No Patient Should Ever Feel Embarrassed

[Bandaid08]

Nice article! I shadowed in an ER when I was 15. I was overwhelmed by compassion and saw such a need in healthcare to help care for others in our society. I have been working in healthcare for 3 years now and sometimes it scares me how cold and detached I feel. Your article brings to mind a very important lesson nurses need to remind eachother of!

[Char121]

"What the world needs now, is love sweet love". Thank you for being compassionate and caring. I am an LPN and my now ex-husband (was 59 y/o at the time) was hospitalized for HPTN, diabetes, gout. and more; made sure the nurses knew that I was a nurse and claimed that I didn't care. What he didn't tell was that I was caring for my 86 y/o mother who was dying and a full time student, did I leave out that he was verbally and physically abusive? I am an advocate for children, the elderly, and others not capable of caring for themselves. The lesson that I learned is those who are the most difficult to love, are indeed the ones who need it the most.

[rayson74]

i like this article, it remind me what should i do as a nurse.

[halabira]

i agree! they're just not feet. that's why everytime i take a shower and i clean my healthy looking feet with abundant blood circulation, i thank God remembering my patient's cold, dark, ready to retire feet.

[cursenurse]

It's sad that this pt was in such bad shape, esp when he had a qualified family member to care for him. The thing to remember is that you don't know what it may have been like for the daughter growing up. There may have been a valid reason for her not caring for him in his time of need. I know that with the things that I have gone through with my father, healthcare professionals will probably think that I am a horrible daughter for not caring for him when he becomes elderly. All I can say is that people definitely reap what they sow. If you haven't led a good life, don't think that people will go out of their way to help you just because you are old and feeble.

[trudeyRN]

I like that you could give unconditional positive regard to the patient while you eventually were able to give some benefit of the doubt to the daughter. As several have pointed out, we really don't know the whole story. It could be something as simple as a father's refusal to let "his girl" take care of him as though he were a child (though everyone in the situation can see that he needs help). Could be he was self possessed before his health was in decline, and this has not changed even though now it would be age-appropriate for him to accept help with ADLs.

[Shrader21]

that's awesome that you save that poor mans life and I am hoping some one can do the same for my mother she lives in Plattsburgh and the doctors diagnose she with temporal seizers

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

What a great reminder of why we do what we do!

Hopefully, this man will get some home health in to help him with his ADLs. Sometimes, the stubborn older man does NOT want his daughter (nurse or not) anywhere NEAR his ADLs.

While he is there, though, can the podiatrist come and see him? Can a CNA sweet talk him into a shower and shave? Will a family member bring some clean clothes?

Make sure he goes home with his urinal. Makes all the difference in him adhering to his Lasix, and not having to "get up and pee" every "two seconds".

Hopefully, you can get him feeling better, cleaned up, and on his way with some support at home.

[Dogswin]

I'm glad you felt bad for him, and your compassion is intact after time in this career, but what did you do about the situation? He clearly is unable to care for himself, that makes him an elder in danger. In NYS, this obligates us nurses to call APS and report it. Did you? Maybe he needs assisted living or visiting nurses. Perhaps more, you didn't state other comorbidities.

[CeciBean, ASN, RN]

I did 6 1/2 years in rural home health, and I've seen the other side of this story. It's very likely that the man was extremely independent and stubborn and didn't want his daughter looking after him, especially his personal needs. The people I cared for were intensely private to the point of prudishness and would not want a child of the opposite sex caring for their personal needs. If he had a son helping him, it might be different, but even then, he'd have to be about totally incapacitated. If he could be set up with a home care agency, it would be ideal, but at least a podiatry consult while he was in the hospital would be helpful, and as one person suggested, be sure he is sent home with his urinal. Also a social work consult might be helpful, to see if homemaking services or a change in living situation might be needed. He might or might not accept these, but it's a thought.

[Remimaco]

Just before my father died, he was hospitalized with liver failure. He had a brief because he was on lactulose and very weak. I would ask the nurses or techs to come change him, and I know what they were thinking. There I was, in my nursing school uniform, waiting to start my shift in the same hospital one floor down. Here I was, an able bodied capable family member.

Here's what they didn't know. Yes, my father and I had a complicated relationship. That, however, didn't matter much in his last few days. It wasn't as much about what I didn't want to do, but how it was not within our dynamic for me to see my dad like that. HE did not want that kind of help from his daughter. And I respected that. Im glad I did. He died 3 days later in hospice.

Im an NP now, of Women's Health. Maybe that experience shaped my choices some. Its hard to deal with death/dying/aging, and male-female dynamics. I applaud those of you working hard to help these men maintain dignity, and a relationship with their daughters that does not cross their own personally set boundaries.