I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.
Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.
Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"
I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.
I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.
I had my application blocked several times after I mentioned my history of injuries and spine surgeries and that I was taking Prozac. I guess it was a bad combo...LOL!!
It is hard to go through this rejection, and will get more with my new meds, I know.
I just focus on getting my mind back, for now, and have put my career on the back burner, for now. My sense of self has been so wrapped up in my career as a nurse that I am having a very hard time feeling worthwhile now that I am NOT working.
My pharmacist tells me Tramadol shows up on the drug screen, so I am likely to deal with discrimination due to taking this as well. Sad the health care powers that be seem to discard us when we are no longer 'perfect specimens'.
In time I will look for a suitable position again. I appreciate everybody here sharing so openly. It helps to recognize there are many of us, and that we can get better. :)
I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.
Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.
Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"
I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.
I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.
Severina
I never thought I would run into someone who could say so perfectly the same the things I have been saying for years. You sound like me! I worked in the corporate world for years and was miserable and since I've been working in health care I feel like it taps into everything good I have to offer. I have not really had problems with my illness for a loooong time (very messy messy past though) and I am not "out." The only concession I have made is to not pick up a lot of doubles cause I don't like messing with my sleep routine and my meds are really hard on my body. I'm in school right now and I can't miss days but usually if I'm working I'll take a mental health day every few months, (I call them my mentally ill days -- OK it's a very "in" joke between me and myself). So, COOL! Glad to meet you!
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I never thought I would run into someone who could say so perfectly the same the things I have been saying for years. You sound like me! I worked in the corporate world for years and was miserable and since I've been working in health care I feel like it taps into everything good I have to offer. I have not really had problems with my illness for a loooong time (very messy messy past though) and I am not "out." The only concession I have made is to not pick up a lot of doubles cause I don't like messing with my sleep routine and my meds are really hard on my body. I'm in school right now and I can't miss days but usually if I'm working I'll take a mental health day every few months, (I call them my mentally ill days -- OK it's a very "in" joke between me and myself). So, COOL! Glad to meet you!
I was amazed, like you, to find so many like minded people here, cuz at work you don't talk about it a lot for obvious reasons!
I was amazed, like you, to find so many like minded people here, cuz at work you don't talk about it a lot for obvious reasons!
I have an anxiety disorder which was caused by post traumatic stress disorder. As a child my mother was mentally ill, and my dad was an alcoholic and a pill taker. I was abused, and did not even know it for a long time. I suffered with fears and anxiety pertaining to the fears for my whole life. Four years ago, my husband had an affair and left me. I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized with major depression. I also suffered from symptoms of dissassociation. At this point, I am free of depression and dissaccociation, and I am getting remarried next month. But I am still suffering from severe anxiety especially in social situations. I am not able to work at this time. But I have decided that going back to school part time for an MS degree would help me. Being focused on one thing helps to ease my anxiety a lot. During my bout with depression after my husband left, I took a refresher course and did a pharmacology workbook on my own, and it really helped me-almost felt like therapy. My question to my fellow nurses and student nurses is, do you feel there is any particular field that I should get my MS in considering my anxiety problems. Are there some specialties that are better for people with anxiety disorders? I love taking care of people, comforting them, spending extra time with them. I am also a retired school teacher, very organized and efficient(when I am not anxious), and tend to feel better when I am involved in doing something that I enjoy and am interested in. The two areas which would exacerbate my anxiety(for personal reasons related to my childhood) are oncology and hospice nursing. I am curious to know if you think there is any specialty or specialties that would be good for someone with an anxiety disorder with my history?
