New grad RNs: Do you hate nursing already?

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I switched from my previous career to pursue nursing and now I'm beginning to wonder if I had made the right choice. I've always had an interest in health, the medical field and I love helping people so I thought nursing would be a perfect "relatively quick" switch to a new profession. I was 26 at the time and I knew I eventually wanted to start a family.

But boy, I didn't realize those past 3 years of nursing school would entail compromising my emotional and mental health. It was the bane of my existence. I was so depressed, sometimes suicidal and my boyfriend made me seek therapy. It didn't help to talk about my feelings. In fact, I think bringing attention to it made it worse. My coping mechanisms have always been to ignore issues, compartmentalize and major denial. It's helped me manage through my past.

So finally, I'm a new grad day shift RN working on a cardiac progressive care unit. It's been almost 6 months and I'm beginning to really dread going to work. I didn't want to do med-surg because I wanted a challenge and now I'm beginning to regret it. At work, I'm so overwhelmed and I have so much to do that I never take breaks and I eat really late lunches. And even then, I get interrupted during lunch. Sometimes I feel that people who are not nurses don't understand how physically draining it can be and mentally draining to deal with egotistical medical professionals. The culture of the hospital doesn't allow for low self esteem and perfectionist individuals such as myself.

I feel myself burning out quickly. I worry about my emotional health because I'm beginning to feel the same way I've felt in nursing school. I'm starting to use food to comfort myself, I walk around with an empty feeling inside and sometimes when I'm pulling meds for my patients, I've considered taking some to numb myself. Now it's spilling into my non work days. I don't have the energy nor inclination to do anything.

I'm torn between wanting to quit to avoid spiraling down the depression path again versus not wanting to quit so that I don't look like a quitter to my family and friends. But I am one of the lucky ones whose significant other makes enough to support the both of us but I do not want to be a housewife. I've worked so hard to get where I am today, I worry that our financial security may not always be there and we're planning to have a baby soon.

I feel so alone and empty inside. I moved to Florida to be with my husband and I have not had time to make friends here. I feel so naïve and wish someone had told me that nursing is tough. Had I known what bedside nursing would entail, I may not have pursued this avenue. I wanted to reach out to fellow nurses and get your take of your first year and any advice that you may have for me. Do all nurses in their first year feel this way? What are some ways that I can cope in a healthy way?

Thanks for listening.

That is the purpose of flooding a market by employers (hospitals) - which affects salaries of all nursing positions. Management is also using that term during performance reviews where they tell their employee "no raise" but "be glad you have a job." There are 500 applicants desparately wanting your job, so watch your step....

What can nurses do? GET THE WORD OUT TO YOUR NEWSPAPERS, LOCAL TV CHANNELS - THERE ARE NO JOBS. The nursing schools still have ads on TV urging innocent victims to go to school for nursing - "that's where the jobs are." It's not true.

Otherwise, there is nothing anyone can do that I can see. Once there aren't 500 applicants standing in their office wanting your job, is the only time the working conditions will improve. How else can you stop being mistreated? Employment at will. Hmmm, FORM UNIONS? WHERE ARE THEY - I'LL JOIN!!!!:idea:

Specializes in Ortho/Peds/MedSURG/LTC.

