Nurses struggling with mental illness

Nurses Disabilities

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I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

I have applied for SSID, but it seems to be taking a very long time. Meanwhile, the IOT plans to discharge me in 1-2weeks. Should I take a job I was offered? I just need to have some confidence, but my anxiety gets in the way

Specializes in NICU.

I'm sure we've probably covered this already in the thread, but...

What, EXACTLY, do I have to disclose to a potential employer? My cyclothymia does not interfere with my ability to do my job. I don't take benzos anymore, but I do take Adderall, which could show up on a drug screen as an amphetamine. Do I have to tell them anything?

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Unfortunately, a great number of states have only Medicaid. And a good number of us have income that disallows us from that system.

Grannynurse:balloons:

Yes, even MINIMAL income can exclude us from getting help with medical and also housing and food! sigh...

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I am a nurse that has major depression and ptsd. i have been having alot of flashbacks memories lately. i realize i have lived in denial most of my life and making poor judgements, including in my nursing career. Poor judgements that caused me to make mistakes and lose jobs. I am struggling with trusting myself to continue to work because of my mental illness. There isn't anything else I am qualified to do. I can't seem to let go of my mistakes and am obsessed with thinking about them. Can anyone out there help me with some advice or offer hope, own experiences?

Hi, Doglover, don't know if I responded before but I KNOW THE FEELING - I have "retired" from nursing so many times (whenever I got REALLY sick) because of all this. The last time (2 1/2 yrs ago), I was starting to really "fudge" on my documentation and "minor" medications because I just could not keep up - and that killed me. So hopefully this is the last time I will "retire" - I am checking out activity therapy certification and there is also a degree I may pursue. We'll see. I'm on SSDI now and taking it slow.

Beating yourself up; shame; will just keep you SICK! But I'm sure you know that already!

By the way - what does this -- :trout: -- smiley mean??? it's weird!!!

xo

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Dear Doglover,

I have also struggled with poor judgements, anxiety disorder which caused me to make mistakes, which caused more anxiety...You may be obsessing over your past. You have to let go of it. Remember the saying: The past is history the future is a mystery, the present is a gift from God, which is why it is called a present.

By engaging in obsessive thinking, you are creating a treadmill for yourself. You are not a victim, or a survivor, but a wonderful, intelligent human being ( see what I learned in IOT?)

You learned a LOT! ;)

{{{{{{{{{{Sarabasedis}}}}}}}}

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
RE: "Some of it has been political because I don't know how to handle myself with people".

Boy Doglover, this is a HUGE one for me! Can't stand being angry, can't stand being critical, can't stand incompetence (mine or that of others), can't stand laziness, can't stand my overcompensating for others and then being resentful, can't stand not being able to assert myself, can't stand my feeling inadequate when someone "puts me in my place" - etc etc etc... I walk like this... :penguin: in my mind and just feel like an idiot...

and that is just in the depression/anxiety mode!

Then in "manic" mode I am super controlling and a wicked egomaniac. Needless to say I confuse people sometimes, ha ha!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DL}}}}}}}}}}} We're ok. I swear if we all judged ourselves LESS (mentally ill or NOT!) we would all do so much better! I was saying that today (I did a volunteer shift in activity therapy today) that if I don't "try" to do stuff I can do a good job! ie, not being self-conscious but letting the God just flow..

ok getting a little deep here. With what I won't say... (chuckle)

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I am involved in a divorce from my x. My job related stress led me to go into intensive outpatient therapy. I am not working. The manic depression I was experiencing caused me to spend all my cash, so now I am desperately trying to hold onto my house. My divorce lawyer says that my x's lawyer thinks I am trying to manipulate the system by "faking it" since I am a college educated woman while my x only has 3 yrs of college and earns alot of cash. I am about to lose my health care benefits.

Do I take care of my health? Do I stay in IOT or try to work perdiem for a while just to earn cash. I am going to shoot myself in the foot if I work in order to pay the bills even if I feel I am not well enough to work? AAAAHHH!!!

