Nurses struggling with mental illness

[Severina]

I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

[inthesky]

Babs,

Im a new grad, but im beginning to understand your problem. I'm bipolar and 4 months of night shift has unraveled me pretty badly. I talked to my nurse manager about day shift (which there are no positions). I of course made no mention of bipolar..because yeah.. i did say that i was getting physically ill and depressed.. she truly is a nice person, but she didnt give a crap because me leaving puts a strain on our small psych unit. now im faced with do i risk my health and what tiny morsel that is left of my mental stability to work the next few months until i can find a day position elsewhere? or just leave for me?

I really feel for you and wish you the best. I don't do well with dealing with medical trauma. Sometimes i get pangs of panic when i drive thinking of what happens to people after wrecks. My clinical rotation in ICU was horrible.. nothing bad in particular happened (other than the usual dying, suffering patients, but i wanted to hide in the supply room and cry the entire rotation. I don't think you should be taking call anymore. Do you see a psychiatrist? Following the Americans with Disabilities act 1990, we have the right to reasonable accommodations. It is definitely time to look at your own needs first. I am wishing you the very best and healing for your tragedies.

[Owney]

Babs,

From my first day in the ER of a major trauma center, I knew I was putting myself at risk for PTSD. In 1981 I don't think it even had a name yet, and I had no idea how much I was paying until I was retired from nursing. One day my boss decided she no longer loved me and I was fired, black-balled, blocked my six-months' unemployment and questioned my license. It took about six months to realize what "at will" meant, and another six before I began to learn what PTSD is.

I learned more from the Viet Nam Veterans Against the War (without whom I question whether PTSD would ever be added to the medical diagnosis manual) website than from any other source. What I learned about PTSD is that it gets worse before it gets better. I also learned that one can seldom attribute it to a single episode, and that it did not begin on my first day in ER, but from the day I was sworn into the Navy. I filed for a veteran's pension, and after nearly a year the V.A. told me, "You must be wounded in combat. You cannot get PTSD by being stabbed by your boss, surviving a typhoon nor from witnessing the carnage of combat."

I took two leaves of absence from the trauma center. On both occasions I saw my internist and my psychiatrist. I kept copies of my visits and only recently read that my employee health record contained documentation that, "Illness not related to employment." Evidently this prevented my family from suing the hospital if I were to commit suicide.

The most important thing I have learned about it is that, although there is no cure, one can learn to live with it. Like you, I tried PACU and it did not work out for me. When I had same-day surgery, I saw the way my nurse was pressured by her supervisor. I decided that their was no chance of finding any RN position that does not demand life-or-death responsibility and a constant demand for superhuman perfection.

Isn't it amazing that I could work in a major teaching hospital that had a "trauma victims counseling program" and they could completely disregard my emotional needs?

I looked into the impaired nurses programs in my state and found that their only help was mandated for nurses who were addicted to alcohol or other drugs. I did get help (group and individual therapy) at my community mental health program, but again, most of it was directed at drug dependence. I had stopped drinking as soon as I realized that with no income, it was a hobby that I could no longer afford. Most of my fellow group members were mandated by their parole/probation officers, and after "how to avoid relapse" for the umpteenth time in eighteen months I stopped attending group sessions. I did continue bi-weekly individual therapy sessions until I relocated to a much smaller city with a much more affordable cost-of-living.

I renewed my license in my former state and considered transferring it to my new home. After talking to other nurses I found out that there are only two hospitals in town, and both treat employees even worse than in the big city. Our family dollar goes much further here, so I hope I will never have to earn a nickel by nursing. I intend to volunteer at the senior citizens' and poor peoples centers for blood pressure, glucose, visual, nutritional and general health screening. I love nursing too much to ever abandon it completely, but even "paperwork" nursing jobs eventually have pressures (quotas, increasing case-loads).

I am at a loss to recommend a field of nursing that is pressure-free. I would guess that the State of New York may have on-line PTSD resources. Have you checked with Albany? If you have insurance, can you see a therapist?

After a thirty-two months' battle I qualified for social security disability retirement for Crohn's ulcerative colitis, degenerative arthritis secondary to (and exacerbated by) stress and anxiety. My symptoms diminished considerably when I began getting checks and nearly disappeared when I walked away from my predatory mortgage and relocated to more comfortable, affordable (and crime-free) housing.

If you have insurance, can you see a therapist? Does the State of New York have on-line resources for PTSD? You might find out by checking with Albany?

Hospitals are too busy chasing the almighty dollar to care about nurses. Fifty percent of the cost of each hospital admission goes to nurses' pay. The boardroom suits consider us nothing more than expenses (like a cart of linen or IV fluids). Almost every day I pray for nurses who care too much to survive in the hostile American "sickness care industry." I will surely remember you in tonight's prayers.

Love,

Owney

[Liddle Noodnik]

I will surely remember you in tonight's prayers.

Love,

Owney

((((((((((( Owney))))))))))))))))

[Babs0512]

Owney, thanks so much for taking the time to answer me directly, it is GREATLY appreciated. I am seeing a Psychologist, and I am on Effexor currently. They keep trying to include Remeron to my medication, but whenever I take it, I get generalized edema. I am currently functioning (barely) as I absolutely DREAD working each day, ESPECIALLY when I am on call. I take Klonopin and Ambien for sleep, and to tell you how well that works, I took it three hours ago, and I'm talking with you now. However, if I go to bed, I will probably fall asleep, I cannot take it when I am on call. So on call = no sleep - I doze at best.

