No more Mr. Nice Guy (New Year Resolution)

[AZO49008]

Yesterday morning I accepted my last sigh, complaint, or roll of the eyes from a couple of the day shift RNs I report off to. I started a year and a half ago and these two were very unhelpful and unforgiving to a new RN. They clearly still think of me as a less-than-proficient RN, which, thanks to a healthy self-esteem, I know is not the case.

I usually let it roll of my back and forget about it. It's not worth getting upset over...besides that gives them the upper hand. If I don't respond to their little jabs, then they aren't getting any satisfaction, right?

Yesterday morning I had a fairly involved admit come to the floor at 0610. Due to computer glitch, patient was not in the system to enter the admission health history when I was doing it, so I did on a paper form and when I was done with admission at 0640 patient was still not on my system. At that point I had to give 0700 meds and prepare for report. I handed her the paper form with the health history on it and mentioned she would need to enter it. She flipped out. Didn't come out and accuse me of being lazy, but her inference was clear. Refused to enter the history. I entered it after report because I did not want to risk it not being entered. In hind sight I should have handed it back to her and told her that I did what I could, and if she chooses to not enter it that it will be on her hands and then emailed the director.

This RN as well as another one are habitually dismissive and haughty to newer RNs during report and I've taken the last of it. The next time this happens, I'm stopping report and in a firm but professional voice explaining that I expect the same degree of respect and professionalism that I give to them when I receive report from them. And if they don't like it, they can take it up with the director. I'm sick of this crap and it is going to cease in 2012.

[Roy Fokker, BSN, RN]

I don't have problems with my fellow RNs.

I DO have issues with some of my nursing assistants - asking them to do work, ANY work, is like pulling teeth...

Get off you butt and do your blessed JOB! Argh! Lazy people **** me off!

- Roy

[wyogypsy, RN]

If someone gives me attitude during report I stop, look directly at them, and ask if there is a problem or something we need to discuss. I am always nice when I ask this, and give them the opportunity to verbalize their feelings.

It is frustrating when you have worked hard all shift and then you get attitude about what you "didn't" get done instead of a thank you for what you "did" get done. I am much more willing to go the extra mile for my co-workers that appreciate it, and do the same for me!

[nursel56]

I'm usually one of the first to say that some of this "young eating" stuff is blown out of proportion, but I'm on AZO's side here. People like he's describing are cowardly. They do it because they can. This is different from the boss's best friend bully or the mentally ill bully or other varieties. I have a feeling it will stop when they get some pushback. When I've had to have the "enough is enough" chat with people like that I usually end up wondering why I took their crap for as long as I did.

Let us know how it goes!

[NightOwl0624]

I found it almost impossible to turn around a situation as the OP described. It's really hard to reverse behavior, but I agree that it can be done. The first step is deciding not to accept that behavior from anyone else, and to find the confidence to calmly confront the person right when it happens.

I never did get that confidence. However, I was able to transfer to a new unit where I could start from scratch. I established myself right away as someone who wasn't going to be pushed around. I also now have a manager that I trust and that I feel would help me if I did have to complain about another coworker.

Good luck to the OP - you don't deserve to work under those conditions.

[spencerma2]

I am in the process of retiring. Back in the 60s it was discussed how nurses could really be seen as PROFESSIONAL. Sounds like this has not happened. BUT I call it THE UGLY STEP SISTER SYNDROME. Seems way too many are more concerned about someone else getting more pay for less work and they constantly have nasty attitudes about pretty much everything except when the 'manager' is there. Way too many nurses have NOT matured past high school. Think about it... are they there to get the job done and be pleasant or ??? Sounds more like ???? Nurse are so darn ready to do the 'tattle tale' thing but there are also too many nurses who are sucking it up and living a professional life of misery. Too often it is whoever reports blah blah to the manager first is right!!! Besides being a product of our society as a whole, this is absurd behavior. What happened to 'team'? Why are nurses so much like MEAN GIRLS but yet have placed themselves into a caring profession but treat each other so poorly? Who is doing evaluations? What are the evaluations based on? I have notice the past few years a trend that I am very concerned about. It is that the nurse is now a hostess instead of a professional who has specific knowledge and skills to assist others in the process of getting well. Seems all the things that were fought for in past decades to be improved on have only gone backward. It is now more important to smile than to have good IV skills.... especially now that most IV are started in the antecubital space. Sterile technique has been lacking..... and if one says something the response is a bad attitude.. like 'oh whatever'. I am shocked at seeing so many nurses have poor skills in the areas that are so important to patient comfort. Ijust part of IMHO!!! I could on but the good, team oriented professional nurses will know what I mean. I worked hard to attain my skills and try to keep the patient comfort in mind. Rudeness and unprofessional behavior any where on the job should NEVER be tolerated. Too many tolerate it in the guise of: just trying to not rock the boat.

