Why Do People Bully Me?

TheCommuter, BSN, RN

Unfortunately, bullying is an unpleasant fact of working life for far too many employees in our society. And surveys have discovered that the two workplaces that suffer the most from bullying bosses are healthcare and education (Parsons, 2005). With more than 3.5 million members and counting, nurses comprise the largest category of healthcare workers in the United States.

Since nursing makes up the single largest group of healthcare professionals in this country, the profession has been negatively impacted by bullying. Countless nurses recount their personal tales of woe and workplace harassment, sometimes with pained facial expressions or tears in their eyes. Bullying has had ruinous consequences for some of these nurses, including job loss, public humiliation, anxiety, depression, and shattered professional reputations. Meanwhile, the bully often gets away with his or her antics due to insufficient proof or a lack of witnesses who are willing to corroborate the victim's side of the story.

Then again, a sizeable number of nurses have managed to avoid ever becoming the target of a bully's wrath during the course of their careers. This perceived divergence in nurses' personal experiences leads me to my next question.

Why do some people become victims of bullies in settings alongside coworkers who, seemingly, are never targeted? Regrettably, certain people become targets in the workplace while others are left untouched.

Who is the target of bullying in the workplace?

- The self-starter who is feisty and independent

- A person who is technically more skilled than the bully

- The target is more emotionally intelligent and socially adept than the bully; the target is well-liked

- The target is ethical and honest to a fault

- The target is not a confrontational person. He or she does not respond. Frankly, the target is stunned and bewildered. The target is convinced he or she can overcome this. It's all shame-based; the target feels shame. The target comes to believe he or she is incompetent. It's a disassembly of the target's personality.

My next few words will be candid. Some would say that I am blaming the victim, but I am not. In fact, I have been the target of workplace bullying in previous years, but not anymore.

I have noticed repeatedly that workplace bullies pick on certain nurses while seemingly leaving their other coworkers alone. This is very troubling, but it is somewhat connected to the way in which people view you. If the bully sees you as a 'softie' or a person who will not stand up for yourself, you'll be targeted for harassment and verbal abuse initially. If, at the outset, you try to address the issue in a rational, subdued, non-confrontational manner and avoid a defensive response to the bullying, it's almost a guarantee that the bully will fly down like a vulture to harass you all the time. Also, if the target of the bullying continues to avoid sticking up for oneself, the bully will continue acting with hostility out in the open because the victim's lack of defense assures the offender they can get away with future attacks.

On the other hand, if people identify you as the nurse who will openly resist all attacks and not let anyone walk all over you, then bullies will quickly find easier targets. Workplace bullying is an offense related to an imbalance of power because the offenders seek the most opportune targets: nurses who are unlikely or unwilling to respond defensively to the harassment. Other than age differences, workplaces bullies are similar to schoolyard bullies who target their classmates because both types of perpetrators socially feel people out, test limits, and use this information to determine whom they can run over.

It is possible for nurses to 'bully-proof' themselves in the workplace, or at least minimize their chances of becoming a victim. Since bullies thrive on picking at non-confrontational people, one strategy is to become confrontational. In other words, directly confront the offender. Many bullies are cowards who will move on if given a piece of their own medicine. If they yell at you, yell back at them. If they become aggressive, throw some aggression back into their face. However, this strategy works only when the bully has just met you and begins to test your limits on how much abuse you'll tolerate, so let them know you won't put up with it. Remember that your first few interactions with a bully determine how he'll treat you in the future. Confrontation often fails when the bully has been messing with you for months or years because the stage has already been set.

Another strategy involves having coworkers who will back you because power comes in numbers. Many bullies are cowardly and like to strike when their targets are alone, so being in the presence of one of more colleagues sometimes eases the situation. Moreover, maintain a diary of bullying incidents with specific information such as dates, times, and descriptions of what was said or done by the bully. This diary may be useful if you must someday bring the issue to the attention of human resources or upper management.

Always remember that a nurse cannot be bullied unless he or she permits it. Good luck, be vigilant, and take care.

Why Do People Bully Me?

Who is the target of bullying in the workplace?

About TheCommuter, BSN, RN

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