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I have an anxiety disorder which was caused by post traumatic stress disorder. As a child my mother was mentally ill, and my dad was an alcoholic and a pill taker. I was abused, and did not even know it for a long time. I suffered with fears and anxiety pertaining to the fears for my whole life. Four years ago, my husband had an affair and left me. I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized with major depression. I also suffered from symptoms of dissassociation. At this point, I am free of depression and dissaccociation, and I am getting remarried next month. But I am still suffering from severe anxiety especially in social situations. I am not able to work at this time. But I have decided that going back to school part time for an MS degree would help me. Being focused on one thing helps to ease my anxiety a lot. During my bout with depression after my husband left, I took a refresher course and did a pharmacology workbook on my own, and it really helped me-almost felt like therapy. My question to my fellow nurses and student nurses is, do you feel there is any particular field that I should get my MS in considering my anxiety problems. Are there some specialties that are better for people with anxiety disorders? I love taking care of people, comforting them, spending extra time with them. I am also a retired school teacher, very organized and efficient(when I am not anxious), and tend to feel better when I am involved in doing something that I enjoy and am interested in. The two areas which would exacerbate my anxiety(for personal reasons related to my childhood) are oncology and hospice nursing. I am curious to know if you think there is any specialty or specialties that would be good for someone with an anxiety disorder with my history?
I don't realy know what would be good for that. I had thought for myself that hospice might be a good next step for me, but I absolutely understand that you would avoid it if it's a trigger for you!
Cool about you going back to school for your MS - sounds like a great idea for you!
Wow, thanks for all the replies. I guess there are a lot of nurses out there with these problems. It just seems that in nursing there is a lot of pressure to be "tough" and perfect.
To ARPN: I admire you for pursuing this career, and funtionality and wholeness. In order to do though, you have to work hard at internal communication and cooperation. I lost a really good job in an onc/hem/BMT unit because I had recently found out about the DID and didn't know how to deal with the emerging alters. Many of them (young ones) were terrified of being in the environment and of "doing things to people". I also wasn't on the right meds, although I was in therapy. One day I was dissociated and was walking around like a zombie, being slow and my preceptor picked up on the difference with me. I tried to be vague about it, but she and other higher ups pushed me further for what was wrong. I ended up breaking down and divulging my abuse history and diagnosis to them. They gave me one week to have a psychiatrist write an official letter stating that I was safe to work there. This was impossible. I did get in to see a psychiatrist who put me on the right meds to manage my condition at the time, but it wasn't soon enough and I lost the job. After that, I hit bottom. My parts were rising up in anarchy and saying that they didn't want me to work. I thought that my career was over and all of the hard work that I had done to get my BSN and my BA were for nothing. I wound up in the psych hospital for a few days.
After a while, I got a job in homecare, mostly doing private duty, and some visits. I had a lot of panic attacks and anxiety before going to a home much of the time, but I pushed through it. Slowly, through the next year, I did things one at a time. I showed myself that I could do things that I thought I couldn't. I also had a genuine disability, so I went to the Center for Independant Living where they helped me gain more confidence. Gave me job hunting and keeping skills, supported me and we tried to find options for me. There just wasn't much out there for RNs besides clinical hospital, or homecare work. I started reading books on death and dying and watching video series' etc. and felt more and more that I would be suited for that kind of work. So, in Nov. 2003, one year after my hospitalization, I took the step and applied for the job that I have now. They loved me and wanted me in right away. The HR person, said she had never seen so much enthusiasm from the nurse managers about an applicant. I was floored.
So, I started and luckily was well supported in the learning of the job and got a gradual increase in patient load as I was ready. Pretty soon I was up to carrying a full load (10 pts) and handling it. I couldn't believe it. For a long time, no one knew anything about my mental illness. I wanted them to get to know me without seeing me through a filter, just seeing me as a person and my clinical skills.
Of course, a couple months into it, I did encounter a highly triggery situation with a patient and had to go to someone. I took a risk and told my supervisor about my history, and she was very supportive. She has become one of my greatest advocates.
