An update on my stepson

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

It is with a heavy heart that I give an update on my 16 year old stepson. Some of you may remember that he had a nightmare, or so we thought a few weeks ago, and woke us all up, screaming that there was a robber in the house.

I have spoken to my sponsor at great length about this, and it just seems to be snowballing, getting worse and worse. I know that when it rains it pours, but it's getting ridiculous.

A week ago Thursday night, the 16 yr. old woke us all up beating on our bedroom door screaming that there was an intruder in the house. We had no reason we thought, to not believe him, so my dh got his shotgun and went racing outside to see. (In his underwear, of course!) I called 911 and the dispatch sent out a state trooper and 4 local deputies, as well as a K 9 unit. We heard the story from the teen as the officers heard it too, and it was just full of holes. We thought it was truly a nightmare. The next day, he realized what had happened, and was so upset. Turns out, he had been at a friend's house and took drugs. He admitted to taking Extasy (sp??) He cried and cried and begged my dh not to give up on him. I truly thought he had hit his bottom. I was wrong.

We got a call from the school that he appeared high. He denied it and said he had only taken 4 Benadryl. Found out later he was high on pot at the time. This happened earlier the same day.

A week later, I received a call from my dad that my aunt was dying and we made a road trip to south Louisiana to see her. Caleb refused to go, and my dh told him that if he could find an adult to watch him he could stay. They got into an altercation, verbally, and dh grounded him. He turned around and left anyway. We tried to find him with no luck, so we called the coroner and had him PECed. This happened before we left, at approx 1015 pm. The S.O. called maybe 2 hours later that they found him and took him to the ER for eval. From there, they admitted him to an inpatient adol. rehab center about 45 minutes away. He was admitted Saturday am. It is only a 7 to 14 day program, and that wont touch his problems.

Today my dh went and spoke to the counselor and the teenager. Of course, he was very angry with both my dh and me. We found out that he has taken heroin, benzos, opiates, ETOH, pot, Extasy, and we aren't sure what else. He admitted to those. His mom, my dh's ex wife is blaming all this on me, saying that he did all of it because of me, because he is upset that dh and I got married and we have been married for 5 years, and dated 1 year before that. Funny that it didn't bother him that mama got remarried a year before we did.

He's only 16, and it would just kill me that he could be dead before long using the meds that he is screwing with. His dad and I are both in recovery and have been for 10 years. Mama, on the other hand, is still bulemic and actively using Xanax and pot as well as ETOH. She called dh tonight and basically said that all this is MY fault. This isn't helping things.

After the counseling session with my dh and the son, he said he definetly needed an inpatient facility for 90 days. Of course, he says he isn't going, and we have to be the ones to check him out when he is d/ced and transport him to the other inpt. facility.

I'm sorry, I just needed to vent a little. Dh is all talked out and not in the best of spirits. It hurts to see him so angry, but he has been angry for quite a while. It doesn't help that mama is talking out of both sides of her mouth, so to speak. She has been talking bad about me to the counselors and wanted to get remarried to dh. She got highly upset when that didn't happen. She has already contacted Metro Narcotics, or so she says, but she will forget to mention that she gave him the Xanax and Klonopin and she has been getting him drunk.

I'm sure that there will be more crap to follow. The ex wive's family waste NO time in talking trash about dh and me. The strongest meds we keep in the house are Dramamine and Clonopin. She has Xanax and Klonopin just lying around, not even put up out of view.

Any ideas???

Anne, RNC :banghead:

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

I have no words of advice but wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this and I hope for everyone your stepson gets the help he needs

[suzy253, RN]

I am also sorry that you and your family are going through this.

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

Thank you both for your support. I do appreciate it.

[vashtee, RN]

I think part of the problem is the fact that everyone seems to be blaming everyone else for this boy's problems, when in fact *everyone* has contributed, including the boy himself. His formative years were spent with people being self-destructive, and this is what he learned. He will have to unlearn it, same as you.

I hope the inpatient program brings him (and you all) some healing.

[sl33y]

What is a "dh"??

[Nurse1966]

Oh my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for this pain. My son started using when he was 15 or so, he went to rehab Nov 2008 and did terrific until a few months ago when he started dating a new girl. He's now 18 and thinks he knows everything. He's even told me he's not really an addict, that he was just "acting out" and doing what all the other kids were doing. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I'm struggling over the same issue (without the legal crap). You're not alone.

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

What is a "dh"??

dear husband

Anne, RNC

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

Oh my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for this pain. My son started using when he was 15 or so, he went to rehab Nov 2008 and did terrific until a few months ago when he started dating a new girl. He's now 18 and thinks he knows everything. He's even told me he's not really an addict, that he was just "acting out" and doing what all the other kids were doing. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I'm struggling over the same issue (without the legal crap). You're not alone.

Thank you, and I am sorry you are having to go through the same thing. Caleb said that "dad ruined my chance of going into the military because he had me put here." He didn't even finish his outpt. rehab last spring after being expelled for drinking vodka due to a positive drug screen for benzos. I just really hate to see him at 16 throwing his life away. But hubbie and I refuse to allow him to come back to the same place with the same friends and the same environment. "I don't have a problem", is what he says, and he should be allowed to do what he wants with who he wants, no curfew, just hand him money and not expect good grades, ect.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this but at least we are stuck in it together.

Anne

[collegemom1961]

I am so sorry that you and your dh are having to go through this with your stepson. My husband and I went through a similar situation with our oldest son at 16. We sent our son to outpatient rehab and when he tested dirty three times (which broke the "contract" he made with us and the facility) we put him in to a residential facility. We did not tell him in advance that he was going. I packed a bag, put it in the trunk of the car and drove him there. I did not lie but did not divulge the whole truth, either. I told him that we were going to see a new doctor because the one at the outpatient center was not effective. I told him that if this new doctor was not a good fit for him, that he would not continue to see him...all true. I liked the facility and the doctor, thought they were a good fit, and then told him that he would stay as long as necessary. He was furious. He blamed me for his problems. I did not react. I was calm and reaffirmed every time he blamed someone other than himself, that he made the choices that put him there, that he, and only he, was responsible. I do not regret the decision. It was the hardest decision that my dh and I have ever faced in 25 years of marriage.

I discovered that I am not alone. Sadly, there are many parents that face the same challenges with their children. Do something now while he is still a minor and you have control. If you choose to put him in residential rehab and you don't think that he will physically go, there are services that will pick him up and deliver him for you. Your rehab center will know how to make those arrangements.

You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

[afranklin]

I had a similar situation with my husband's son about 13 years ago.

He was only 7 but he lied, defacated on everything, did 'unspeakable things'

Thank God his mother 'decided' to take him and raise him but she, too, had horrible

things to deal with and eventually he ended up on drugs and now he's in an institution.

I pray that you and your husband can save your marriage.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

This really sucks. That's the only way I can put it. I have three sons myself and my 18 yr old son is living with his father because that's where he can do whatever he wants. He cannot do whatever he wants at my house.

My twin 15yr old boys are starting to give me problems. They have different friends, and one of them has been hanging around boys that smoke pot and cigarettes. We try to maintain a very close relationship with the twins and it really helps because we know what's going on. But their friends parents have already given up on them. I will never give up on my boys. While I can't do anything about my 18 yr old.. I can still do something about the younger ones.

Don't give up on your stepson. I know it is hard now. I read your other posts about your husband's ex family and they are, simply put, crazy. Please don't give up on him. He needs you and your husband... look what else there is for him.. his mom and her family...

Hang in there, and he will grow up... he will see one day what he's done and realize how terrible he's treated you and your dh... As long as your safety is intact,, don't give up.