Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 10

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   flychick08
    Quote from BabyScanner82
    Oh my god I am glad to see this thread up here. I have just started a new job at a hospital. I have been here for about 2 mths now as a patient tech in a Cardiac unit. It a freakin madhouse and I'm really wondering if I made the right choice about working there. The patients are SO NEEDY AND DEMANDING!!!! It blows my mind every night to hear them talk to the staff the way they do. Here would be my list of what I'd love to say to them:

    1) Oh, I'm sorry, did the sign outside say the Ritz Carlton on the door? Because the last time I checked this is NOT a resort it's infact a hospital and your prognosis is going to require a little effort on your part.

    2) Why is it that when I ask your 300 pound butt to stand up on a scale you are tired and need me to throw out my back assisting you? But when you need that chocolate chip cookie on your table you suddenly have the strength of SuperMan?

    3) As if it wasn't bad enough that Spanish is becoming the primary language in this country, I get the traditional stare of confusion when I ask important questions to patients who don't speak English. Now unless I had a freak accident while traveling, I wouldn't sit in a hospital in France and keep talking in English because they wouldn't understand me now would they? Why am I the only one who finds this disturbing?

    4) Just because your family member sneezed, or sniffled doesn't mean I'm going to drop what I'm doing to rush to their side!!

    5) This one is my personal favorite, every shift I hear numerous complaints about how bad the food is. What I would give to tell one of these patients, your in a hospital, not a hotel. That food you were eating that put on that extra 100 pounds may be the very reason your lying in that bed with shortness of breath!!! I guess that would just be an anwser with too much logic now wouldn't it?

    6) Im completely aware you need a bed change from excessively sweating. Again maybe it's the fact that your 300 pounds?

    I know many of you may read this and think I am insincere, but the simple truth is many patients I take care of could turn their health around if they lost some weight. It comes down to responability pure and simple. As you know heart disease is the #1 cause of death in women and many of these patients are so heavy they haven't seen their crotch in 10 years because of the belly hangin over it. Thanks for the rant.
    Honey...I've been a nurse for 16 years and can tell you that it IS worth the aggravation, most of the time. Just smile sweetly and do what ever it was you were doing in the first place. Most people are too lazy or stupid to carry out with their threats. Furthermore, it's been my experience that the ones who do the loudest yelling are the same ones that know they themselves are dead wrong, have done something they shouldn't have,or know they in general, are a major pain.
    Last edit by donsterRN on Dec 21, '07 : Reason: Brief profanity
  2. by   gingersdad
    What part of "only 1 mg Ativan" is it that you don't understand?
  3. by   jbp0529
    Quote from gingersdad
    What part of "only 1 mg Ativan" is it that you don't understand?

    Amen to that!! Had a pt the other night say "why am I only getting 1 mg of morphine?" Umm... bc that's what the doctor ordered?? Why dont you take it up with him in the morning. And if you remember correctly, 1 mg is what I have been giving you the last 3 days.
  4. by   traumagirll99
    Quote from kmcnelly
    and if you were this pt, would you like those hours? or better yet, if you were the family and your family member were in the hospital, would you want to only be able to see them from 2-4 or 7-9, on the days when you work from 3-10? I think it's great, albeit an incovinience, that the family is so supportive.
    Here is one that I would like to tell all nursing students who think they know and understand so much more about a nurse then all of mean and hateful licensed and experienced nurses: until you have walked in my danskos, have a license to practice as a nurse, keep your judgemental comments to your self! I challenge you to come back and read this perfectly good venting thread and see if you feel so superior to the rest of us, tired and unappreciated real nurses!
  5. by   gentle
    Lazy private-duty people

    You are being paid more than I or the CNA to take care of patient, (insert name). Even if he is here so are you, the private duty person. Please put him on the bedpan.

    Yes, I would like to tell the family member paying you, that you are lazy. Please wipe his face and brush his teeth. You are the private duty person. If you are not needed by the patient, then go home. You are a pest.

    For the love of Mama:

    No, I cannot help mama get to the bathroom right this second. I need to get her a wheelchair first. No, she is not stable to use a walker without wheels, much less the hot rod wheeled walker you've brought in for her.

    So, you are going to use the hot-rod walker after all; please do not look at me when mama kerplunks on the floor. Please stop screaming at mama to just "stand-up". That toilet seat is low, and mama moves kinda slow.

    Please stop feeding mama McDonalds. She has been hospitalized for gastroenteritis. You remember, the vomiting and diarrhea stuff she had from the last fast-food trip you took her on.
  6. by   gingersdad
    Or how about "That's the way we've always done it", "that's what the bookk says"
  7. by   gentle
    To the family:

    If you want to know where your Dad is then call his house. I am not the psychic hot-line. No, I don't know when he was discharged, again call the house. He is your DAD.
    I don't care if you don't like to talk to your family members, that's your problem, not mine.

    Please do not insult the other patient at the nursing station. Her "baby" looks like a professional football player and he will punch you. No, I will not try to protect you. You should have never called his mother a cow. I don't know that the security guard will want to help you either: he is smaller than you. He also has enough sense not to call anyone's mama a cow.
    Last edit by gentle on Dec 20, '07 : Reason: fix
  8. by   gentle
    Why do you smell like kitty-litter every time you come to the hospital?
  9. by   gentle
    You have how many pets? In the house ??????? Do they all really live in the house??? Why!?
  10. by   gentle
    Dr. so and so, does not care that you have nice implants!!! Neither do I. I don't wish to hear anymore about your strange love life. I'm not your nurse lady. Save all that info for your nurse please.
  11. by   gentle
    It's okay that you don't like me. I am more than glad to trade assignments with a lovely nurse . . . named ... .
  12. by   gentle
    Grandma is in isolation for her head lice. Please, stop going in and out without the proper protective equipment. No, I do not wish to have a hug.
  13. by   flychick08
    Quote from kmcnelly
    and if you were this pt, would you like those hours? or better yet, if you were the family and your family member were in the hospital, would you want to only be able to see them from 2-4 or 7-9, on the days when you work from 3-10? I think it's great, albeit an incovinience, that the family is so supportive. obviously are NOT a nurse or you are one and have been in a coma for oh,say,25years. Supportive families help grandma eat her lunch tray, don't eat OFF the tray. Supportive families help her get on and off the bedpan and help clean her up, rather than chasing down a nurse for 20 minutes for the nurse to do it when they could have done the same thing in 5 minutes. Supportive families don't let grandma rot in a nursing home,uncared for and unvisited;and then all 42 of them (most of whom have more tatoos than teeth)rush to grandma's side when she's at the hospital for dehydration,UTI,scabies infection gone crazy,etc.etc. They LIKE being in the hospital b/c they think they're going to see something that they can go to BINGO and tell they're dim-witted friends about. Better yet....supportive families realize that irritating the nurse every 5 minutes IS NOT the road to better!!:angryfire