My mother passed away, traumatically in 2002, I found her, did CPR - got her back but she died 4 days later from a contracoup bleed after a fractured skull. My stepson committed suicide in 2004, and paying for two funerals is expensive, so we had a bankruptsy in 04 as well.

I was working in the ER througout all of this, I use to LOVE my job there. Thought I would never leave. As time went on, the carnage took it's tole - poor working conditions didn't help. I once had to code a friend of mine, her husband cried throughout the code "Babs, what am I going to do, I have three babies at home... etc..." He focused on me. It was the only code I ever cried all the way throught. He begged us not to call the code. She was 30 years old. Hx of renal problems and accidentally OD on pain medications. I asked the Chaplain if I could talk with her a few minutes, and went to tell the Charge nurse I would be off the floor for about 15 min. - I was told "No, we are too busy, you may not leave the floor!" My friend just died, AS MY PATIENT, and this is how understanding my employer was.

I developed chest pain a few weeks after that, was admitted to another hospital for a cardiac cath, dx with prinzmetals angina. I was out of work 5 days, on the 6th day I woke up to go to work, and I completely panicked, I ABSOLUTELY could NOT bring myself to go in. My doctor took me out, I saw a shrink, diagnosed me with major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, and PTSD.

My employer was anything but understanding. I tried to file disability, as the shrink said I was "completely disabled" at that time, at least in part due to the job, my employer fought it. Couldn't get workmens come either, not without a fight. So I worked with employee health, and got the shrink to let me go back to work "to an area of less stress" Yeah, right - so I ended up in PACU, with a part time position, promised to turn into full time, that was 3 years ago, still part time.

Sad thing is, I'm a very good nurse, with a lot of experience. The job is killing me - or driving me to think of doing myself in from time to time.

I also have chronic pain from 2 herniated and 3 buldging discs in my cervical spine - pushing on my spinal chord, causing pain down my left arm and back, this only makes coping worse.

I don't want to lose my home, it is the ONLY place I really feel safe, so I MUST KEEP WORKING - I'd like to try legal nurse consulting, but I need to find a way to become certified at a reasonable price. If I could get into that, I could do a large part of the work from home.

Sorry if my spelling is a bit off, that's the medication.

I wrote an article for the "critical care" article contest, see if you can read it, it's called "Nancy and Babs" - true story, that is how I learned to cope in the ER. I probably won't win - but I'm sure I'm not the only one who used this type of coping mechinism.

Hope to talk with you soon - by the way, what do you do for a living if your not in nursing anymore?

Take care, Babs

[Liddle Noodnik]

My doctor took me out, I saw a shrink, diagnosed me with major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, and PTSD.

Sounds like a well-deserved dx if there s such a thing, I am so sorry Babs for all your losses.

((((((( Babs ))))))))

ps can you link me to your article? I can't seem to find it

[Babs0512]

Sorry Zoboey, I don't know how to link. I can read my article, but I'm not sure if it has be "officially" released as yet - as the closing date for submissions is June 15th. If I go to articles, at the top of the article page it says "submit an article" - then in the column to the right, I can see the beginning of my title "Nancy and B...". If you can explain how to "Link" you, I can try, keep in mind I am VERY MINIMALLY computer literate. LOL Thanks for your comments and support, it means a lot.

[Liddle Noodnik]

Sorry Zoboey, I don't know how to link. I can read my article, but I'm not sure if it has be "officially" released as yet - as the closing date for submissions is June 15th. If I go to articles, at the top of the article page it says "submit an article" - then in the column to the right, I can see the beginning of my title "Nancy and B...". If you can explain how to "Link" you, I can try, keep in mind I am VERY MINIMALLY computer literate. LOL Thanks for your comments and support, it means a lot.

I found it, thank you! For anyone else it is at:

https://allnurses.com/forums/f300/nancy-babs-307779.html#post2893450

Babs that was absolutely spellbinding. Well done

You know how you said Babs and Nancy met? I feel like I had a similar 'meeting' myself - only I carried around the two persons and continued to try to work like that for far too long.

((((((((( Babs ))))))))

[sharona97, BSN, RN]

Zoey..... As always thanks for the link.

Babs........ Thank you for writing such a beautiful story. I've never read a story describing emotion as well as you have described it. You have alot to offer all of us here, thanks again.

Sharona

[HM2VikingRN, RN]

I just want to express my support for everyone. I have struggled with a situational depression r/t a bullying boss and it truly was the darkest period of my life. I can only imagine the pain that each you has on a daily basis and wish you peace.

[sharona97, BSN, RN]

I just want to express my support for everyone. I have struggled with a situational depression r/t a bullying boss and it truly was the darkest period of my life. I can only imagine the pain that each you has on a daily basis and wish you peace.

H2Viking:

So positive always. Thanks for your continued support H2V, I miss ya!

Sharona

[babymamarn]

I struggle with Manic Depressive disorder. Sometimes I am very functional and at other times, not so great. Can anyone suggest ways to know when you are safe to work or when you shouldn't? Sometimes I'm really afraid that I might make a major mistake and this fear is really controlling me. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[sharona97, BSN, RN]

I wish I knw the answer to your question. I have up and down days everyday. I just keep telling myself this too shall pass and focus on daily healing. I'm going to buy the book The Secret, maybe it's in there? Have you read it or heard of it?