Where are the managers who do the evaluations? Where are the parents who don't teach their children basic politeness with honesty and caring for others? I am tired of being overworked and under paid let alone putting up with other adults who just never figured out how to play nicely in the sand box!!!

[ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN]

I am in the process of retiring. Back in the 60s it was discussed how nurses could really be seen as PROFESSIONAL. Sounds like this has not happened. BUT I call it THE UGLY STEP SISTER SYNDROME. Seems way too many are more concerned about someone else getting more pay for less work and they constantly have nasty attitudes about pretty much everything except when the 'manager' is there. Way too many nurses have NOT matured past high school. Think about it... are they there to get the job done and be pleasant or ??? Sounds more like ???? Nurse are so darn ready to do the 'tattle tale' thing but there are also too many nurses who are sucking it up and living a professional life of misery. Too often it is whoever reports blah blah to the manager first is right!!! Besides being a product of our society as a whole, this is absurd behavior. What happened to 'team'? Why are nurses so much like MEAN GIRLS but yet have placed themselves into a caring profession but treat each other so poorly? Who is doing evaluations? What are the evaluations based on? I have notice the past few years a trend that I am very concerned about. It is that the nurse is now a hostess instead of a professional who has specific knowledge and skills to assist others in the process of getting well. Seems all the things that were fought for in past decades to be improved on have only gone backward. It is now more important to smile than to have good IV skills.... especially now that most IV are started in the antecubital space. Sterile technique has been lacking..... and if one says something the response is a bad attitude.. like 'oh whatever'. I am shocked at seeing so many nurses have poor skills in the areas that are so important to patient comfort. Ijust part of IMHO!!! I could on but the good, team oriented professional nurses will know what I mean. I worked hard to attain my skills and try to keep the patient comfort in mind. Rudeness and unprofessional behavior any where on the job should NEVER be tolerated. Too many tolerate it in the guise of: just trying to not rock the boat.

Where are the managers who do the evaluations? Where are the parents who don't teach their children basic politeness with honesty and caring for others? I am tired of being overworked and under paid let alone putting up with other adults who just never figured out how to play nicely in the sand box!!!

amen to that

[AprettynewRN]

Don't let other people live rent free in your head. Their sighs and eye rolling are not harming you, and confronting it will not change their attitudes even if they stop sighing quite so loudly. By engaging them you give them more power and then you automatically lose. Just state your business and go on about your happy life and leave them to whatever their lives hold for them without another thought.

Probably easier said than done but really good advice.

[tothepointeLVN, LVN]

Y'know my mentor once told me never to stay at my first job that my coworkers would always see me as the "new nurse" and that nurses that worked with her when she first started still looked at her as the baby nurse even 30 years later.

It's not secret that nursing favorite line is "Oh soso and so doesn't know anything" or words to that effect.

I'm always for not taking flack from others. Day nurses complain too much but forget they have the ultimate perk- getting to work during the day...

[Sehille4774]

Personally...and call me idealistic...but I am a quiet person..I like to go a good job..and I am always the first to be targeted by these types..(AKA why I sprung for the BSN, thinking that I would not be in that weak position and HAVE to take it anymore)

It really doesn't bother me anymore very much. I think the worse part is that bullying has made me slow to trust and befriend others. I know that their are nice people out there (ones who inspire and support others) and mean people. Period. I have not had much personal luck changing mean people...they are who they are, I believe.

But lucky for me...I am pretty much able to cope and manage no matter who I end up working with but one of my key statagies is to buddy up with the nice people.

I take a bit of a sick pleasure when I am able to be successful and love my job despite other's best efforts to get me down. :)

I also am a HUGE believer..that while life isnt always fair...in many instances, good things come to those who do right by other people and the reverse is also true.

