNREMT-P,

I work mostly with elderly, and I see that sort of thing happen all the time, and I know what you mean, me too!:rotfl:

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Specializes in Ortho, Neuro, Detox, Tele.

I've got 2 that spring to mind:.....

1. So I'm pulled down to a med surg floor to find out that not only am I going to be taking care of 2 confused patients, one of them is in restraints in a chair, and the other is up and down to BSC every 5 minutes....so the BSC one is in the middle of climbing over her rails and I hear a loud crash from the next room....I re-orient her to the bed, and go next door where I discover that the other confused male(from the VA) was convinced that he was in the VA hospital in Japan and "I've got the engima code, I'll never give it, never!!!". Volunteer visitor had forgotten to put away the folding chair and he grabbed it (while in restraints), and threw it through the window.....now I make sure all the chairs are far, far away.

2. Had a fresh hip surgery who had his family visiting him throughout the night until 9PM or so....upon their leaving, he kept getting up to the side of the bed and proceeding to "hunt" for the bathroom, I ended up having to visit him about every 30 mins at least to make sure he was still in bed. So, I'm in the middle of 3AM rounds, taking VS, and while I'm getting his BP the nurse comes in with a pain pill.

I finish, nurse hands him pill, he takes it, I say "I'll see you in 30 mins." Of course, when I go back in the room, the patient is GONE!! No sounds, no bathroom noises, just took off on us! I go walking up to the station, say "that patient's gone!", and am greeted by "he can't be gone, I just gave him pain meds!" Well, he's not in the bed! Go hunting down stairs, past the elevators...I find him about 4 units over, slowly making his way down towards the parking garage, cause he was going to "get in my truck, go to Denny's have some waffles, and go home!" Convinced him to come on back, and ended up giving him a ride in a rolling recliner so he wouldn't poop out on me! (of course the other way I found him was by following the drops of urine from his foley where it detached from the tube!)

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Mountain Nurse said:
Well, I am a CNA and I used to work in a LTC facility. We had a man, who was maybe sixty. He had had a quadruple bypass surgery, and had came in on my 3-11 shift. The other aide I was working with went in to check him, and came back out as wide eyed as an owl. She said that mr so and so had a, had a, and then whispered to me that he had an erection. She weighed about 265 lbs, at least, but was convinced that it was her and refused to go back in. Later, we found out that he had ED and his propriopism was permanant. Wasnt the aide after all!!

while on the surface this event might seem funny, but it is pretty mean spirited all the same. It shows a lack of compassion for a coworker, more than her lack of knowledge about surgical interventions.

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Well I work at a Dermatology Department.

Once we had a patient who came to the clinic asking to see a Dermatologist because he was loosing his hair (he wasn't even referred or made any appointment), seeing him in a state of anxiety as he was I asked the Cosultat to see him with out appoitment and calm him down.

When he was seen by the consultant it was found that he was loosing hair from the back of his sculp and it was a natural process and since there was no abnormalities he was told there was nothing to do, he almost burst into tears. Then the Doctor told him "Let me tell you something, WHEN A MAN LOOSES HAIR FROM THE FRONT, IT MEANS THAT HE THINKS TOO MUCH AND WHEN HE LOOSES HAIR FROM THE BACK OF HIS SCULP IT MEANS HE IS SEXY" ( this started to bring a little smile no his face ) then the Doctor continued " WHEN HE LOOSES FROM THE FRONT ANTHE BACK, IT'S BECAUSE HE THINKS HE IS SEXY"

And the patient went out of the office with a big smile and reassured there was nothing wrong with him

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