Wacky things our patients say or think!

[st4304]

Had a patient yesterday who was refusing to sign his consent for a pacemaker. His nurse called the cath lab (where I just happen to work) and asked if one of us could answer a few questions that he had.

Sweetest, older gentlemen, 75 yrs old, big ears, skinny legs sticking out of his green gown, from the hills (and I mean HILLS!) of Indiana, looking at me very suspiciously. He wanted to know why we were not putting him to sleep to put in his pacemaker. Of course, being the professional I am, I began to state the risks involved with general anesthesia, how the procedure was relatively painless, etc. etc. He listens to my speech, and then says, "I guess I just thought if you were going to take a man's heart out, he just might like to be asleep when ya did."

"Excuse me? Take your heart out?"

"Well, ain't that pacemaker thang goin' to take the place of my heart?"

Of course, after I explained to him that he would very much be keeping his very own heart, he was must more comfortable with just the local. He was a hoot! This is why I love rural nursing!

A friend of mine in ER had a woman one time with foul smelling discharge coming from the nether regions. When the ER doc removed what was probably at one time a tampon, the woman exclaimed, "Look! A bogina nugget!!!" Huh?

Does anybody else (and I know you do!) have any stories about wacky things patients believe or say that you could share?

(I hope I am not offending anyone. I am not making fun of my patients, just having fun with my patients!)

[Jay-Jay, RN]

Kday, my preceptor from Scarborough Centennary Hospital would have said those OB nurses who got upset about the APGAR score were "anally retentive." I've always liked the sound of that....you can insult someone and still sound professional!

[laurasc]

Speaking of "anally"...that reminds me. I used to work in a pediatric clinic and I'll never forget the mom who told me that the new Thermoscan ear thermometers don't work well. She used it on the "rectal" setting which is for children and it's always wrong. After a few well-placed questions on my part, I discovered that she really was using it rectally....stuffing the thermoscan up her toddler's orifice to take the temp. It was all I could do to keep my face straight as I explained that it's an EAR thermometer set to register a RECTAL temp.

[st4304]

I started this post because it seems every day I go to work, something funny happens or is said by my patients. Here I go again. . .

The other day we put a pacemaker into a 74 yr old woman. Her incision site (directly above the right breast) was oozing blood, so we put a pressure dressing on it. I was held the wad of gauze while my co-worker taped across hthe patient's chest with the stretch foam tape. When we were through, the way the tape was pulling on her skin, she had cleavage to rival a Playboy Bunny! We teased her about it all the way up to her room. (She was a pretty "hip" gal!)

We took her up to her room, where her husband was waiting. She pulled the front of her gown down, leaned forward, and said "Look, honey! A boob job!" His eyes about popped out of his head, and when we left, he still had a big smile on his face. (By the way, I took a big roll of that tape home myself. . .who needs a Wonder Bra?)

[robieyratt]

I always like it when I am the patient and a new intern is checking me doing blood pressure etc etc etc and ask "are you allergic to any thing?" humm the crazy person I am no matter how much pain I'm in at the time I say stuff like "yea I'm allergic to orificenic, LSD makes me see things, THC makes me hungry, and carbon monoxide" the wierd thing is sometimes they write it down and give it to the attending. Which brings up the point: its not only the wacky things patients say could be the wacky things we do.