New Nurse, Sinking deep.

sauconyrunner · May 13, 2012

I think you need to not worry if anyone is talking about you or not. People talk about people. you know that so keep your head down, a low profile and do the work. Offer to help when people need help and move on.

I moved to a department once where I had experience. People hated me for 6-8 months. no one would talk to me, and I did hear the nurses talking about me. I had a great deal more experience than most of them, which apparently caused jealousy. I kept my head down, did the work, offered help when they needed help and suddenly, after 6 -8 months, i was accepted.

What helped me was that I had friends and activities outside of work to focus on. You may need to find a church, or a volunteer activity outside of work (I recommend not related to health care) where you can meet some people, make some friends etc. It will make things easier.

IF however, your really hate nursing, you might as well get a different kind of job...because well, your patients did not ask to be admitted (usually) and they deserve someone who minimally wants to be in that profession. (We all have bad days, but you need to want to be doing what you do.)

Hang in there. It can be hard to be separated from family, and friends. You can do it.

ldiva0808 · May 13, 2012

Thank you for your insight. I just feel like being culturally and racially different, the other nurses look at me like I dont know anything. talk about me and when I enter, they disperse like I was born yesterday ( and these are 40+ year old nurses with families). And honestly I really dont care because I have gone to school, passed my boards , i know what i can do. but It pities me, and disappoints me that this is what I am going to have to deal with probably for the 9 months left here, and that this is what nursing really is like, they should have prepared us for the B.S. I am positive that bedside nursing isnt for me Im not empathetic. i am a tough lover. i hate feeling sorry for people, because it depresses me very much, i look at myself in the mirror, and i just CANT recognize myslf anymore. Theres a sadness in my voice even when im kinda happy. Im sooo broken right now, everything is overwhelming me. i just dont want to loose myself in this stress before its too late. If this was a career I loved, i dont think I should be feeling this way right. Im now back to finding the connection I had with God that got lost 3 months before I got here, Im so busy worrying that I even forgot about him. :confused: :sniff: :bluecry1: :crying2: :cry: wow im too sad. it makes no sense, crying helps me sleep.

sauconyrunner · May 13, 2012

What you describe is exactly what happened to me at my last job...they would all be chatting and I'd walk over, and suddenly everyone had something to do. It is not YOU, and while it is them, it may have nothing to do with you. Some of them are not able to reach out to someone who is different from them...their loss, not yours. Some units are SO cohesive, they are not so great at welcoming anyone. It makes it un-fun for new people.

I actually think this has nothing to do with liking or not liking nursing...it's being in a really unfamiliar situation, with a less than supportive environment. When you are not happy at home or work, it's hard to tell. Some patients...they really need tough love.

You are stuck in a difficult situation. There are ways to make it better. Find a church, even if you have to drive a ways, find a place where you can be comfortable. A place where you can talk to people who are not connected to work. When you feel sad, its hard to get out and meet people ,but push yourself. It will be worth it. You don't know, Literally, what will happen tomorrow...

llg, PhD, RN · May 13, 2012

I am positive that bedside nursing isnt for me Im not empathetic. i am a tough lover. i hate feeling sorry for people, because it depresses me very much,

I find this contradiction in your post intriguing. You say you are not empathetic ... prefer "tough love," and hate feelidng sorry for people. And yet, that is exactly the kind of caring you are reaching out for here.

Perhaps you can learn some valuable life lessons from this experience. You want people to be strong, do all the right things, and help themselves ... and you are now unable to that without some caring compassion from strangers on the internet. Is there a lesson there for you?

As a previous poster said, if you truly hate the work of nursing and taking care of people ... switch careers -- because your patients desever better care, care from a nurse who is compassionate and caring -- who can deliver the kind of care that you now need.

However, if you are actually OK with the work of nursing itself ... and the problem is just that you feel isolated, alone, and unappreciated by your coworkers ... then you'll need to be strong, pick yourself up, and make an effort to build a life for yourself. Engage is some hobbies, social activities, etc. outside of work to give yourself a break from the sources of yoru stress. Don't spend all your off time sitting around alone feeling sorry for yourself. Get up and get moving. Eat right, exercise, rest -- and engage in some fun activities to bring some relaxation and joy into your life.

Your loneliness is temporary. Make a plan to get some pleasure into your life outside of work and the time will pass much more pleasantly -- and you will be a stronger person (and better nurse) because of the experience.

I've moved around a lot in my career -- mostly to places where I didn't know anybody. It takes a while to settle in, make friends, etc. Give yourself a chance to do that by making the effort.

applewhitern, BSN, RN · May 13, 2012

I don't think that you don't like nursing; you simply don't like the environment you are in. Hang in there, and get your years experience! Don't let them take away your joy! There will be toxic people everywhere. Remember that old saying "small people talk about other people; average people talk about things; great people talk about ideas." It doesn't matter what race/culture you may be, there are people who will talk about you because that is simply the kind of people they are.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · May 14, 2012

Cultural diversity is PRIZED in the medical community. As is a 4 year degree.