Of course, during this time I was on meds for depression (wellbutrin & zoloft), anxiety (klonapin), and for switching/dissociation (zyprexa). As I became more confident of my skills and handling of the job, I realized that the zyprexa suppressing my alters was getting in the way of me making any progress in therapy and I made the decision to stop it and work on my relationship with my alter systems and to resolve the trauma. I told a couple of people at work about my PTSD/DID, which was stupid and I guess it got around the rumor mill, because now most people know. Mostly, I don't mind them knowing because as long as people like me hide in the shadows, our illness continues to be "rare" to the gen. public and the misconceptions and stereotypes get perpetuated. I want to be an example of somone with DID/MPD who can succeed and isn't a basket case.
The bad thing is that there have been two really bad incidences where I have gotten triggered badly. The first involved getting yelled at and lied about by an aide, which sent me into a panic and made me switch into a little person. The DON of all people found me on the floor huddled behind the lockers. I thought that now it was all over. But, she was supportive. She encouraged me to take time to do what I needed to do to get myself together, but she also encouraged me to pick myself up and keep going. I took a while, but after a couple hours, I was better and went back and resumed my duties.
I felt really supported until recently when I had another "freak out". I saw something that really triggered and terrified me on a patients TV. I left the room and totally fell apart. That time, I couldn't continue and had to go home, however, I never abandoned my patients and duties. I made sure that what was undone, got done and finished paperwork later.
However, one nurse who is a drama queen and a trouble maker, went to the DON the next day and told a skewed story of what happened, making it sound much worse than it was, like I basically freaked out and walked off the job, which wasn't the case.
The DON talked to me and said that if I have another episode where I cannot finish the shift, she would have to let me go. I told her what really happened, and she talked to my supervisor who corroborated my story, and she said that it made a difference. But all I heard was the threat of termination. I felt like I was under a microscope. The DON was watching everything about me, my clothes, makeup. She told my supervisor that she noticed the changes in amounts of makeup and colors etc. and wondered if that was my switching personalties.
The thing is, that other than this, I have done a stellar performance in this job. I have never had a complaint from a patient or a family, in fact the opposite. Never been written up for any reason. No serious med errors. Good attendance etc. I talked to HR and told them I felt like I was discriminated against because of my disability. She talked to the DON who then talked to me and didn't know that I had been living in such fear. She said that after she heard the whole story, the matter was settled in her mind, and we both agreed that the safety and care was foremost and I promised her that whatever state I found myself in, I would make sure my patients needs were attended to.
Lately, I've been going through some real rough stuff and a whole new load of trauma material is trying to surface and so I rally all of the energy I have to do the job and am pretty much a mess the rest of the time. I have missed some days because of it.
So, thats basically my story surrounding my career issues. I want to encourage people not to hide in the shadows like they have some nasty secret, but to let people get to know them for who they are and see that we can be capable, sane, contributing members of society. Only then will the stigma of mental illness start to be lifted. Yes, there are risks and predjudices, but I think its worth it. We can overcome.
Severina
MY GOD THAT IS THE BEST ARTICLE I HAVE READ.I SO CAN RELATE TO EVERYTHING U HAVE. AND UNDERSTAND THE FIGHT THAT U GO THROUGH EVERY DAY(IT TRUELY IS A WAR IN THE MIND).I MUST SAY THAT U HAVE TACKELED UR ISSUES AND ARE A TRUE INSPIRATION TO ME.U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME THAT I SEE ANOTHER IN NURSING THAT IS DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES THAT I GO THROUGH.U ARE A OVERCOMMER DARLING AND KEEP STEPING FORWARD.
