International Dumb Questions

  1. warning the following contains large amounts of australian humour

    these questions about australia were posted on an australian tourism website and obviously the answers came from a fellow aussie.

    1. q: does it ever get windy in australia? i have never seen it rain on tv, so how do the plants grow? (uk)
    a: we import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. q: will i be able to see kangaroos in the street? (usa)
    a: depends how much you've been drinking

    3. q: i want to walk from perth to sydney - can i follow the railroad tracks? (sweden)
    a: sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

    4. q: is it safe to run around in the bushes in australia? (sweden)
    a: so its true what they say about swedes.

    5. q: it is imperative that i find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (italy)
    a: let's not touch this one.

    6. q: are there any atms (cash machines) in australia? can you sendme a list of them in brisbane, cairns, townsville and hervey bay? (uk)
    a: what did your last slave die of?

    7. q: can you give me some information about hippo racing in
    australia? (usa)
    a: a-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of europe.
    aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which
    does not... oh forget it. sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in kings cross. come naked.

    8. q: which direction is north in australia? (usa)
    a: face south and then turn 90 degrees. contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    9. q: can i bring cutlery into australia? (uk)
    a: why? just use your fingers like we do.

    10. q: can you send me the vienna boys' choir schedule? (usa)
    a: aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering ger-man-y, which
    is...oh forget it. sure, the vienna boys choir plays every tuesday
    night in kings cross, straight after the hippo races. come naked.

    11. q: do you have perfume in australia? (france)
    a: no, we don't stink.

    12. q: i have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. can you tell me where i can sell it in australia (usa)
    a: anywhere significant numbers of americans gather.

    13. q: can i wear high heels in australia? (uk)
    a: you are a british politician, right?

    14. q: can you tell me the regions in tasmania where the female
    population is smaller than the male population? (italy)
    a: yes, gay nightclubs.

    15. q: do you celebrate christmas in australia? (france)
    a: only at christmas.

    17. q: are there supermarkets in sydney and is milk available all
    year round? (germany)
    a: no, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. milk is illegal.

    18. q: please send a list of all doctors in australia who can
    dispense rattlesnake serum. (usa)
    a: rattlesnakes live in a-meri-ca which is where you come from. all australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    19. q: i have a question about a famous animal in australia, but i
    forget its name. it's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (usa)
    a: it's called a drop bear. they are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. you can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    21. q: i was in australia in 1969 on r+r, and i want to contact the girl i dated while i was staying in kings cross. can you help? (usa)
    a: yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    22. q: will i be able to speek english most places i go? (usa)
    a: yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

    is there any comparable list of quesiotns for other countries?
    Last edit by gwenith on Apr 24, '03
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    About gwenith

    Joined: Jul '02; Posts: 10,261; Likes: 233
    icu nurse


  3. by   eltrip
    I love it! Great sense of humour!
  4. by   redshiloh
    That was SOOO bad...Thanks I needed that!! It's nice to know that Australia also has its' complement of smart alecks a well.
  5. by   jnette
    OMG< that was just toooooooo good !!! WOW, it was perfect ! I esecially like the rhinos, Vienna Boy's Choir, etc. So true, so true ! And the Drop Bear ! :chuckle

    Oh boy, were these good !!! GREAT humor, there ! Bravo !
  6. by   Tilleycs
    LOL! Thanks! Great post!
  7. by   debbyed
    :roll :chuckle
  8. by   gwenith
    now - here are some dumb questions for our canadian cousins :d

    1. do you really have snow in canada?

    2. what part of the niagra falls does canada own?

    3. is canada close to the antartic?

    4. did you vote for george bush?

    5. do you really use dog sleds to travel around all the time?

    6. are there polar bears in montreal?

    i am looking forward to the replies to this little lot! lol! :d
    Last edit by gwenith on Apr 24, '03
  9. by   Jay-Jay
    1. Do you really have snow in Canada?

    SUUURE! Come on up in July, and don't forget your snowshoes!

    2. What part of the Niagra falls does Canada Own?

    The side they named Viagra after!

    3. Is Canada close to the Antartic?

    You must be American, right?? Want to find Antarctica? Go to the Mexican border, and keep on walking. When you get to the bottom of South America, start swimming. The penguins can give you directions....

    4. Did you vote for George Bush?

    George WHO??

    5. Do you really use dog sleds to travel around all the time?

    Only when my snowmobile is in the shop!

    6. Are there Polar Bears in Montreal?

    Ummm....depends on which zoo you're visiting!
  10. by   gwenith
    Great response Jay Jay . I knew I could rely on our Canadian cousins to come up with some funny answers and not the ones I expected!!!

    Now all I have to do is think up some more for the UK, America.........
  11. by   karenG
    I am going to give this some thought.........there must be some stupid questions that I have about the states!

  12. by   gwenith
    okay the board needs a humour injection again

    here are some dumb international questions for our uk cousins

    1. what language do they speak in england?

    2. do you really have leprechauns in england?

    3. do you often have dinner with the queen?

    4. is it as wet as they say it is in england?

    5. do you really eat leek soup and haggis?

    6. does everyone live in a castle?

    7. do you know the way to hogwarts school?

    8. what part of ireland is scotland in?

    9. did st patrick really drive the snakes out of wales?

    10. where do you keep the loch ness monster?
  13. by   PennyLane
    I don't have any witty replies to the above but I did want to relate the following. My brother-in-law is British, and he lives in America. He has had people tell him that they were surprised he was from England because his English is so good. (duh)

    He also had someone say, "Hmmm...England...Thomas' English Muffins...Do you have cars in England, or do you all drive horse and buggy?"

    Wish I could remember the others. Mostly he just smiles and and politely answers their questions (how British!).
  14. by   Zee_RN
    OMG, that is hilarious. I have tears running down my face. The drop bear is my favorite. TEE-HEE!!! I can't stop, oh help me....

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