Nurses struggling with mental illness

[Severina]

I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

[Liddle Noodnik]

Dutchgirl, above all else, be gentle with yourself. I hope you get well soon. Isn't it a shame that major depression can go on for so long and not be diagnosed? I always wonder how many others are out there in pain and not getting the help they need. IMHO, I bet we see a lot of them on the evening news.

**********

Hi there,

Just a note of caution, you need to edit out your email address because of spam and internet predators, can you do that and send that person your email through a private message?

Thanks!

[dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I]

To all struggling with mental illness;

1. Nurses and their employers take for granted that nurses will show compassion and understanding, and apply "the nursing process" to the patients. In my experience, it's hard to find employment where the nursing staff or employer will show the same traits to EACH OTHER!

2. Patients come to us for "CARE" which is a human emotion. We demonstrate this to the patients in the way we "CARE" for them. Unfortunatley, at some point CARE:balloons: and money come into conflict in the healthcare system. It's a pity, because all the money in the world can't buy you life once you're dead. I'm not completely down on capitalism but there's no way to trade dollars for lives. That's an inate conflict in our healthCARE (there's that word again) system.

3. Thankyou all for sharing and support.:balloons:

[Liddle Noodnik]

To all struggling with mental illness;

1. Nurses and their employers take for granted that nurses will show compassion and understanding, and apply "the nursing process" to the patients. In my experience, it's hard to find employment where the nursing staff or employer will show the same traits to EACH OTHER!

2. Patients come to us for "CARE" which is a human emotion. We demonstrate this to the patients in the way we "CARE" for them. Unfortunatley, at some point CARE:balloons: and money come into conflict in the healthcare system. It's a pity, because all the money in the world can't buy you life once you're dead. I'm not completely down on capitalism but there's no way to trade dollars for lives. That's an inate conflict in our healthCARE (there's that word again) system.

3. Thankyou all for sharing and support.:balloons:

Unfortunately you hit all that right on the nail - very sad.

[yvonnemuse, BSN, RN]

This thread just blows me away. I have been struggling with mental illness..or mental intersting-ness as I like to call it for a long time. The hardest thing was to come forward and tell anyone I was not on top of my world. Until I was told that I had permission to be imperfect and that medication just levelled the playing field, I tried to "go it alone" I am still looking for a med that will help with out making me delusional, doped up or worse than I am. I do all the right things, excercise daily, eat mostly right but sometimes I still think of injecting myself full of insulin and ending it all.

I have no problem telling my pt that mental health is part of our holistic health, but I am less forgiving of myself. I keep my Dx to myself for fear of being whispered about,Although educated, nurses still carry the prejudices of society. i cringe when I hear a nurse say to another "oh they are bi polar" with a knowing nod as if that explained every sort of shocking behavior and truly made someone irrdeemable.

We need to all believe in our hearts for each other what we know for our clients.

[Liddle Noodnik]

This thread just blows me away. I have been struggling with mental illness..or mental intersting-ness as I like to call it for a long time. The hardest thing was to come forward and tell anyone I was not on top of my world. Until I was told that I had permission to be imperfect and that medication just levelled the playing field, I tried to "go it alone" I am still looking for a med that will help with out making me delusional, doped up or worse than I am. I do all the right things, excercise daily, eat mostly right but sometimes I still think of injecting myself full of insulin and ending it all.

I have no problem telling my pt that mental health is part of our holistic health, but I am less forgiving of myself. I keep my Dx to myself for fear of being whispered about,Although educated, nurses still carry the prejudices of society. i cringe when I hear a nurse say to another "oh they are bi polar" with a knowing nod as if that explained every sort of shocking behavior and truly made someone irrdeemable.

We need to all believe in our hearts for each other what we know for our clients.

Wow, I can relate to that whole thing! I am struggling with meds now cuz of what you mentioned, along with a physical (gag) reflex I have developed, even the THOUGHT of swallowing them makes me nauseous, sigh....

I especially hear ya on the "oh they are bipolar thing" - damn - I would get so angry - but rarely say anything - and NEVER own up to having it!

[troubadourRN]

I've worked in acute and general psych, community mental health, dual diagnosis with drug and alcohol and developmental disability. My experience is with children, adult, psychogeriatric, juvenile and forensic patients in both institutional and community settings for over 10 years.

