Double digits! 99 days.

  1. I started at 1,095, and am now down to 99 days! I also am flying out tomorrow for a 4 day trip (TPAPN approved!) so that will make those 4 days go fast. Plus I'm working an extra shift when I get back from my trip, then I'll have my own regular 3 nights, which all means I'm at 99 today but the next week will fly by.

    I tend to look at everything I do in terms of how it will make my time seem to go faster, or not. I Another thing I do to make the time go faster is set myself up with leisure time "goals". I have literally hundreds of books in my kindle account, and after my divorce I've really had to cut back on spending. So no more kindle book purchases. I've started going to the library, but I've also started rereading some of favorite kindle books that I already own, especially ones that come in a series. It gives me a feeling of "I need to get this book done by tomorrow, it's number 4 out of 7, then I should be able to finish the series by next week, if I get some down time during my night shifts (yeah, I get to read during my night shifts! Pretty nice, I know).

    Same thing with movies and tv shows on Netflix. I set a goal (I want to watch all the seasons of The Sopranos), and then in between work, life, and whatever books I'm reading, I take a couple weeks to finish a Netflix series that I've heard good things about. It's entertaining, doesn't cost anything, and it seriously makes my days and weeks go by faster!

    It sounds crazy, but setting these goals of wanting to read an entire series or watch a certain number seasons of some TV show really makes me feel like time is going so fast!! Like "wait! It can't already be Sunday, I was so sure I'd finish this series by now. I've got at least 12 more hours of reading and I wanted to try three new recipes before I go back to work!" Like I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do, so before I know it another 4 days has passed!

    Now I am a bit stressed about my trip, eating out (watching out for wine vinegar and anything else in the food!) and explaining to the co workers that I'm with that no I don't drink, I'll go out to dinner with them but not out for drinks. So there's that, but overall I think these 4 days will just fly by. Of course I will have to test immediately after I return home, but I am expecting that so no big deal.
  2. Visit Recovering_RN profile page

    About Recovering_RN

    Joined: Aug '15; Posts: 307; Likes: 643

    12 Comments

  3. by   Big Blondie
    Living life. Happy for you!
  4. by   Oogie
    Good for you! Enjoy yourself! I recently went to a week long (camping) music fest, never once "explained" about not drinking. I'd only say No Thanks, don't feel like it right now. 9th month and counting down for me ...Peace...
  5. by   Eris Discordia BSN, RN
    Now, I'm not much of a social butterfly in terms of going out, and most people I know are aware of my situation, so I don't often have to explain the alcohol thing, but there is one notable exception...my in laws.

    For a variety of reasons, it was very important to me and my spouse for my in laws never to know I had a drug issues. Too long to explain, but it is what it is.

    Now, they are upper class, and they do enjoy and house some very fine alcohol. For the 20 years I've known them, every time I have gone to their house, they would always offer something lovely to drink, in the alcohol department. Alcohol was never my drug of choice, but most the time I went there, I would take them up on their offer. Rieslings were my favorite, and they always went out of my way to have a really nice or new riesling on hand to offer me. Now. I didn't always say yes, but often, I was happy to have a single glass over dinner. I would some times even sample their luxury liquors because, yum. Why not? I've never been drunk before, but again, I enjoyed a glass, rarely two, on occasion.

    Obviously, one day that had to end. I was so nervous about having to finagle an excuse. I came up with a dozen good ones. Migraines? Calories? Health kick? Clean living? Ugh. I knew they would see through them, and the dread was sooooo real. I mean, we spend a lot of time there. I genuinely felt I was toast.

    So, that first day, I just simply said "no thanks...not today" and you know what? No questions. Next visit, same thing...but no questions. And it's been 17 months and every visit they still offer, and they still get a "no thanks, not today." There has NEVER been a question asked or an eyebrow raised.

    We recently went out to a super fancy Italian restaurant for my father in law's birthday. I'm a sucker for a seafood pasta, but the only one that offered was in a white wine base. My husband and I got their early, so I seized the opportunity to flag down the waitress and ask if they could modify the sauce to have zero alcohol. She went to the back to ask. Of course, my in laws showed up right then.

    She comes bouncing back and announces to the table that yes, they can make the sauce with a chicken base broth instead of white wine. My face flamed red. I knew I was busted. I muttered that the alternative would be fine. I waited for the garage of family member asking "why would you do that??"

    You know what? They never asked. The questions never came. And it looked they they genuinely didn't care, not that they were burning to ask a question. They were more concerned with getting the capers off their salmon dish than why I would want the substitution.