I know you wrote this a while ago - What I found was that when I worked as long as I could, or went back to work when I was unsure I could, that that lent more documentation/credibility to my illness when it came time for SSDI - it showed up on my social security record (number of hours worked when) and in my mental health provider records. Keep your own records/journal also. Just like nursing, "document, document, document", and maybe use an SSDI lawyer who doubles as a divorce lawyer (if there are custody or child support issues) for x-marital issues. Also document all of HIS "sweet traits and foibles" of which, I am sure, there are many! LOL! :lol2: And make a list of people who have witnessed his shtuff as well - day care prov., doctors, counselors - people you can call on to speak on your character or about his. I don't know your particulars but I have a few "particulars" of my own ;)

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Experience will make a big difference. I felt the same way in nursing school. I would post this in a different area where you will get more answers from experienced nurses. You don't need to have an anxiety disorder to feel how you feel as a student. I would post this under the general area or in the area where experienced nurses give students advice or under the student section to see how other students have found ways to cope. Krisssy

Good idea Krisssy! I for one tend to "pathologize" what is in actuality plain ole "normal"!

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I'm sure we've probably covered this already in the thread, but...

What, EXACTLY, do I have to disclose to a potential employer? My cyclothymia does not interfere with my ability to do my job. I don't take benzos anymore, but I do take Adderall, which could show up on a drug screen as an amphetamine. Do I have to tell them anything?

I called the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) people before applying for a job three years ago. They said it is not necessary to tell the employer. Usually there is a question, "is there anything that would keep you from being able to perform the job duties?" or some such. If you are well and stable-ish on meds, you DON'T have anything that would keep you from that, IMHO.

However if you are required to have a physical and their health office ASKS what your meds are, you have to tell the truth. Employee health can't share that info with your supervisor, so it should not keep you from GETTING the job. But failure to disclose your meds or illness during the physical can be used against you later, if you have an exacerbation of illness. I would think it could lead to termination or trouble getting benefits.

I don't know about drug testing. I've seen people say "wait and see if the med shows up", and others say, "tell them ahead of time". Maybe you can find a career counselor type person who might be able to advise you over the phone?

Hi,

Five weeks before graduation from a BSN program I had a bout of my mental illness because of high stress of a classmate of mine slandering me on the hospital's campus where I had been externing at. As a result, my school wanted that to home school me and that was not going well either with little participation from the instructors. I ended up going in to school not realizing that they did not want me there, I drove rather quickly in the parking lot trying to get to a scheduled test and zoomed by my teacher and an adminstrator, went in to take the test and 20 min into it I was asked to leave by campus police and the VP of student affairs, my class was evacuated and I was arrested by township police still trying to figure out what happened?

Turns out I have all these charges against me and little by little they are being whittled away...

I ended up losing my job at the hospital because I got angry at the unit I was on and sent them info. about me that was damaging- about my mental illness- as soon as they heard I was a manic depressive, they dismissed me and I found out in our state they can discriminate against you and do that anyway.

My charges have gone down to summary offfenses and the school is negotiating for my diploma where he says they may find me unfit to be a nurse and it would be up to the BON to figure this one out.

Has anyone with a similar problem like this have issues with the board and how did it turn out?

Specializes in NICU.

However if you are required to have a physical and their health office ASKS what your meds are, you have to tell the truth. Employee health can't share that info with your supervisor, so it should not keep you from GETTING the job. But failure to disclose your meds or illness during the physical can be used against you later, if you have an exacerbation of illness. I would think it could lead to termination or trouble getting benefits.

So during my physical everything came out, and I have to see a caseworker at the hospital. The NP assured me it's standard procedure for anyone with any psych issues, won't affect my job, etc. I have to have my own psychiatrist fill out some form to bring in to her. Funny thing is - none of my meds showed up on the drug test - not the Adderall (amphetamine) Klonopin (benzo) or Norco (opioid). Not just "oh, we know you're taking this so it's okay" but actually negative. Weirdos.

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
... 20 min into it I was asked to leave by campus police and the VP of student affairs, my class was evacuated and I was arrested by township police still trying to figure out what happened?

Turns out I have all these charges against me and little by little they are being whittled away...

I ended up losing my job at the hospital because I got angry at the unit...

One of the problems we (or I should say "I") have is I say too much about myself, my illness, etc., and then when I get sick - the finger points to the door (or I get myself in so much hot water I can't bear to go back!)

Were you part of a union or is there a lawyer you could consult about this? It sounds tough especially if they are allowed to discriminate this way. On the other hand you know (probably) that you don't to BE around patients unless you are in good mental health. Anyway, I wish for the best, let us know what happens!

Another bipolar :)

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