I have an anxiety disorder which was caused by post traumatic stress disorder. As a child my mother was mentally ill, and my dad was an alcoholic and a pill taker. I was abused, and did not even know it for a long time. I suffered with fears and anxiety pertaining to the fears for my whole life. Four years ago, my husband had an affair and left me. I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized with major depression. I also suffered from symptoms of dissassociation. At this point, I am free of depression and dissaccociation, and I am getting remarried next month. But I am still suffering from severe anxiety especially in social situations. I am not able to work at this time. But I have decided that going back to school part time for an MS degree would help me. Being focused on one thing helps to ease my anxiety a lot. During my bout with depression after my husband left, I took a refresher course and did a pharmacology workbook on my own, and it really helped me-almost felt like therapy. My question to my fellow nurses and student nurses is, do you feel there is any particular field that I should get my MS in considering my anxiety problems. Are there some specialties that are better for people with anxiety disorders? I love taking care of people, comforting them, spending extra time with them. I am also a retired school teacher, very organized and efficient(when I am not anxious), and tend to feel better when I am involved in doing something that I enjoy and am interested in. The two areas which would exacerbate my anxiety(for personal reasons related to my childhood) are oncology and hospice nursing. I am curious to know if you think there is any specialty or specialties that would be good for someone with an anxiety disorder with my history?
I ALSO HAVE SEVERE ANXIETY DISORDER, GENERALIZED ANXIETY,SOCIAL ANXIETY PANICK ATTACKS.PHOBIAS U NAME IT I HAVE IT IN THE ANXIETY MAKEUP .I WAS TAKING 2MG CLONAZEPAM(KLONAPIN)3TIMES A DAY ALONG WITH TOPAMAX SERAQUEL.I DID FIND AN EXPERT. AND ALL THE EXPERTS POINT TO THIS WORKBOOK.IT'S CALLED "THE ANXIETY AND PHOBIA WORKBOOK" BY EDMUND J BOURNE .A COMPOSITE OF MANY EXPERTS IN ONE BOOK.I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT THERE IS PEOPLE LIKE ME WITH THE SAME STUFF AFTER LOOKING FOR 4 YEARS .IN THREE MONTHS I AM OFF ALL 5 MEDICATIONS.THROUGH EXERCISES ,BREATHING.POSSITIVE SELF TALK.AND OTHER ACTIVITIES I HAVE OVERCOME ANXIETY .I WAS A SEVERE CASE.6 FOOT 280LBS MAN THAT WAS SCARED OF EVERYTHING.A CHILD COULD GIVE ME ANXIETY.I TALKED ABOUT ANXIETY SO MUCH THAT MY SISTER SAID I GAVE HER ANXIETY LOL.U CAN BEAT THIS.I PROMISE U GOD AND A WILL TO BECOME BETTER U CAN WIN.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
MY GOD THAT IS THE BEST ARTICLE I HAVE READ.I SO CAN RELATE TO EVERYTHING U HAVE. AND UNDERSTAND THE FIGHT THAT U GO THROUGH EVERY DAY(IT TRUELY IS A WAR IN THE MIND).I MUST SAY THAT U HAVE TACKELED UR ISSUES AND ARE A TRUE INSPIRATION TO ME.U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME THAT I SEE ANOTHER IN NURSING THAT IS DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES THAT I GO THROUGH.U ARE A OVERCOMMER DARLING AND KEEP STEPING FORWARD.
She's awesome, huh? I am so grateful to people who are just "out" about who they are - we have no need to be ashamed. But boy there are those who think we oughta be!
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I ALSO HAVE SEVERE ANXIETY DISORDER, GENERALIZED ANXIETY,SOCIAL ANXIETY PANICK ATTACKS.PHOBIAS U NAME IT I HAVE IT IN THE ANXIETY MAKEUP .I WAS TAKING 2MG CLONAZEPAM(KLONAPIN)3TIMES A DAY ALONG WITH TOPAMAX SERAQUEL.I DID FIND AN EXPERT. AND ALL THE EXPERTS POINT TO THIS WORKBOOK.IT'S CALLED "THE ANXIETY AND PHOBIA WORKBOOK" BY EDMUND J BOURNE .A COMPOSITE OF MANY EXPERTS IN ONE BOOK.I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT THERE IS PEOPLE LIKE ME WITH THE SAME STUFF AFTER LOOKING FOR 4 YEARS .IN THREE MONTHS I AM OFF ALL 5 MEDICATIONS.THROUGH EXERCISES ,BREATHING.POSSITIVE SELF TALK.AND OTHER ACTIVITIES I HAVE OVERCOME ANXIETY .I WAS A SEVERE CASE.6 FOOT 280LBS MAN THAT WAS SCARED OF EVERYTHING.A CHILD COULD GIVE ME ANXIETY.I TALKED ABOUT ANXIETY SO MUCH THAT MY SISTER SAID I GAVE HER ANXIETY LOL.U CAN BEAT THIS.I PROMISE U GOD AND A WILL TO BECOME BETTER U CAN WIN.
wonderful "testimony" - thanks for coming over!
