Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 30

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   SinOmonGrl63
    :chuckle My story happened a couple of years ago when I was a CNA on a tele. floor and several of us were sitting around the nurses station just winding down the shift. We were sitting next to the tele. monitors when a patient rang in and on speaker we heard him say in a loud and pitiful voice "can you send my nurse in - I'm having pain!"... To that the monitor tech inquired "where are you having pain?" .. and the patient replied in all seriousness
    "in 221" !!
    Last edit by SinOmonGrl63 on Jan 12, '07
  2. by   vonxojn
    This was a weird incident when I was an CNA on a labor/delivery floor. We had a patient that came onto the floor beginning the laboring process. We took her to the room and asked her to undress into a gown and the MD would come in to check her. When the MD came in to vaginally check her... he pulled back the sheet and saw the tatoo on the vaginally area with the words,"Man's best friend" and her clitoris had an earring . Talk about a quiet moment in the room.
  3. by   EmerNurse
    Just remembered this one from a couple years back.

    Had two patients in rooms next to each other. Both were in for a few weeks and neither was ambulatory. The Lady tended to be on the call bell often for this or that - nothing horrid and she was nice but got pushy and demanding at times. The Gentleman in the next room had a habit of ignoring his callbell and just shouting NURSE at the top of his lungs when he wanted something, to the point that his wife would tell him "now you leave that nurse alone, you can move your own foot 2 inches over!" She wasn't around at night.

    Both rooms were right by the nurses station. One night they'd both been dinging/yelling off and on, especially the gent. Finally, the Gent shouted NURSE again one more time (he'd been checked on not 5 minutes before) and before we can even move, our Lady in the next room screams SHUT UP ALREADY. Then the Gent shouts HELL NO! YOU SHUT UP. and the Lady shouts I'LL MAKE YOU SHUT UP! (at this point we're simply dying at the station. He shouts back LET'S SEE YOU GET UP AND COME IN HERE! and so on till we finally quit laughing and calmed them both down. Mind you, they'd never laid eyes on each other.

    I'll never forget those two LOL.
  4. by   nitewarrior
    Right now I am a CNA in a nursing home( until I graduate this spring). A couple of years ago, I had a very elderly lady age: 103. She couldnt sleep. So as I sat down talking to her she asked "Are there any old people in here?" I replied Yes M'am. I have a patient who is 103 years old. After a gasp and horrible look of disgust, she said "Oh, good Lord! Dont she have the sense to just go on and die?" Never realizing she was talking about herself. Now she is 105, I guess she never did take her own advice.
  5. by   vicky1964
    I work as a Home Health Nurse . I was talking to a pt's husband . when she told me to keep my" hands out of her cookie jar ,"
  6. by   staceylee67
    While transferring a drunk pt who was slurring his words, the pt said "Look at all of these beautiful nurses... I'm gonna get laid". (Did I mention I am hard of hearing too?). So I said.. "Hey.. we don't talk like that around here". So he said "What??" So I said.."No one is getting laid around here". After gasping in shock.. he replied.. "I said I've got it MADE". All of the other nurses laughed, I turned bright red, and luckily the pt saw the humor in this whole thing.
  7. by   runaway
    I asked the elderly patient's wife for a urine... for lab test.
    She went to her husband's bed and uttered:

    "Sweetheart, take off your wet diaper and hand it to the nurse."

  8. by   nrscindy
    :smilecoffeecup: Working in a pediatric ER can be challenging ,not only to get the kids to do what you want, but, also dealing with the parents. These parents see us hold down their child to start IV's and do other procedures. One night I had a 3 year old boy who was very dry, and needed fliuds. He was a fighter, and it took 5-- count'em 5 nurses to hold him down. We got the IV and bloods on the first stick. After labeling all of the blood, and sending to lab, I went in to hang the fluids. He then announced to me "Lady... my daddy is gonna whip your butt". We all laughed and the dad seemed to be shrinking!!!!!!! :chuckle
  9. by   Kayartea
    My favorite was the pt who had a rollover ATV accident and needed a splenectomy. His mother didn't speak much English and apparently didn't grasp my explanation of her son's injuries. I came to full realization of this when his sister called. He was still intubated and couldn't talk, but indicated it was ok for me to talk to her. I told her he was going to be fine, to which she replied, "Well, I don't know how you can say that when he'll never walk again." I replied that he would be able to walk and she said, "How is that possible without a spine????"
  10. by   rainfallrx
    Quote from mangb
    i have 2 the first one was i had this little lady who had one of her legs missing aka and she had a prostatic we had just got done with her shower and had her dressed and in her chair with her leg on when we were going down the hall her leg got stuck behind the chair making it look like her leg was bent all the way back under the chair this maint man see's this and starts screaming about her leg breaking. her being the funny person that she was started screaming as well saying oh my God you tore my leg off
    That is tooo Funny LOL
  11. by   Franksters
    I was a nursing assistant on TCU while in school. I was bathing a man who was unresponsive. The word was "He" was already gone. Things went great!.......Until. I began washing "P" and "The boys" when he got an erection! I was sooo excited!!! You see, at that moment I thought they were all wrong! He was alive!! Guess what.....He had an implant.

