"Nurses Are So Mean" - page 12

I wish I had a dollar for every post I've read claiming that "nurses are so mean," "nurses are nasty to each other," "nurses eat their young" or "my preceptor is picking on me for no good reason." ... Read More

  1. by   rn/writer
    Just a gentle reminder to debate topics, not people.

    There is room to disagree on all kinds of subjects. But what nursing needs is solid set of core values that includes kindness and decency toward each other. Why should anyone else listen to us--heck, why should we listen to each other--if there is only carping and complaining.

    Yes, there are many things that cause friction and need improvement, but we are not each other's enemies. At least, we shouldn't be.

    In the name of good body mechanics, we're taught to push rather than pull. Oddly enough, in personal interaction it's just the opposite. It's a rare person who likes to be pushed into doing (or not doing) something. But being pulled (magnetically attracted, drawn into, inspired) is another matter altogether.

    If you can find a point of connection--with a peer, a patient, a fellow AN member--that's a good place to start. Investigating and exploring differing points of view goes down easier when you start with something you share.

    This isn't just ooey-gooey claptrap. It's an encouragement to look for the spark of shared humanity in everyone you come in contact with. When you find that tiny flame, it's harder to shake your fist and rail against the other without feeling the harsh vibrations in your own soul. This is the basis of empathy. And without that treasured attribute, we are lost.
  2. by   caregiver1977
    I hate it when someone has a bad experience with a nurse (or anyone in any profession) and then declares that all nurses are mean. I have actually heard people do this (face to face conversations). It is like nails on a chalkboard.
  3. by   Chixie
    I think that as we are unable to tell the patients that their behaviour/demands are unacceptable we have to bite our tongues and deal with them and their abuse. We are unable to say anything when xray/Drs'/porters/other departments snap at the nursing staff. I feel that sometimes i have abuse heaped on me when actually the fault is nothing to do with me, its all to do with who is nearby at the time which happens to be our nursing colleagues.

    Ive only been in post 6 weeks ,im newly qualified and im tired of being snapped at, especially when i have asked a question, im tired of being abandoned and left to get on with it, i need a little support and a little education from the staff that have done the job for years and know the biz inside and out.

    Im sick of the ********,back biting and one-up-manship,its not healthy.

    I worry that im gonna end up like the people i work with
    Last edit by Chixie on Jul 12, '11
  4. by   timetoshine
    i think everyone should visit this post.
    for those who won't accept bully's exist in nursing you might just get a new perspctive about the seriousness of the problem

    staff development and funding
    dec 01, 2007 written by jbudd [color=#1750ff]platinum member | 0 comments
    print email follow
  5. by   talaxandra
    I don't think anyone's denying the existence of bullies or bullying. As has been clarified many times, by the OP among others, this thread began talking about nurses who, due to their lack of insight and ability, chose to blame the nurses around them rather than look at how their own behviour and demeanour may play a part in their work environment.

    Ruby Vee specifically referenced those nurse who a) believe more experienced nurses are jealous of their youth and good looks, and b) find horrible people wherever they go. She suggested that these nurses look at themselves before pointing the finger.

    Also, and I'm speaking only for myself here, a large font doesn't make me pay more attention to a post it just makes me feel like I'm being shouted at.
  6. by   timetoshine
    I apologize for the bold type. It was not deliberate or intentional. It happened because I copied and pasted the title of the Article and I couldn't change it. The problem with Ruby's responses and some of the others is they are assuming the the people who are venting their experiences are just venting and not taking any responsibility for the situations they find themselves in. Further no one is saying just because one person had a bad day and was rude or cranky all nurses are rude and cranky. There is an obvious disconnet between reality and The Florence Nightingale Syndrom cherished by some. It is interesting to me, almost without exception, no one on either side is saying "I hate my job" or "I hate Nursing". It seems to me the message here is a plea from these nurses to help
    them do their job to the best of their ability. If anything can be assumed it could be they love nursing they just hate the politics. Bottom line is there are far more bullies in Nursing than anyone wants to admit to and it goes on because it is an accepted practice in the Nursing Profession. The Article I pointed out deals with Funding for Nursing Education written by a DSD. She points out why Nurses leave Nursing, the stress of being a Nurse and how it could benefit the Medical Institution, the Nurses and the quality of care provided to the patients we serve. It is worth the read if for no other reason than recognizing there is a need which is being ignored.
  7. by   talaxandra
    I see you haven't been a member of AN for very long.