    All of this long-winded story to say...I have found that if I look nonchalant and nonplussed about the whole thing, I've never had anyone ask about my beverage choice; family or otherwise. I've even had my excuse tucked into the back of my brain that I would use..."I'm just not in the mood for it right now." But I've never had to use it.

    I know that if I was a big, known drinker before hand, this might have been an issue. Regardless though, I never avoided alcohol before though and I did enjoy a drink when out.

    I can't help but wonder, on your trip, if perhaps you may be surprised how few people care about your dinner drink. Now, if you were hitting up the club scene, that may be different. But if we are just talking dinner with friends, this may not be an issue.

    Regardless...have a grand adventure!!!!!
  6. by   Recovering_RN
    Eris,

    I totally get what you're saying! I was very stressed at the beginning when I'd think about having to explain why I "quit" my job and got a new one, or why I'm not drinking. But the sad fact is, most people just don't care! Most people are way more interested in themselves than anything I'm doing! I've rarely had to explain anything about my job changes or alcohol consumption. It's been easier than I expected but I still brace myself for the questions or drink offers.
  7. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    Yay Recovering the end is in sight!!! hang in there and be done with this nonsense
  8. by   rn1965
    Congratulations! That is wonderful news!
  9. by   Persephone Paige
    I'm so happy for you! I can't wait to see your out. Have fun on your trip...

    P.S. The Sopranos are on Netflix!? OMG, I'm a huge fan.
  10. by   Uncle-JoJo
    Congrats on almost being done. Be super careful while you're on this trip. Being in the presence of people close to you who drink can be quite the motivator.
  11. by   Recovering_RN
    So I got back from my trip Wednesday night. I had requested monitoring interruption through Wednesday. I expected to be called to test on Thursday but I wasn't. I was selected today though. If I remember correctly, the same thing happened last time I took a TPAPN approved trip. They did not select me to test immediately upon my return, instead giving me a day. I would like to think that someone is behind that choice, someone compassionate who is thinking that possibly the return trip was a late night flight, or that I would've had many other life/work things to attend to after having been out of town. Maybe that's being overly naive, but I would like to think that not everyone and everything involved in these programs are out to get me!

    I sent my case manager an email and gave him a summary of my trip, along with a picture of me going through my fit testing for my N-95 mask, and told him I've been asked to do another trip in July. He approved that trip too! I'm feeling sort of calm and serene, like the things TPAPN does are things I bought and are reasonable expectations.

    However, on a totally opposite note: I had a weird emotional episode on the plane coming home. I was very sad, I have absolutely no idea why. I'm divorced and not seeing anyone and I REALLY have no desire AT ALL to date. I have a male friend who was also on the trip who has tried several times over the years to get me to change our relationship from friendship to something more, and I had to tell him yet again that I am "not there" in my emotional state. I'm just not. He was really curious about that, saying his ex wife has also said she has no interest in dating, not even 3 years after their divorce. I'm only a year and 1/2 out from mine. I don't know the answer. I have no idea if my single status is related to my episode if sadness or not. My ex husband is on his 4th serious girlfriend in that same period of time! I'm fine with that, I have no regrets about the divorce at all. But I guess I am thinking maybe stuff is happening to me below my level of awareness to cause these emotions. Also, I was stressed about making excuses not to drink on the trip and I made it through pretty easily...so maybe it was simply unconscious relief? I don't know. I read books, a lot, I love to read. My genre of choice is romance. So maybe that effects me too? Although let me stress again that I do not in any way have a desire to date!! I love being single, living alone, being responsible only for myself!

    Anyone else ever go through totally unexplained feelings of profound sadness?
  12. by   mimifromtx
    I am sooo happy for anyone who is able to find calm and be able to adjust what would be considered "family time"!!!! It's so hard to explain this stuff! I actually got off the phone with my oldest daughter tonight, and we are SUPER excited to plan a trip together! We haven't been able to do this for years! So I know that planning this trip is such a gift and despite not really being super involved in the past, we are going to have an awesome time getting this trip done!!!
  13. by   ColorMePink
    Is there a way for me to contact you directly on here? I have some questions. I'm assuming once I finish school I will have an encumbered license and I have some questions about the process. I can't find anyone at my work who has ever been through this.
  14. by   Recovering_RN
    Quote from ColorMePink
    Is there a way for me to contact you directly on here? I have some questions. I'm assuming once I finish school I will have an encumbered license and I have some questions about the process. I can't find anyone at my work who has ever been through this.
    You can send a PM, but you have to have enough posts on the forum to do so. I would encourage you to create a new topic here in the Recovery forum, you'll get a lot more answers to your questions that way.

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