Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

Specializes in 6 years of ER fun, med/surg, blah, blah.
Offered a doctor some Reese's member instead of Reese's Pieces one time. He said "i don't know who Reese is, but i doubt he's willing to give that away. Besides, i have one of my own". Words do not express embarrassment of that level.

I used to work in a restaurant & we called the pina colada's "member collasus"

yuk yuk:chuckle

Well, a couple of days ago some family members asked me why their mother wasn't responding as well as she had earlier (I had given her some Morphine for pain)...I replied...."Well...she's very sleazy...um...sleepy". Luckily, they didn't catch it, but my fellow nurses did....haven't heard the last of it yet.:rotfl:

Specializes in oncology.

I used to work in manufacturing and we had a table grinder that was off balance and not working correctly because a screw had vibrated out. My supervisor was giving me alot of grief - snapping at me to get it fixed right now! So, I called maintance and said " I need a screw really bad!" :imbar

Specializes in Medical.

Some of these are hilarious!

One morning after night duty (brain and mouth not entirely engaged) a couple of us went out for breakfast. I ordered a hot chocolate and meant to say "no marshmallow," but I'd been looking at the eggs and said "no mushroom".

The waiter said "Are you sure?"

When he brought out my drink there was a sliced mushroom on the saucer. He yelled over to the kitchen "I said no mushroom! No mushroom!" and profusely apologised. It's hard to drink hot chocolate when you keep cracking up - big tip!

Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

I can't say I regretted this one, but it was definitely a case of my mouth operating ahead of my brain.

Many years ago I worked in a burn unit that was having MRSA problems. The infection control nurse cultured everyone and guess who was the culprit? One of the residents. Anyway, along with the MRSA we had a run of patients who didn't do well for a variety of reasons. This resident was sort of a smart *** and not one of my favorites. We also had a nurse who was one of those who was defnitely out to get her MD. She was a cute girl but related to most of the docs, who were mostly male, with being flirtatious, etc etc, just annoyed me no end.

I was in the nurses' lounge one day when this resident and this nurse came in. They were carrying on a conversation- she was complimenting him on his shirt, a chamois cloth thing as I recall. She said "that looks like a hunting shirt, do you like to hunt?" He started to say "No, I don't like going out in the woods and killing things...." and before he could go any farther, my mouth opened and out came:"No, he prefers doing it in the comfort and safety of the hospital!" I promise, it just bypassed my filtering mechanism altogether, I knew I was thinking it the same time they did! They both just stared at me with their mouths hanging open.

One of the funniest I ever heard, I was not guilty of. It was in church, of all places. We had a guy from the Gideons in one Sunday and he was talking about their organization and what they do. He started to say "these little cities" but what came out was "these little titties..." He turned very red and looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. I don't think anyone heard another word he said, we were all too busy trying not to laugh! This was several years ago but I still laugh when I think about it. Poor man. I would've moved to Timbuktu.

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Many moons ago I worked at a restaurant called the "Catfish Shack". During orientation, the hostesses had to practice over the mike "Good afternoon, welcome to the Catfish Shack". After many practices, it was my turn for the mike where I calmly said "Good afternoon, Welcome to the CATSHIT FACK".

It's been over twenty years, and I still have to concentrate really hard and speak really slow to say it correctly.

:rotfl: :rotfl: I love this!!!!
Specializes in Infusion, Oncology, Home Care, Med/Surg.

This happened little over a year ago. 1 day after I was send home with my newborn I had difficulty breastfeeding my baby, so I paged my OB/GYN . Shortly I received a call back displayed as "U of P" on my caller id. I picked up the phone assuming this was my doctor calling from the hospital. The lady on the phone said she received my message and was asking how she can help me. I told her "I am having firmness in my breasts and my baby refusing to breastfeed. What should I do?" After a long pause, she said "I don't know anything about that!"

Turns out she was calling from University of Phoenix online program, because I send her an email few days before that asking about their distance learning program. How embarrassing!!!!!!!

Specializes in LTC.
I can't say I regretted this one, but it was definitely a case of my mouth operating ahead of my brain.

Many years ago I worked in a burn unit that was having MRSA problems. The infection control nurse cultured everyone and guess who was the culprit? One of the residents. Anyway, along with the MRSA we had a run of patients who didn't do well for a variety of reasons. This resident was sort of a smart *** and not one of my favorites. We also had a nurse who was one of those who was defnitely out to get her MD. She was a cute girl but related to most of the docs, who were mostly male, with being flirtatious, etc etc, just annoyed me no end.

I was in the nurses' lounge one day when this resident and this nurse came in. They were carrying on a conversation- she was complimenting him on his shirt, a chamois cloth thing as I recall. She said "that looks like a hunting shirt, do you like to hunt?" He started to say "No, I don't like going out in the woods and killing things...." and before he could go any farther, my mouth opened and out came:"No, he prefers doing it in the comfort and safety of the hospital!" I promise, it just bypassed my filtering mechanism altogether, I knew I was thinking it the same time they did! They both just stared at me with their mouths hanging open.

That was great!!! :rotfl:

Specializes in Lactation Ed, Pp, MS, Hospice, Agency.
That post was so funny gale!

I always laugh when I say the saying that a long time ago friend would say for: You are such a smart fellow, and say "You are such a fart smeller"... lol... it still makes me chuckle.

LOL... my dad used to say this! He died 3 years ago, thanks for making me smile and remember!

~MJ

Specializes in Lactation Ed, Pp, MS, Hospice, Agency.

"Given the time of the morning, the guy placing his order asked if I wanted that picture with or without clothes!"

Took me a minute...but ILMBO!!!

Thanks!

~MJ

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
This happened little over a year ago. 1 day after I was send home with my newborn I had difficulty breastfeeding my baby, so I paged my OB/GYN . Shortly I received a call back displayed as "U of P" on my caller id. I picked up the phone assuming this was my doctor calling from the hospital. The lady on the phone said she received my message and was asking how she can help me. I told her "I am having firmness in my breasts and my baby refusing to breastfeed. What should I do?" After a long pause, she said "I don't know anything about that!"

Turns out she was calling from University of Phoenix online program, because I send her an email few days before that asking about their distance learning program. How embarrassing!!!!!!!

Embarrassing for you, but :rotfl: really hilarious! Sounds like my story when I called the lumber company wanting to ask if they had tarpaper but instead blurted out toilet paper.:imbar The guy on the other end would not let me off the phone. He laughed and teased and then he laughed and teased some more. I did not want to go there to pick up the tarpaper, but I needed it, so I did go.:D

An elderly patient told her aide,

"I can tell by your eyes you were never married."

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