Wacky things our patients say or think!

[st4304]

Had a patient yesterday who was refusing to sign his consent for a pacemaker. His nurse called the cath lab (where I just happen to work) and asked if one of us could answer a few questions that he had.

Sweetest, older gentlemen, 75 yrs old, big ears, skinny legs sticking out of his green gown, from the hills (and I mean HILLS!) of Indiana, looking at me very suspiciously. He wanted to know why we were not putting him to sleep to put in his pacemaker. Of course, being the professional I am, I began to state the risks involved with general anesthesia, how the procedure was relatively painless, etc. etc. He listens to my speech, and then says, "I guess I just thought if you were going to take a man's heart out, he just might like to be asleep when ya did."

"Excuse me? Take your heart out?"

"Well, ain't that pacemaker thang goin' to take the place of my heart?"

Of course, after I explained to him that he would very much be keeping his very own heart, he was must more comfortable with just the local. He was a hoot! This is why I love rural nursing!

A friend of mine in ER had a woman one time with foul smelling discharge coming from the nether regions. When the ER doc removed what was probably at one time a tampon, the woman exclaimed, "Look! A bogina nugget!!!" Huh?

Does anybody else (and I know you do!) have any stories about wacky things patients believe or say that you could share?

(I hope I am not offending anyone. I am not making fun of my patients, just having fun with my patients!)

[TLynn]

A friend of my in-laws comes down periodically to visit. One day him , my father-in-law and my husbands uncle were sitting behind our shop talking of things they would like to have. One said they would like a car the other a house. The friend, who'd had multiple medical complications sat back and said, "I would like to have a Percocet the size of a 55 gal. drum and just lay down and knaw on it all day like a rat.

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[jamistlc]

"In some defense of the NA and the BSN programs...I have been cathing women at least 3x a day for 3 years - and find that everyone's anatomy, especially that of a woman, is so different and sometimes difficult to discern - even for experienced nurses. Some people's urethra isn't exactly where you expect to be!"

Not this woman God rest her soul! She had been a quad for so long that her Ureatha literally winked at you! I too have seen many displaced anatomical, one in paticular from birth, about age 34-40 had a deformed contracted body had to approach the lady parts from the left lateral side, her Ureatha was the size of a typical lady partsl orfice. I remember her well the first female cath I had to do as a staff nurse. I had to have someone else do it since I did not recognize any landmarks and was amazed when my charge put it in what I thought was the lady parts! She was very familar with the case and advised me she had been waiting for me to call her. Ha, Ha, I was so embarrassed for both the client and my skills!

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Visit my web site at http://www.geocities.com/4birthing

Have a Blessed and Peaceful Day,

Jami

[email protected]

[hollykate]

My first cath was a simple I and O- on a woman from Africa where they had practiced female circumcision- things did look a little different down there

On the original topic- An oldie- but I love it- the families and (some of my not so medical friends) who say- gee, "Momma must be real sick to need a nurse even at 3:00am..... duh. and my friends- wow- your patient must have been really near death if you had to work ALL night long.... hmmmmm. (so I have not been successful in teaching my patients to suctionthemselves immediately after AAA repair....

[Jay-Jay, RN]

Had a lady not too long ago who had her urinary meatus located on the right labia minora, about 1" below the spot where the labia join. She had serious problems urinating, and needed an in and out catheterization to fully empty her bladder. Even then, she had to assist the nurse by massaging and pressing on her abdomen above the pubic bone. I'm sure it was due to her unusual anatomy, but the doc didn't want surgery done on her, just bladder retraining!

[CEN35]

OK Im sure I will catch hell from Susy, Heather and Kay (I mean Kristine) for this one. Talk about not having the answer? This woman pulls up into the parking lot, and runs in claiming her friend in the back seat of her car (a Ford Taurus) is going to have a baby. Now mind you it's 10 degrees out, with 60 mph winds. We go out there and sure enough she is crowning in the back seat. Someone runs back inside and grabs the OB pack. She started pushing some, and within 2 minutes gave birth to the baby. We wrapped it up in warm blankets immidiately, and took the baby inside where (it was nice and warm) the OB people were hanging out with an incubator.

Well, the family wanted us to keep the kid outside with the mother (NOT!) The as soon as we get inside (from the Ford Taurus with no working inside lights), the OB people want to know what the 1st APGAR was? Shitttttttttttttt........you know, they got all pissed off because I didn't know? That was kinda the last thing on my mind. I was more concerned with geting the kid inside, and then the mother.

Oh yeah, glad that wasn't my backseat!

Rick

[CEN35]

OK real quick here........

I had a 7 year old girl who fell off her bike in the street. The mother ran out to see if she was ok? The girl claimed she couldn't move anything. The mother runs back in and calls 911. the squad arrives, and checks the girl out, and the girl said who are you? They said we are paramedics, we are here to help you. She still claimed she couldn't move anything. The squad is en route with a 7 year old female, that fell off her bike and can't move any of her extremeties. they tell the girl, when you get to the hospital a doctor will check you out. Well I walked into the room right when they got there, and started talking to the squad briefly. The squad left, and I asked the little girl how she was? She claimed she was fine? I asked her, let me see you move your fingers, and she did. I said let me see you move your arms, and she did. I said can you move your feet and legs for me? And she did! I asked her, I thought you could not move anything? She thought I was the doctor......she said "On 911 they say if you get hurt, or in an accident, not to move until the doctor asks you too, too make sure you are ok".

