I have been a nurse a little over half a year. I started working night shifts in the ER (7p-7a) in mid December (I worked in the ER prior to that so I knew what I was getting into). Since then, I have gained 25 lbs, I sleep up to 18-20 hours a day when I am not working, and I despise going to work. I have lost all desire to do anything on my off days. I feel ill all the time. I have withdrawn from everyone, my friends and family, because I don't want to bring them down. It's so bad many times I wish I would have a car accident on the way to work. I'm careful only because I don't want to hurt anyone else on the road because of my stupidity and self-centeredness. I have never been this depressed in my life. My co-workers are mostly ok, the work is hard of course and we're always busy and understaffed, but usually I deal ok with that when I am at work. So far, my state of mind has not affected the care I give--I am actually getting the hang of things at work and have received compliments from the higher ups and other nurses on how well I am doing. If they only knew what was going on inside.Could it be just working night shifts? I really think working night shift has messed with my mind. Unfortunately, there are no earlier shifts available. I did tell my manager when I started that I have always been a day person and to please keep me in mind for a day position when one becomes available. I thought, I would pay my dues. I thought I would be fine after I adjusted, but my mental and physical health are at the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I am already on anti-depressants (not working) and I had my physical recently (nothing unusual except for a depressed WBC count). Am I just too weak? Should I give it more time? It's only two months, but instead of improving, I am getting worse, having thoughts that would get me involuntarily committed if I ever told anyone in the ER about them. Should I talk to my manager and beg her for a transfer? My ER has no day shifts, but two of our sister hospitals do. The problem is my dept paid for this internship program and I agreed to stay with them for a year. At the same time I don't think I will make a year in my current state of mind. I tell myself to snap out of it and quit the pity party, but it's not working. I hate that I feel so mentally weak. Any words of wisdom or advice would be appreciated. I am desperate. Thank you.