Nurses struggling with mental illness

[Severina]

I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

[Liddle Noodnik]

If I'm taking Wellbutrin and Xanax and have a prescription for them both and I know they will show up in my drug test, do I need to disclose what I take them for at a job interview?

Also on the delayed sleep thing. I've always had insomnia and can stay up all night and sleep all day. Sandy

Hi Sandy!

Looks like the meds need a little more tweaking! Lord I hate feeling like an incompetent fool (which is what the panic attacks make me feel I am doing). I do know what I'm doing, so what is the fear? That's exactly what anxiety and panic are: Irrational fears!

I did NOT have to disclose when I was interviewed for the job. They did ask, did I have an illness which would interfere with my work, to which I said "no" because I was coping well enough and still functional despite my symptoms.

However once I got to the physical exam part, the form asked for what meds I was on. I called my closest disability rights and they said that I MUST be truthful about what I was taking. But that employee health was obligated to NOT disclose to my boss.

Eventually on the job I DID begin having symptoms, at which time I did disclose to my boss, as needed.

That's how I handled it. Some say not to disclose at all. But the disability people said that if I LIED about the meds then it could be held against me later and I could be fired if they found out the truth.

Good luck!

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

To add my 2 cents in. I first began having symptoms in 1998 when my two children became the same age that I was when I had it very rough as a kid. The nightmares and images about my own childhood began during this time. Looking at my children flashed images of when I was that young, my old memories flooding me. When this happened, I would cry and hide myself out of shame. At night, I'd wake up crying or in panic from the dreams I had, many I remembered, some I did not. My wife got used to me after awhile bolting straight out of bed or not going to bed at all. Some times, she'd tell me in the morning that I cried in my sleep. Many times, I was afraid to go to bed, because of the nightmares. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2001, but not until I sought help for myself; my wife was against my seeking help because she didn't want a diagnosis on our insurance, for anyone to know, and just found it unnecessary...like, I was just making bad choices or something of that nature. However, I began seeing a counselor, then was referred to a psychiatrist who placed me on meds. In 2001, after getting help, my symptoms escalated because events in my life that I had no control over, such as: my sister getting beaten up by her then husband, a good friend ( in his late twenties and an RN) keeling over from a massive MI, another friend almost died from a brain aneurysm, a patient who successfully suicided by hanging and my attempts to save him to no avail and trying to hold together my young coworker who was falling apart afterward, my wife and two kids in a major car crash with my wife injured and my 5 year old with a severe spinal injury, helping my daughter get through that experience during the ER, life flight and prep for surgery, and living with a caustic mother-in-law who lived with us (wife and mother had codependency issues) who took great effort to split my wife and I up since I couldn't function like "a man" anymore...men don't have emotional issues (their standard). All these stressors occured within a one year time frame on top of my PTSD that I already began developing and which I kept hidden out of shame. The resultant and concurrent depression took all the little reserves I had left. In a year's time, the theme and threat of death and people suffering was all too much for me. I crashed. I burned afterward. In 2002, the PTSD and the resulting depression left me almost unable to function. I was hospitaized, much to everyone's shame. At the time, I was too numbed out to care anymore. In the hospital, I met a surgeon who was being hospitalized for his major depression, in a way, validating that it can happen to us too. Had to take two leave of absences from work. As far as my wife and her family were concerned, I had no more to contribute to them. Mental or emotional illness was such a filthy word in that family. My then lawyer brother-in-law who was going through a bout of his own depression and on Zoloft could not tell anyone about his own condition then because of the shame it would have caused regarding his own mother...he had to stay the apple in her eye. Yes, another high achiever and miserable. My own family lived about 200 miles away. I left psych as a field because I didn't want any more triggers, no more saddness. I also felt that if I could not help myself, how could I help others. So, I left the field. Actually, I'm kind of proud of that. I've also seen my fair share of impaired mental health