Rick

[adellisrn]

I work on a paeds floor where you have the child and the PARENTS!!!! Just the other day I had a mom state, while pointing to my stethascope around my neck...you should return that to the dr. I statd it was my own. She could not beleive that nurses carried stethascopes. What does that say for public awarness....

[st4304]

Several years ago on a med-surg floor, it's 2am, FINALLY everyone has been seen, fluffed and tucked, and I could finally sit down and get a little charting done. After a little while, I could sense someone standing behind me. It was a 90-yr-old male patient, stark naked, with his foley cath between his legs dragging on the ground behind him (which I have to admit had not been emptied yet for I&Os). I looked at him and said, "You need something, Mr. B?" He said, "I'm feelin' a little chilly, ma'am, and would like an extra blanket, but for the life of me I don't know, my d*ck is on fire!"

I had a patient yesterday that I was placing a PICC line in. He yelled in pain when I put the tourniquet on, he yelled when I wiped his arm with alcohol, he yelled when I scrubbed his arm with betadine, you get the picture? His nurse came in during and put his bi-pap back on and he yelled when she touched his nose. He yelled when I just touched him! Now I know some patients are very sensitive to pain, but this guy is a frequent flyer and aggravates everyone with his constant complaints, yelling, etc. Trust me, I deserved an Oscar for my acting, I was so nice and pleasant, I was even making myself sick! Then as I got the dressing over the site, his nurse brought in his am meds. She asked him if he wanted them one at a time or all at once. He said, LOUDLY, "All at once! What do you think I am? A wimp?" I just cracked up laughing at him, and said, "With a capital "W"!!! as his nurse just rolled her eyes. You probably had to be there, but it WAS funny!

[Q.]

Originally posted by CEN35:

OK Im sure I will catch hell from Susy, Heather and Kay (I mean Kristine) for this one. Talk about not having the answer? This woman pulls up into the parking lot, and runs in claiming her friend in the back seat of her car (a Ford Taurus) is going to have a baby. Now mind you it's 10 degrees out, with 60 mph winds. We go out there and sure enough she is crowning in the back seat. Someone runs back inside and grabs the OB pack. She started pushing some, and within 2 minutes gave birth to the baby. We wrapped it up in warm blankets immidiately, and took the baby inside where (it was nice and warm) the OB people were hanging out with an incubator.

Well, the family wanted us to keep the kid outside with the mother (NOT!) The as soon as we get inside (from the Ford Taurus with no working inside lights), the OB people want to know what the 1st APGAR was? Shitttttttttttttt........you know, they got all pissed off because I didn't know? That was kinda the last thing on my mind. I was more concerned with geting the kid inside, and then the mother.

Oh yeah, glad that wasn't my backseat!

Rick

I won't give you hell, Rick. Actually, the OB people should have determined the apgar anyway...it seems that you guys brought the baby in right after delivery and into the warmer where OB could resusicitate - for god's sake. If the baby was pink and breathing - who really cares?

[JennieBSN]

Originally posted by Susy K:

I won't give you hell, Rick. Actually, the OB people should have determined the apgar anyway...it seems that you guys brought the baby in right after delivery and into the warmer where OB could resusicitate - for god's sake. If the baby was pink and breathing - who really cares?

DITTO what Susy said!! People like that piss me off. They have no concept of what's REALLY important!! You just wanna grab 'em and shake 'em and yell, 'AIRWAY, BREATHING, CIRCULATION, HELLO??!! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE APGAR WAS, THE KID IS BREATHING!!' Then politely tell them to yank the stick out of their gluteus maximus hole.

[nursejanedough]

I am still laughing at st4's last response. All of these posts are great. At the moment, all I can think of, is when I was a student nurse in a nursing home. I remember an elderly fellow (Henry) constantly yelling, and I do mean constantly, "I'm hungry!" We were at this nursing home for 2 weeks and everyday for 4 hours I heard, "I'm hungry!" The next semester as a student nurse we were in a hospital. We were on a med/surg floor and I heard, "I'm hungry!", down the hall. I rushed down the hall and there was Henry that I had heard in the nursing home. To this day, it's been almost 10 years, when I hear someone say, "I'm hungry!" I think of Henry.

[Jenny P]

I will never forget the lady who told me after heart surgery (20 some years ago!) that if she would have known she'd have an incision or a scar, she never would have had her mitral valve replaced! She was probably in her 60's, and I'm still trying to figure out how she thought they would replace the valve without cutting her!

Or how about the family that worried that the Intra-aortic balloon pump would be dislodged when I told them I was taking the NG out! They thought everything was just IN the same space in the body!