10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for - page 12
Very, very funny and true! If I may add one more: "Spread open your legs so I can insert this "(foley cath)... Read More
Aug 15, '091. Someone want to get the pu$$y (cat) out of the cage.
2. Just gently stroke downward and it (the vein) will pop up.
3. Just put a little KY on your finger to lubricate.
4. Do you want it open or closed? (Inserting a tom cat cath into a plugged tom cat)
5. You want to pick up that testicle?
6. It looks like your murdered someone in here.
7. Ok lets turn her around so that I can look at her vulva.
8. I need more drugs.
9. When this is slippery it slides in much easier.
10. Come on big boy let me have it (cleaning the sheath on a horse).
Aug 17, '09how about....
Are you ready to go to bed?
I'm just going to take some pictures of your cervix ( during a SANE exam)
When was the last time you had consentual sex?
(during nurse-to nurse) Is he/she a normal walkie talkie?
Aug 25, '09"may I touch your breast and squeeze your nipple?" I once said as a nursing student to a post-partum client while trying to teach her how to express milk and latch on the baby! :chuckle
Aug 25, '09another one I said just yesterday...
"now pull down your pants, roll to the side and I'll put it in" (when giving a supp)
Aug 26, '09"Look, if I do that, his guts are going to hit the bed." -- Said to charge while explaining I wasn't following doc's orders to remove staples which were gapping open every time the pt took a deep breath (MD aware, and basically wanted it to be the nurse's fault) -- and the nurse on the next shift did, and the pt did evicerate.
"Okay, he's paralyzed, tube him."
Nov 2, '09"Can you strip for me?" Telling a partner to remove an unconscious pts clothes during transport.
"All balls accounted for." Counting the medicine balls used for physical therapy.
"Suck harder!!" While suctioning an unconscious pt aspirating on their vomit.
"I'm doing him." In a multiple victim car crash, referring to whose pt was whose.
"I'd tap that!" Telling a nurse to tap the needle before giving the injection.
"I have discharges."
"No honey, you need to blow, not suck, to get it up." Said to an elderly pt trying to move the bar on the o2 breather.
And the one I will never, ever live down... "Hey, 'Jim'!! You need to give me an oral before you leave. Don't worry, I'm fast!" Said to the EMS crew who tried to leave without given me an oral report on the pt. Fast meaning I record the info quickly. The attending laughed until he cried...
Nov 7, '09Let's try massaging your breasts. (To help with engorgement postpartum.)
Let's soak your breasts in warm water. (Same problem as above.)
Can you roll your nipples in your fingers to get them to stand out. (To help women with flat nipples to breastfeed their newborn.)
Try squeezing your nipples, like this, to get a little milk to come out. (To entice a reluctant baby to nurse.)
Let me massage your uterus. (To help it shrink down and slow postpartum bleeding.)
Do you have any pain "down there?"
Nov 16, '09"I've been too busy to record. Let me give you oral."
The nurse I told it to looked at me like I was insane and busted out laughing. When I realized how it sounded, I almost peed my laughing.