I am in a tough spot right now, have had nausea and vomiting all week to different degrees, so my medication blood levels are screwed up, and when I got sick I had just started increasing meds because the level was so low!
So I am not sure really if I'm doing ok - LOL =- you know the "shoe to drop" syndrome.
I am in a tough spot right now, have had nausea and vomiting all week to different degrees, so my medication blood levels are screwed up, and when I got sick I had just started increasing meds because the level was so low!
So I am not sure really if I'm doing ok - LOL =- you know the "shoe to drop" syndrome.
hope you feel better soon and good luck with your levels
She's awesome, huh? I am so grateful to people who are just "out" about who they are - we have no need to be ashamed. But boy there are those who think we oughta be!
Take care!~
DITTO and AMEN
If we don't come out and stay out the stigma will always be there. If the stigma stays, many people who would get help and would be productive are too ashamed or intimidated to get what they need. GO FOR IT
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
hi kids,
can ya keep this thread busy for me? on june 24 my blood levels of thyroid and lithium were messed up, my thyroid got decreased, li increased, pamelor increased, now i've had over a week (less two days in the middle) of being nausea, vomiting (at this point, not every day or all day, just enough to make it tough to take med, keep down, take fluids and foods). funny thing is i do now have these moments of just being absolutely ravenous!
[possible causes of n/v? flu, change in meds, change to different lithium, ate something, ran out of prevacid and insurance (great!), stress, shrug ... i dunno...]
question: can you have gallbladder disease and not have severe pain? i have a bit sometimes, but not as bad as i have seen in patients. i'm fat, fair, and forties (this is an old "typical gallbladder" stereotype)
now as predicted i am hypomanic - not bad but i got up at 8 yesterday am and it's 11 am now, i just do not want to go to bed! if i was tied down i would probably be sound asleep!
i did just take my morning meds and waiting the half hour before lying down (i have gerd of all things) - took a prn ativan which i hate but i have to force myself to sleep or i will get sicker!
i am mad as hell so quickly at people i used to be able to shrug and move on with - luckily no one within reach lol - just all these injustices.
oh and making plans - starting yet another book (to write) being so creative an editor i can't get past making a list - like this note for example i am having to talk aloud as i type and go slowly and check check check.
if i wasn't so determined to make my 18 year old "pay back" some money by doing some housework, my house would be spick and span.
nahhhh - i'm doing fun stuff lol - i still am not sick enough to do housework! :rotfl:
hey well i thought i would open a window and show you my world a little bit, and give the shame shyster a run for his money!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
if you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine.
and good luck with your levels
(great!), stress, shrug ... i dunno...]
mattsmom81
4,516 Posts
I had my application blocked several times after I mentioned my history of injuries and spine surgeries and that I was taking Prozac. I guess it was a bad combo...LOL!!
It is hard to go through this rejection, and will get more with my new meds, I know.
I just focus on getting my mind back, for now, and have put my career on the back burner, for now. My sense of self has been so wrapped up in my career as a nurse that I am having a very hard time feeling worthwhile now that I am NOT working.
My pharmacist tells me Tramadol shows up on the drug screen, so I am likely to deal with discrimination due to taking this as well. Sad the health care powers that be seem to discard us when we are no longer 'perfect specimens'.
In time I will look for a suitable position again. I appreciate everybody here sharing so openly. It helps to recognize there are many of us, and that we can get better. :)
Hugs to all here.