My thoughts are .. as you are in a new setting, you are perceiving the environment as hostile.

In order to succeed , you need to obtain insight into these issues .. from someone in your facility.

If you have an Employee Assistance Program available, enlist their help.

You are WAY off base on your perception.

Don't give up so early on your career because you are in a new environment.

JetBlitz · May 14, 2012

Loneliness is definitely something you have to deal with primarily. Humans are social creatures and we need to physically interact with others or else we'll feel boxed-in.

Definitely find friends outside of the hospital setting, quick! Not necessarily to spill your feelings with them, but to connect with them, build relationships and bonds, so you have something to look forward to after your shift is done.

If you are church hopping, make sure it's a solid church that has gatherings on other days of the week so you and your new friends can hang out. Get to know the pastors and let them know your struggles; they are there to console and guide you.

Also, I don't believe you hate nursing - why would you put up with 4 years of stress and cleaning up gross things? For the money? I don't believe nurses get paid well enough to put up with the financial constraints that hospitals are imposing.

The floor does seem toxic. A mixed race unit is definitely sought after nowadays. Don't let your race be an issue; let your skills stand out!!!

If they gossip, let them gossip but do not let their negative comments affect your care to your patients. Your patients need YOU to help them; they did not ask to be there and most likely they are scared, too.

But if their comments start affecting your work, definitely ask Human Resources for help/look for that Employee Assistance Program that Been there,done that has mentioned.

Do your work well, and help your colleagues, too, EVEN if they do not help you. Don't gossip back or try to buy their friendship by acting like them --- you gave up your friends and family to work in a place you are not familiar with, you should feel accomplished!

Remember: to take care of your patients well, you have to know if you are not felling well, either.

ldiva0808 · May 14, 2012

thank you so much. i will work on finding some friends outside of work, it will help, and i needed to hear that part you said i gave up my my friends and family to work in a place i am not familliar with, because i did, and i should be make the best of the time i have. thanks so much jetblitz.

ldiva0808 · May 14, 2012

it's sad but its very true. I guess that is the reality of things, it's just annoying that I left everyone and my life at home to come experiece this but as another commenter said, that is something to be proud of, and I will try and see that as a great accomplishment in myself. Thank you so much for your feed back.

BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN · May 14, 2012

I can identify with the homesick part if I am reading in between the lines correctly. I travel most of the year away from home and family, and have recently lost my wife to a divorce. All I can say is I learned to be my own best friend, and to be dependent only on myself for the responsibility of how I percieve my current situation, mood, and feelings.

I decide how I am going to feel today. I decide what mood I will be in. I decide whether I will see the positive side or negative side of every situation during the day. I control my thoughts at night when all is quiet, and I am trying to sleep. I love that right now, I am have absolutely NO responsibility for any other human life beyond me when I clock out in the AM's.

That said, a lot of forces out there tempt me to be in a bad mood, angry at my situation, and the urge to wallow in self pity- but I do my best to shake it off, and enjoy being alive, "Right Now." One way I do this, I always have something to look forward to- even if it's small. I look forward to getting off work, and taking my dogs for a walk on the beach, or working in the yard or garden. I exercise more than ever.

On dealing with gossip, and small talk, I NEVER voice ANYTHING I wouldn't say to your face. Everything you say negative about someone has the most awesome speed and INACCURACY of returning to the subject of your conversation. (and it's usually 10x worse when it gets back to them). Worse- you can never take it back.

If I could say ONE thing that you would remember, NEVER say negative things about a co-worker. It won't make you feel any better. It won't solve the situation. It won't make that person any better to work with. I won't build a bridge, just burn it. It won't make you fit in any better- these same staff members will talk about you when you walk out of the room. My best advice is diversion when they start the gossip lines, and works well. If you can't, just don't make any agreements, or any statements that could implicate you in the discussion, beyond a listener.

I hope you get to a better place in your current situation soon. Time has a way of making bad situations ease, and I hope you start enjoying your time spent in your facility better. Try to see the good in each employee. We spend more time with our colleagues, than our own families.

Best of Luck!!

:redbeatheBoston

ldiva0808 · May 14, 2012

Honestly I am not asking for pity here, Im asking for advise, and for someone to give me an insight if incase I am over emotionalizing or over stressing, or overthinking. I can't progress with people feeling sorry for me, i can progress with people helping me face reality of things so i can make real decisions. . If patients want to complain to me about being in the hospital too long, but ask for help in things they can do like reach for their water pitcher, how can I stand there listening to you complain of hating being in the hospital. and not wanting to walk, because you dont feel ready. And maybe its just me being so annoyed already being here by myself away from family, and fustrated with moving from a life where i had people around me, things to do and fun laughter to a pplace where everyone is miserable, and the state has nothing to do but go to walmart who knows. its why I came to this sight to get some help. But thanks for you input.