    I swear this is true.
  12. by   Franksters
    Thought of a classic. I worked in a very progressive, groundbreaking tertiary facility in downtown ________ (hint-we are now the 16th largest city in the country...big whoop). We received a lot of patients from Appalacia (for reasons I will not go into). I was caring for a woman who ended up coding and dyng. Her husband arrived and stated, "I am ready to take her home now." I explained that we would take care of all the travel arrangments if he would tell me what funeral home he wanted. He stated, "Travel arrangments? I can take her home. That's why I drove the Flat bed." True story
  13. by   zologista
    don't we all have enough stories like this to fill a book or two. they are what make nursing less stressfull, and face it sometimes you just have to laugh or you will cry.

    one night i was orienting a new nurse to the ltc facility where i worked. there was only one nurse at night and a crew of 3 cna's. we had a locked alzheimer's unit but if they were sleeping at night we would go ahead and open the doors so the cna assigned to that unit wouldn't have to sit with only the looney's for company. we were between rounds and i was doing some charting and showing the new nurse our paper work when we hear whoooooooooooohoooooooooo! coming from the alzhiemer's unit. we entered the pt's room to find him riding his stationary bike totally naked. in addition to the "danglies" (lol btw) he had finger painted the entire room. (now i know any nurse that has been a nurse longer than a month knows what finger painting is. for the students' claification, he did not use finger paint.) well, feeling like showering the pt would be easier than cleaning the entire room of feces, i and the nurse i was oreintating took this blind alzhiemer's pt to the shower. all went well till we came to the "danglies". then the pt said "i can tell there are two of you by your voices, but that doesn't matter. i can take ya both." that was the shortest shower i have ever given.

    another time when i was working er and med/surg in a rual setting, we had a lady come in that said she cut her finger. her husband was at her side. he very calmly and matter of factly told us she was fighting demon possession. (in all reality she was pissed cuz her 18 yr old son went on his senior trip without her permission, and she was throwing a huge fit)! well i am one that respects other people's belief system so i gave them both the benefit of the doubt. in just a minute before we even had her paper work filled out good, the "demon possessed" woman looks at me just as calmly as could be and says "i feel the demon coming" and then screams right in my face. her husband asks if he can be alone with her for just a moment, i think to myself gladly, so i leave the er and go to the nurses station and proceed to turn the sound up on the video. (the entire staff is gathered around the monitor by this time.) i hear the man praying and saying "in the name of jesus i command you to be gone." then he smacks her dead in the middle of her forehead and she falls back on the stretcher. omg it took me almost a full 30 secs to run back to the er to protect my pt. when i got there they were both just as calm as they could be.

    well i could go on and on. but i will only share one last one. my mother was working as a ward clerk/unit secretary. i was a candy striper at that time at the same hospital. i was in 7th grade and the ward was having a horrible night. one of those full moon nights. all the nurses and cna's were running there legs off and as a young candy striper i couldnt help much. anyway no one was around and all of a sudden this elderly black minister comes up to my mother at the nurses station and demands to see the administrator. my mother was aghast thinking that something was horribly wrong for this sweet caring man to be complaining. so mother asked "rev. b**** what's the problem? can i help?" rev b**** proceeds to tell her, "well i am mad cuz i died 4 hrs ago and i still haven't been embalmed." lol. i wish i had been there to see mom's face. i just had to share that one because now as a 37 yr old, mom and i still die in laughter about this story.