My best advise is simply focus on doing excellent work for your patients..and dont waste a second of your time engaging in their game....Who cares what they think. If you are doing a good job..then feel confident that your actions will speak for themselves! And be supportive to others you find in your predicament.

Ha. I could see myself entering the patient info though...I would be afraid of someone intentionally leaving the info out of the system just to spite me (cause I guess some people do not care if they create a dangerous situation for the patient)

Shame on administration for often failing to be aware of what goes on at these units or looking the other way.

[AZO49008]

Thanks for the comments, and even though I wasn't soliciting them, thanks for some of the suggestions. I was more or less just blowing off some steam.

I hope I didn't make it sound like I was working in a den of misanthropes! It's just two RNs out of about 30 on the day shift. I've never encountered the behaviors I described from any of them but these two. I actually work in a very supportive environment, with both a good director and assistant director whom I respect, and who respect us. As a newer RN there have definitely been some "teaching moments" where during report RNs taking over have professionally pointed out things that I did or didn't do or things I could have done differently or more efficiently, and done so in a friendly, supportive fashion. I have no problem with that whatsoever, and as a matter of fact, I WANT that type of feedback

I've never been the type to run to the manager and complain about something or someone, and really have only ever done so once when a patient's safety was being compromised. I'm sure as heck not going to run to the managers over this...unless I get backlash from my confronting these two RNs. I actually bent the ear of my assistant director on this and told him very briefly "here's the deal, here's how I'm planning to deal with it so if one of them comes running to you, you know the rest of the story." He was cool with it.

Thanks again!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

there are a few things you can do:

1) complain to your num. write everything down that has happened, times, dates, incidents etc so the num has a hard copy. if u just go in & make a verbal complaint, they will ask u 2 write it down anyway. i wouldn't have put up with this crap from day 1 - but that's just my scottish nature (we are fearless and confront anything!) a hard copy also ensures you don't verbally forget anything, or that either party forgets the conversation later on (this is why i insist on emails).

2) take them separately into a room with no cameras or outside away from other people & tell them exactly what u think of their behaviour. i've had 2 do this in the past & it has always worked. they will bluster 4 a while & could possibly make ur life worse, but they will back down. tell the straight you will have no hesitation in reporting them, and will make a big issue out of this & go to hr and ur harassment team with the details. also wen confronting bullies do not react to taunts or threats, ignore what they say & continue with your diatribe re their behavior & what u will do about it, then walk away.

3) if anybody interrupts me during handover with sarcastic comments, i stop my handover & deal with it there & then. i say something like: if you have a problem with that, i need to know now. haven't had this very often though. and most mature people realise handover means handing over work that has not been finished, cos the shift has actually finished.

if you don't deal with something at the time it happens (know it's hard cos u get flustered & are busy maybe), the bully thinks they can continue 2 harass you and also think they have gotten away with it.

work sux enough without having to deal with immature, lazy, arrogant ayeholes to. and i would tell them 2 their face they were lazy, that their immature, childish behviour has been noticed & that it won't be let go.

a few sighs and eye rolling isn't hurting anyone. complaining to the nurse manager about that probably isn't going to help a thing, and doing as you suggest (taking them aside and telling them off) is bullying behavior in and of itself. if you want to talk to the nurse manager about your problems getting along with your peers, the first thing she's going to ask you is if you've talked to them before coming to her. if you haven't, she'll probably ask you to talk to them. if you tell her that you can't because they're bullies, she'll probably pay lip service to having you all get together with her for a talk. the "bullies" -- if they really are bullies -- have been through that before.

writing everything up is probably going to backfire, too. all of us can be written up for something if you look hard enough. if the op starts writing folks up, especially for something as nebulous as sighs and eyerolling, he/she may find himself/herself being written up for every tiny omission.

i'd make a point of being professional with them. if someone interrupts report, you can professionally tell them "i haven't gotten there yet" or "i'll be happy to answer your questions after i finish" or whatever. if you must call them on their behavior, do it professionally and address the behavior, not how you feel about it and not what you think they think.

i've almost always been able to back down a bully without resorting to bullying behavior of my own. there have been a few times when i couldn't, but there are difficult people in every job.