I'm a clinical supervisor for multi-disclipline/inter-department staff, nurses union branch president, trainer and assessor, acting health services manager and songwriter/musician.

I attach myself to songwriter/musician identity because an unexpressed part of oneself is never understood. And for me, music and writing is the vehicle of expression.

Any text will give you working definitions of terms, however without the text and especially if you have experience, ask yourself the following questions;

What does transference/counter-transference mean to you? How does it manifest itself in your behaviour? When do you know you are in a transference/counter-transference situation? What tools do you have in managing yourself?

Lol, and yes we strive to manage everyone/thing else so effectively and efficiently!! I am amazed how reluctant nurses are to consider themselves, and I was amongst the worst offenders. How long can you run on empty? What meaningful help is available?

[Fuzzy]

It's baaack. Life is icky again. We're playing with the drugs so I'm almost incapable of working somedays. I just want the whole thing to go away. I'm so weird that I can hardly stand myself.

Fuzzy

[LadyBugLass]

SO glad that I found this thread. I have struggled with occ. depression since high school, started meds at 25 when it was no longer just occasional and I started to have suicidal thoughts; experienced PTSD due to a disaster response as a paramedic in 1999, postpartum depression that flat knocked me on my can in 2001, and Paxil that caused a 60lb weight gain and a painful withdrawl.

Went off my meds last summer because they made me sleepy on night shift at my first RN job in a pressure-cooker ICU just teeming with viper co-workers. Plus, it was just a horrid year; lost a loved one, had to put my grandma in an assisted living center, marriage problems (due to the depression), bankruptcy, lost jobs.

HUGE HUGE HUGE MISTAKE.

Started having panic attacks, had a REALLY big one in August of this year and tried to kill myself. Without boring everyone with details, I will tell you I was quite serious, and was VERY disappointed to wake up in the ER with my acquaintances pumping my stomach. I was so apathetic I didn't even put up a fight. (Let me tell you though: if you have never had an NG tube yourself, then you have NO RIGHT to put one in other people...OUCH!!!!!:uhoh21: ) Spent time in the nut hut for that little stunt, which was VERY enlightening as a nurse...unlike ANY psyche clinical you've EVER had. And, yes, I DO have a sense of humor about the whole mess.

Started Effexor, which intially was like flipping on a light switch, but has started to lose its effectiveness within the last month, and I am SCARED to death (pun intended).

Do I need to ask to go up on my dose, change meds? Someone mentioned earlier ECT being scary, but in all honesty, I'd try it tomorrow if it would help. And how do you KNOW if you are bipolar; I mean as a nurse I know, but as a person that is experiencing it, how does it FEEL?

Thanks for letting me vent here; my spouse and mom don't like for me to talk about this, esp. if I make any jokes about it.

[krisssy]

SO glad that I found this thread. I have struggled with occ. depression since high school, started meds at 25 when it was no longer just occasional and I started to have suicidal thoughts; experienced PTSD due to a disaster response as a paramedic in 1999, postpartum depression that flat knocked me on my can in 2001, and Paxil that caused a 60lb weight gain and a painful withdrawl.

Went off my meds last summer because they made me sleepy on night shift at my first RN job in a pressure-cooker ICU just teeming with viper co-workers. Plus, it was just a horrid year; lost a loved one, had to put my grandma in an assisted living center, marriage problems (due to the depression), bankruptcy, lost jobs.

HUGE HUGE HUGE MISTAKE.

Started having panic attacks, had a REALLY big one in August of this year and tried to kill myself. Without boring everyone with details, I will tell you I was quite serious, and was VERY disappointed to wake up in the ER with my acquaintances pumping my stomach. I was so apathetic I didn't even put up a fight. (Let me tell you though: if you have never had an NG tube yourself, then you have NO RIGHT to put one in other people...OUCH!!!!!:uhoh21: ) Spent time in the nut hut for that little stunt, which was VERY enlightening as a nurse...unlike ANY psyche clinical you've EVER had. And, yes, I DO have a sense of humor about the whole mess.

Started Effexor, which intially was like flipping on a light switch, but has started to lose its effectiveness within the last month, and I am SCARED to death (pun intended).