professionals in my 10 year hitch in the field who mix their own issues with that of the patient, which I always felt was wrong. I thought it was my ethical duty to remove myself. I was on meds for 2 years when my symptoms finally began diminishing to a point where I could function on my own. All my adult life prior to all this, I was an achiever, grabbing any goal I set my sights on. High achiever in the military, grad school, and career. Lived in an up and rising neighborhood development, with most of my peers being docs, lawyers, accountants, and businessmen. But, the PTSD made in all insignificant. The PTSD and depression took much away from me. I lost my wife because I stopped being that high achiever she needed as a partner. We divorced under good terms, but the experience of PTSD made me see my wife under a new light. If I got no support through this, what support could I expect if I had an MI or became significantly injured or got cancer? The kick in the pants was that my wife was a counselor (LPCC), marriage and family to be exact. Both my then counselor and doc both shook their heads when they met her, both saying to me in private "and she's a counselor?" much to their disbelieve and dismay. My wife only came to a couple sessions to appease my counselor and doc, because it was my problem, not hers. She didn't seem to care that it was tearing us apart. Like I said, I worked in psych for 10 years, but after going thru this, I just couldn't do it any more, at least not for a long time. So, I left it in 2003. I didn't want any triggers or any further relapse. I let my counselor license (LPCC) lapse and placed my Clinical Nurse Specialist (CNS) license on inactive. Moved out on my own, giving just about everything to my ex-wife. Much of why I did this was because I loved my kids so much...their lives shouldn't change because of everything. I detest dead beat dads. I sure wasn't going to start being one. In fact, through just about all of this, my kids were pretty well sheltered away from this whole thing, the one thing my wife and I whole heartedly agreed upon through the whole ordeal. In this sense, my wife and I worked together as a team. I see my kids every day off. I see little of my ex-wife, mostly by my choice. I've been med free, counselor free and doc free for 2 years and plan to do what ever I need to do to stay that way if I can. My symptoms now, consist of occasional nightmares and images, but not to the severity, intensity or frequency that they once were. As an ex-counselor, any surfacing symptoms become my cues to improve my coping and support. Had a suicide one year ago on our med surg floor, just got past his anniversary. Had some increased symptoms for a little while, but now they have diminished greatly since the anniversary passed. I just told my first live person at work (in private/off duty) some of my experience. The first time in 2 years. I did this because he (an LPN) had a recent episode a depression and a bout of suicidal ideation, checking himself inpt. He told me in private. After the coorifice of a couple weeks, I shared some of my story. He's young, about 26, lots of angst in his life. He desires to make some positive changes in his life, although it causes great frustration to him. I told him about myself because I truely care for the guy and don't want him to see himself as being the only one around that has struggled. However, he is young, and his motivation may wax and wane. I respect him highly, even if he is 17 years my junior. I really believe he has great potential and will make an excellent man later in his life. So, I risked it. So, I told him, but I fear that I may have lost him as a friend as a result. I try not to psychoanalyze anyone, but as an ex-counselor myself, I could feel it in my gut, and it sort of saddens me. However, like anyone who tries to move forward, one can only move onward. I'll try to give him the space he needs. I try to understand. But, in closing, there are alot of nurses and doctors who have mental and emotional illnesses who still practice and practice their art and science well. We are only human. And as humans, we can hurt and we can suffer and we can also move forward. The last of my 2 cents.

[Kitty-MayRN, BSN, RN]

Hi everyone.

When I saw this thread, it almost brought me to tears. I am a new graduate nurse, who is about to open a door in my life as a professional licensed RN.

I have suffered major depression for half my life, and also have anxiety, and phobias. I have seen myself as outside the world bubble for so long and have been struggling to be let in.

I am on wellbutrin, effexor, and risperdal and I am still trying to get myself in good balance. The depression is like a third appendage to me, but the anxiety and phobias are new and increasing. I am surprised that I made it through clinicals.

Now I should be happy that I graduated and starting a wonderful career, but I also see it a big scary test--upping the stakes of "can she do it without crumbling".

