I'm headed all the way across the state to enter an inpatient 28 day treatment program for opiate addiction. My states monitoring program gave me a list of six places to choose from, all at least four hours from home, most of them in other states. (Despite the fact there are several inpatient programs within fifteen minutes of my home.)
I chose the only one that didn't specifically have an 'healthcare professionals' program because I have small children and 28 days will be hard enough on my family, much less 90+. I've been clean for 36 days, no medications besides Advil for a headache and not had a drop of alcohol. I've basically started living my life as if I'm in monitoring already. What's crazy is I honestly haven't craved anything. I miraculously didn't go through any bad withdrawals other than insomnia. I thank god for that small grace.
I know that addiction is insiduous and a liar and a thief, but the agony of leaving my partner and babies this morning coupled with the shame and disappointment I will put myself and my family through if I ever relapse seems like it will be a pretty effective deterrent, at least until I get through therapy and into a place of accountability. You guys please pray for me and my family, that this is the start of our new and improved lives. I'm trying to get into and stay in a place of calm and zen today.
All will be well, and all manner of things will be well. Hang in there.
You have my thoughts and support. I loathed inpatient and certainly hope you will have a better experience. However, even if it stinks this too shall pass. I wish you the very best of luck!!!
In my opinion, for what it is worth, you made a good choice to avoid the "healthcare professionals" shtick. From my observations, there is nothing about those kinds of things that is any different other than the bragging that they do. The purpose of any kind of rehab, in or outpatient is to work on YOU. The fact that you hold some kind of professional license is secondary. My feeling is that when it come to addiction or mental health we nurse folk are no different than any other human being so why do we need to spend an ungodly amount of money on some special program?
There is no rhyme or reason why these programs send people to the places that they do. I truly think they try to funnel people into the "professionals programs" because that's where the $$ is and nobody is quite sure where that money is being spread around. It does make me scratch my head that a basic tenant of recovery is a good support system (like maybe family and loved ones and home) yet the basis for the start of that is stupid far from home.
Truly it's one day at a time! That thought really helped me in those early days of recovery when I self-referred to the board, went through all my legal troubles, lost my job, moved out of state and had to do it over again - it will pass! You can do this.
I, too, left behind my babies when I went inpatient. Best decision I ever made. Unlike you, I was unable to stay clean on my own and needed to go inpatient to quit. I wish you the best of luck. It goes by quick and the little ones don't even remember me being gone, thankfully. The first visit is the hardest.... I balled after they left but it was easier the next few times.
I didn't have to go inpatient for my substance abuse issue (they recommended IOP), but when my kids were younger, I did three separate 90+ inpatient stays for my anorexia nervosa. 7 states away, each time.
I missed Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years one time. It was hard, I felt shame and anger at myself for putting my family thru it. But it did eventually stick, I kicked anorexia, and even though I was convinced my wee ones were old enough to remember, apparently they didn't remember any of the stays...at all. They are 13 and 11 today and they both swear that they have no recollection...my 13 year old even said, "wait...you were skinny once??"
So go and get better, get what you can out of it. You will miss the kids terribly but you will be a better mom clean than you can ever imagine.
Hugs to you...you got this!
Last edit by Eris Discordia BSN, RN on Apr 11
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