Published Apr 24, 2003
warning the following contains large amounts of australian humour
these questions about australia were posted on an australian tourism website and obviously the answers came from a fellow aussie.
1. q: does it ever get windy in australia? i have never seen it rain on tv, so how do the plants grow? (uk)
a: we import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. q: will i be able to see kangaroos in the street? (usa)
a: depends how much you've been drinking
3. q: i want to walk from perth to sydney - can i follow the railroad tracks? (sweden)
a: sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. q: is it safe to run around in the bushes in australia? (sweden)
a: so its true what they say about swedes.
5. q: it is imperative that i find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (italy)
a: let's not touch this one.
6. q: are there any atms (cash machines) in australia? can you sendme a list of them in brisbane, cairns, townsville and hervey bay? (uk)
a: what did your last slave die of?
7. q: can you give me some information about hippo racing in
a: a-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of europe.
aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which
does not... oh forget it. sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in kings cross. come naked.
8. q: which direction is north in australia? (usa)
a: face south and then turn 90 degrees. contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. q: can i bring cutlery into australia? (uk)
a: why? just use your fingers like we do.
10. q: can you send me the vienna boys' choir schedule? (usa)
a: aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. sure, the vienna boys choir plays every tuesday
night in kings cross, straight after the hippo races. come naked.
11. q: do you have perfume in australia? (france)
a: no, we don't stink.
12. q: i have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. can you tell me where i can sell it in australia (usa)
a: anywhere significant numbers of americans gather.
13. q: can i wear high heels in australia? (uk)
a: you are a british politician, right?
14. q: can you tell me the regions in tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (italy)
a: yes, gay nightclubs.
15. q: do you celebrate christmas in australia? (france)
a: only at christmas.
17. q: are there supermarkets in sydney and is milk available all
year round? (germany)
a: no, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. milk is illegal.
18. q: please send a list of all doctors in australia who can
dispense rattlesnake serum. (usa)
a: rattlesnakes live in a-meri-ca which is where you come from. all australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
19. q: i have a question about a famous animal in australia, but i
forget its name. it's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (usa)
a: it's called a drop bear. they are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. you can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
21. q: i was in australia in 1969 on r+r, and i want to contact the girl i dated while i was staying in kings cross. can you help? (usa)
a: yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
22. q: will i be able to speek english most places i go? (usa)
a: yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
is there any comparable list of quesiotns for other countries?
I love it! Great sense of humour!
That was SOOO bad...Thanks I needed that!! It's nice to know that Australia also has its' complement of smart alecks a well.
jnette, ASN, EMT-I
Oh boy, were these good !!! GREAT humor, there ! Bravo !
LOL! Thanks! Great post!
gwenith, BSN, RN
now - here are some dumb questions for our canadian cousins
1. do you really have snow in canada?
2. what part of the niagra falls does canada own?
3. is canada close to the antartic?
4. did you vote for george bush?
5. do you really use dog sleds to travel around all the time?
6. are there polar bears in montreal?
i am looking forward to the replies to this little lot! lol!
1. Do you really have snow in Canada?
SUUURE! Come on up in July, and don't forget your snowshoes!
2. What part of the Niagra falls does Canada Own?
The side they named Viagra after!
3. Is Canada close to the Antartic?
You must be American, right?? Want to find Antarctica? Go to the Mexican border, and keep on walking. When you get to the bottom of South America, start swimming. The penguins can give you directions....
4. Did you vote for George Bush?
5. Do you really use dog sleds to travel around all the time?
Only when my snowmobile is in the shop!
6. Are there Polar Bears in Montreal?
Ummm....depends on which zoo you're visiting!
Great response Jay Jay . I knew I could rely on our Canadian cousins to come up with some funny answers and not the ones I expected!!!
Now all I have to do is think up some more for the UK, America.........
Create well-written care plans that meets your patient's health goals.
This study guide will help you focus your time on what's most important.
Choosing a specialty can be a daunting task and we made it easier.
By using the site, you agree with our Policies. X