I feel exhausted some days in the world just trying to appear normal. I have agoraphobia and claustrophobia and my depression can totally paralyze me some days. :stone

I am (happy?) to see others who have mental mountains to bear. I don't think anyone other than us truly understands how painful and overwhelming it can be in our lives.

thank you for sharing,

Kitty-MayRN

[Liddle Noodnik]

To add my 2 cents in. I first began having symptoms in 1998 when my two children became the same age that I was when I had it very rough as a kid. ....

:kiss

And that is the bennie, to use our experience to benefit someone else. And learn who we REALLY REALLY are.

Brava Thunderwolf, I am so proud of you!

[Liddle Noodnik]

Hi everyone.

When I saw this thread, it almost brought me to tears. I am a new graduate nurse, who is about to open a door in my life as a professional licensed RN.

I have suffered major depression for half my life, and also have anxiety, and phobias. I have seen myself as outside the world bubble for so long and have been struggling to be let in.

I am on wellbutrin, effexor, and risperdal and I am still trying to get myself in good balance. The depression is like a third appendage to me, but the anxiety and phobias are new and increasing. I am surprised that I made it through clinicals.

Now I should be happy that I graduated and starting a wonderful career, but I also see it a big scary test--upping the stakes of "can she do it without crumbling".

I feel exhausted some days in the world just trying to appear normal. I have agoraphobia and claustrophobia and my depression can totally paralyze me some days. :stone

I am (happy?) to see others who have mental mountains to bear. I don't think anyone other than us truly understands how painful and overwhelming it can be in our lives.

thank you for sharing,

Kitty-MayRN

{{{{{{{kitty-May}}}}}}}}}}}

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

Thanks, Zoeboboey.

Sometimes, all one can do for someone else is to tell our own story.

Sometimes, all one can do is listen and learn from others tell theirs.

This is how we can support one another, encourage hope in each other, and to motivate ourselves forward.

-----------------------------------------

:kiss

And that is the bennie, to use our experience to benefit someone else. And learn who we REALLY REALLY are.

Brava Thunderwolf, I am so proud of you!

[KPOP]

Hi There.

I Think That If The Job Application Does Not Ask If You Are Taking Any Medications That You Do Not Have To Mention Your Illness During Your Interview!

When I Was Working As An Lvn And I Applied For A Lvn Position They Did Not Ask If I Take Any Medication -- There Is A Question Whether I Can Do The Job That I Am Applying For And I Always Say That I Can Adn Then I Do Not Mention My Mentall Illness!

You Ever Thought Of Becoming A Nurse That Deals With Emotional Problems Or Even Try To Go To School And Get A Ms In Councilling That Way You Can Deal With Your Own Hours And You Do Not Have To Put Up With Other People Questions About Medications And Your Diagnoses!

But If You Like To See Other People You Can Share Office With Other Councillors And Even Share The Same Office Support Personnel That Way You Got Somebody To Talk To Or Have Christmas Party With Or Potlucks Ones In A While!

Now For That Panic Attack -- Try To Use The Bible And Do A Bible Study That Deals With Panic Attack!

A Good Character To Study Is Perhaps The Life Of Jesus Christ Who Is The Bible Scholar Teach That He Knew From Birth That He Will Die Of Crucifixation And Yet Remain Calm And Humble!

Or You Can Do A Study On David Of Whom Was Being Attacked By King Soul Before David Was Crown King And How He Remain Steadfast That He Will Be King Still Someday!

Here Is A Study For You Do To

Psalm 1

1 Blessed Is The Man Who Walks Not In The Counsel Of The Ungodly, Nor Stands In The Path Of Sinners, Nor Sits In The Seat Of The Scornful

Pray To God And Jesus Christ

Sing Jesus Loves Me And God Is So Good

Pray To God And To Jesus Christ Again

Write Down Verse 1

Write Your Thoughts About Verse 1

How Can A Man Be Blessed

What Would Be A Godly Counsel Me Like

What Would Be An Ungodly Counsel Me Like

What Do You Think About The Phrase Nor Stands In The Path Of Sinners

Do You Think That If We Neglect To Pay Attention To Sinners That They Will Be Save