    I've read dozens of threads by junior nurses that really do start "I've just started in my first job and OMG the nurses are so catty and horrible - they're clearly jealous of my faulous beauty and witty rapport with the doctors" or "I can't believe that even in my sixth workplace the nurses are total ****** who just want to tell me what to do!" When they give details they're clearly in the wrong, but posts to that effct by more experienced nurses result in accusations that we, too, are jealous old hags.

    I suspect Ruby Vee started this thread in response to one too many similar threads. It's not that there aren't bullies, it's that not everyone who cries "bully!" is actually being bullied. Sometimes they're stupid and/or entitled.
  8. by   timetoshine
    I have read those those threads also and dismiss them out of hand. Fortunately they are in the extreme minority. How they ever got through a Nursing Program boggles my mind. Using them as examples to rebutt or reject the real concerns of Nurses who are working or have worked in a hostile environment is more political than relevant. It does nothing to advance how to solve the problem. It is time to recognize there really is a problem and what we need are suggestions and ideas that will "Raise the Bar" of our expectations and the Article I suggested is a step in that direction. Regarding Unions - If we can get rid of the corrupt Union Bosses and install people who more interested in serving the people they represent than just wielding power over masses, they might be helpful. Where are the Unions now? I have been a member of the SEIU and my Granddaughter is a member now. Neither of us joined of our own free will. Then and now we joined because we needed the job. I believe the Bully problem can be solved but it takes a united front that wants to solve the problem.
  9. by   timetoshine
    If what you say is true and I believe it is I can understand your frustration. If it were me I would write her up. In the write-up I would suggest that maybe she is not clear in what her responsibilities are and how she could have been more helpful. I would give her the benefit of doubt and request a consult with her and the DSD or DON or HS whoever is appropriate. It is not enough to endure her lack of participation. It is not that you are mean. It is you are frustrated because you are carrying a load above your pay grade. Nip it in the bud. If once everything is "aired out" and there is no improvement in attitude or action look for another job because it won't get any better unless you have the Administration behind you.
  10. by   timetoshine
    Yes Annmarie. yes, yes, and yes
  11. by   timetoshine
    Quote from ruby vee
    you got me. my co-workers all hate me because i'm beautiful and i'm surrounded by crowds of mean people who have been bullying me my whole life.

    there have been dozens of posts -- and a younger relative or two -- bemoaning the "fact" that everyone they know hates them for their extreme good looks and that they're perfect people who are the victims of bullying or lateral violence for no good reason other than that others are jealous of their sheer perfection. and they know that "nurses eat their young" because no matter how many times they change jobs, their co-workers are always nasty to them. i'm getting tired of hearing it, and i guess i had hoped that maybe someone would read my post and have an "aha!" moment. ("oh, maybe they don't all hate me because i'm young and attractive; maybe it's because i keep blathering on about my youth and beauty all day every day.") or whatever. i know that i'm going to be terminally stupid until the teenager is at least 25, but maybe i can make a difference for someone else.

    so you're right, in a way. the source is something personal. i don't think that makes the message any less real, however. and while i agree with you that we should all strive to leave our personal problems at the door when we come to work, none of us are perfect people (with the possible exception of some teenagers i know) and sometimes we just can't do that. when that happens, i would hope that our co-workers could cut us some slack. when my father was dying and i was terrified that i couldn't find a situation for my mother who couldn't be left alone and my mother-in-law who also has alzheimer's had to step up to an increased level of care and we couldn't find the right place for her and the teenager was sneaking out every night to stay at her boyfriend's house and bringing home horrible grades and my husband totalled the car and my dog and my sister-in-law, my oldest friend and my father died all within the same four month period i know i was guilty of being brusque, short or otherwise imperfect more than once or twice. fortunately, my co-workers were aware of the situation and cut me a lot of slack. even the new grads. especially my own orientee.

    i'm not saying lateral violence doesn't exist. but i don't think it exists to the extent that some people seem to think it does, and i'm fairly certain that many of the people who claim they're being "eaten alive" have merely mistaken a preceptor going through a really rough period in her personal life or an educator who is weary of the same mistakes being made over and over without any learning taking place or the frustration of a manager who finds that every new hire wants every weekend and holiday off for bullying. or maybe they just think that every negative interaction or correction is bullying.
    or maybe not. this from the new york times. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/0...se-is-a-bully/
  12. by   Nancy N
    There reason why it is constantly said that "nurses eat their young" is because it is very often the case. And the ones who take offense to it are the ones who do "eat their young". So often as a nurse gets more experienced she gets angry, critical, harsh, cutting, even EVIL. so those of you who are neysayers keep your mouth shut for once and "ASSESS THYSELF'
  13. by   Ruby Vee
    [font="comic sans ms"]thank you for your input.