Do I need to ask to go up on my dose, change meds? Someone mentioned earlier ECT being scary, but in all honesty, I'd try it tomorrow if it would help. And how do you KNOW if you are bipolar; I mean as a nurse I know, but as a person that is experiencing it, how does it FEEL?

Thanks for letting me vent here; my spouse and mom don't like for me to talk about this, esp. if I make any jokes about it.

My hubby doesn't like me to talk about it either, and my Mom, can't handle it, so I always tell her I am fine.

Someone mentioned An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. She tells her own story of a doctor with BPD. I haven't read it yet. I have sometimes wondered if I have some form of Bipolar. I understand better when reading true biographies. I haven't read it yet, but maybe it could help you. I bought it from Amazon,con. Good luck to you. I am suffering from PTSD and have lived with depression since it happened. It is so awful,and I feel for you. I am trying a new therapist on Mon. I* don't intend to give up. I am going to school online instead of working right now, and it takes my mind off the trauma and the depression. AND it is not so stressful like work. I am not up to the stress of working right now. Although, I would like to go back eventually. Good luck to you., Krisssy

[belzmom]

I feel for both of you. I hope that you are working with qualified mental health professionals who have training in what affects you. For PTSD the best practice is called EMDR - very good outcomes have been documented, and it is not a long-term therapy. You can find a referral to a trained therapist in this modality at http://www.emdr.com/ It is a cognitive behavioral therapy used for treating people with histories of trauma and PTSD. As for meds, I have heard many times over the years of people who have the "wear off" effect, which can be so demoralizing. There are tools, such as PHQ-9, which we use in my depression group in the clinic where I volunteer (we are part of a national trial) that help the practitioner decide if increasing the dose, changing to a different medication class, or adding a medication is the best path. (The medications cited are of two classes - Paxil is an SSRI, Effexor works on both seratonin and norepinephrine). You can find this tool and information at http://www.depression-primarycare.org/clinicians/toolkits/materials/forms/phq9/ The practitioner does not need special training to use it with you. ECT is a lot less scary than it used to be, and can be highly effective for some, with fewer side effects than medications. But it, too, can "wear off." I would strongly suggest working with a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner or Psychiatrist on these issues, as the trials you have had, while reasonable, suggest a specialist on your health care team would be useful.

Take good care - recovery is possible - though it can take time. I have been there at the end of the rope with suicide seeming to be the best option, and have been in "recovery," that is, in good spirits and able to think/concentrate/not be anxious again, for about 17 years now. I am a licensed therapist who ran a mental health program for many years and am now studying to be an FNP.

[sphinx, BSN, RN]

I haven't posted on the board much, but previously posted quite a bit on threads discussing this same or similar topics. I admit I didn't read this whole thread....too exhausting! I had actually been doing quite well with my bipolar disorder, finally on a med coctail that worked for me, etc. I'd started doing some really fun stuff last winter, and gotten a new job after being layed off for 3 months in 2004. Then, just under a year ago, I was hit by mysterious joint pain, which several months ago was finally diagnosed as rheumatoid arthritis. Since then, I've been struggling with horrible pain and terrible depression. I was on prednisone which helped the pain, but made my bipolar symptoms way worse, totally psycho! I tried to wean myself off several times while waiting for methotrexate to kick in, but the pain's always been too much. Finally the methotrexate started to help a little. Just a little, but enough to get off the prednisone. My mood's been quite a bit better, although I still have a lot of pain and joint inflammation since the methotrexate is not helping totally at this point.

But having my mood improved has at least allowed me to have a more positive outlook, and not look on the RA diagnosis as a "death sentence", because it's not. I have decided that in 2006 I am going to do all I can to take care of ME. I see my pdoc this week, and we need to discuss recent med changes. We've tapered down Wellbutrin a bit and started Cymbalta, which helps a bit. I also need to get my sleep under better control, because I am having problems working night shift. Hopefully things will be on the upswing.

Hope everyone has a good new year to look forward too!

[Liddle Noodnik]

Hope everyone has a good new year to look forward too!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sphinx}}}}}}}}}}}} have missed you! how is your movie star BF LOL?

Had a tough time at the end of this year, same as last year with hypomania to mania, treated with Seroquel, which then made the sx WORSE - just like the Geodon - doc didn't believe me! arghhhh.... I'm now about 80% better thank you God!

xoxoxoxo