Do You Think Though That We Should Neglect The Christians

What Do We To Maintain A Balance Relationships Between A Sinner And A Christian

Should We Behave Differently Between The Sinnner And The Christian

Do We Dress Differently Between The Sinner And The Christian

If You Are A Smoker Christian And Does Understand The Concept Would You Smoke In Front Of A Sinner That Does Not Understand The Concept -- When Can You Explain To The Sinner

Put Also In The Scenario With The Christian Who Does Not Smoke Either How Would You Approach The Christian Who Does Not Smoke

How Should We Approach People Who Tries To Put Us Down -- Shoudl There Be A Different In Friendship Between A Friend Who Puts Us Down And A Friend Who Does Not

How Do We React To A Friend Who Puts Us Down And Is Able To Sort It Out As Oppose To With A Friend Who Does Not Experience Sorting It Out

Write Down Scriptures 2 Cor 10:13

Write Down Your Thoughts Of 2 Cor 10:13

When Do You Know That You Cannot Handle The Temptation Anymore

Do You Always Get Out Of Temptation That You Cannot Handle -- If Yes What Did You Do -- If Not Write Down Why Not -- Put Dates When You Like To Solve Them --write Down Scriptures For Reference -- Write Down Ideas On How You Will Solve Them

Write Your Thoughts Again On 2 Cor 10:13

Write Your Thoughts Again On Verse 1

Write Down Thoughts That Might Have Entered Your Mind Such As Panic Just In Case You Forgot To Turn Off Stove Before You Left Your Residents -- What Can You Do About This

What Sort Of Preparations Can You Do -- House Insurance -- Fire Proof Containers -- Put Up Signs -- Continual Double Checking Things Out -- Put Things Away In The Same Place -- Have A Schedule Made Out -- Discuss With A Professional Medicine Tech

Keep In Touch

Kathy

Kpop

[Liddle Noodnik]

Hi There....

Kathy

Kpop

Hey Kathy, thanks :)

God bless you and hope you continue to feel better and better!

[KPOP]

Hi There.

Thanks For The Wish!

I Do Feel Better But I Have A Very Bad Memory!

So I Just Keep On Using My Brain Cells Even Though Right Now It Feels As It It Is Useless But God Promise Me That I Will Get Better And Healed Too!

Mabuhay!

Kathy

Kpop

[Liddle Noodnik]

Hi There.

Thanks For The Wish!

I Do Feel Better But I Have A Very Bad Memory!

So I Just Keep On Using My Brain Cells Even Though Right Now It Feels As It It Is Useless But God Promise Me That I Will Get Better And Healed Too!

Mabuhay!

Kathy

Kpop

Well with any luck you and I will be on the same Alzheimer's unit

[ARNPsomeday]

it's been a while since (((((severina))))) originally started this excellent thread. could everyone that's been participating please check back in and let us know how you have been doing?

my dx: major depression, severe anxiety, and dissociation. three people who are close to me are battling cancer and i'm going to help care for a family member who is now terminal. i'm situationally depressed and did need to take this summer semester off from n school but i am keeping it together.

hugs to all. :balloons:

[NURSESUZ]

it's been a while since (((((severina))))) originally started this excellent thread. could everyone that's been participating please check back in and let us know how you have been doing?

my dx: major depression, severe anxiety, and dissociation. three people who are close to me are battling cancer and i'm going to help care for a family member who is now terminal. i'm situationally depressed and did need to take this summer semester off from n school but i am keeping it together.

hugs to all. :balloons:

hey! just to let you know, i finally got my med refilled after nearly 2 wks, and i feel much better now. i was just hangin' on, holdin' it all in, and lost my job too, so....anyway, i have put in several apps and will keep puttin' them in and hope to hear something soon. this stayin at home has helped me to organize a lot of things in the garage at my house (moved in a year ago). daughter is going to work too, so she will be out of my hair some. husband and i have both been out of work, but he starts a new job monday. i keep trusting in god, and my faith is what has been getting me through. my anxiety hasn't been so bad this go 'round. hope all is well w/all of you. thanks for being there. my prayers are w/us all. take care.