I love these post today!! Yes I agree THE MARKET IS FLOODED!! Market that! Tell everyone..TELL EVERYONE you know!! And IF ( IF ) a hospital is hiring..they will recruit you, with song and the big girl dance.. "we love new nurses" and they do orient you with genuine smiles ( I truly believe they were real :jester:and fun times during orientation..we even ate lunch during orientation- now say "what's lunch?" ha ha) then, after 3 months 36 work days, as my teenagers say "they put you in a hell hole"..:devil:.your own your own, and you'll get the crappy patients of the night, because your the "new kid on the block"...so, we are hiring. It is because...If we can get someone to quit or get fired..we get a new cheaper nurse:nurse:..(hey, that cuts our cost)...and we get a helper:nurse::nurse: to help us do some of our work- giving us a much needed break, because "they have do to learn". I am being sarcastically real here. We agree to work under horrendous conditions on a nightly basis, unbelievable conditions. They give us sick days we can't use (or be terminated):crying2:, they cost contain us (lost wages) when the census is low, they change the rules all the time (how many folks would watch a football game if the rules changed on a monthly basis?). We keep all these "occurrences" in our file..which makes you feel grateful that the institution you work for.. are gracious enough to not fire you today. We can't take "vacations" like we want to because of "understaffed". (If you quit - they don't have to pay for your vaca - without a two weeks notice) If you ask to be transferred "you aren't good enough". Glory, Glory, I went through all that nursing school hate, owe money to the slavemaster for my schooling,..and I have landed a good paying job! 19-20 per hour at night (wearing me out/aging me more in three years than in the past 10 years of my life) Lesson: if you don't like nursing school...the work place in a hospital is very very similar..but somethings ya just have to experience on your own. I am finishing up my one year experience in Med/Surg (its been a challenge!! nightly learning, experiencing new things) (esp. how to pull the knife out of your back without bleeding everywhere) (lateral violence is so real-but they can not help it-its a way to "vent") The float pool nurses hate our floor. After reading some post..6 patient load isn't bad, hip surgeries, leg surgeries, anesthesia fuzzy brains, peds, gastro-intestinal..moaners, groaners and vomit comets. One nurse per month - QUITS! or worse GETS FIRED!! (which scares the others and picks up production and shuts up complainers, cuts expenses...and even worse your mantra, remember this, is "at least I have a job")are you smiling YOU should be! :) IF YOU HAVE A JOB. Last night we did not have a CSA, we did vitals and emptied garbage and foleys and took all our patients to the restrooms - on top of post-op vitals, calling doctors, writing orders, admits, passing meds,...and the worse part charting to COVER YOUR :eek:..because our nurse manager encourages:mad: "write em up!!" for anything.:mad: wet briefs?! (its ok you did not check those briefs after you took report this am, with 3:nurse::nurse::nurse: students helping you, for almost two hours..it must be the night crews FAULT that he urinated 800 cc's in his briefs.. ..I'd write that night nurse UP :mad:!..for what? ARE YOU STUPID??!! SATURATED BRIEFS..overflowing saturated briefs!! making a patient lie in saturated urination..what in tarnation!) NOW I take pride in taking very good care of all my patients, as the saying goes "like FAMILY!". errrr grrrr I love my patients so much, you'd think I owned the place, for example last night.. I did not begin charting until after midnight, because of patient comfort care, and listening to them, and reassuring them "we are there for them and we do care" (I'm not a robot..I am the Care Bear.. trying to learn to be a robot, because I'm learning being warm, fuzzy and caring..is putting me behind).(beside's I thought patients would care back..most EXPECT better care than we give, some say thank you everytime, some are frequent flyers and the hospital is there only vacation destination (they get waited on hand and foot without complaint! or a big bill when the govn.is paying...I'm just saying)..we do computer charting..and the cya part takes so much time..charting..charting for prying eyes,:smokin: attorneys, investigations:smokin:.. that you TURNED THOSE PATIENTS q 2 hours, changed their briefs, checked those neuros, etc etc etc etc..I was panicing, fingers flying, typing like a mad squirrel, but I got it done. Somehow I getting it all done after a years experience. And I am clocking out about 7:30 am (which will probably come up on my evaluation() but I rush rush..push myself..feeling the adredaline, (.it takes every working second)..and with all that adrendaline pumping through my veins. (when does that Cushing Sydrome Nurse move into my body? the lady nurse with the broad shoulders and little bottom..I got the hairs growing on my chin already) I crash when I get home...nobody's as tired as a nurse, physically, mentally worn completely OUT...the CYA CYA..(the day nurses love to go back take a read, the "nursing notes" from the night before, and if they can write you up for "brownie points" (from a boss encouraging it)..stirring that hate pot..(and I ask FOR WHAT GAIN YOU STUPID NURSES?? Get someone fired other than yourself?) I have never worked with "robots", as I have with this career, not many "friends" gained at the hospital, no feelings, blank stares, everyone rushing dodging each other trying to accomplish so much work on a very long shift, so very well stated, that don't care for their fellow workers..don't give a rats patooty for each other...as hard as everyone works. If you smile during report its assumed that you did not work very hard.They will make it there mission to stomp your little light out. .NOT ME.(I smile through the pain, no need to complain, and do everything I can possible do :nurse: my momma taught me "working hands make work light") If you stumble over words after a 12 hours shift..its assumed "she doesn't know what she is talking about" and the pot stirring witches write you up....(No you idiot..my brain is faster than my mouth after a 13-14 hour shift with little rest) Every single one of us try to outdo the other, and someone will always shine brighter than the rest - for the so called invisible "brownie points" from the boss ( THE SHINERS . DO GET THE NEW TRAINIES) Its our nature, we were the best students in school, we strive to be perfect, nursing work is never done, and sometimes our best - ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH we beat ourselves up, we get written up, but we don't give up, we are not quitters!!...I cry all the time. I saw a new nurse just off 3 month orientation...(who BTW was so happy during orientation..and chatty and sweet..like we all were at one time)...bawling and squalling, to the point of knee bending, stomach holding, wiping her tears so hard I thought she was going to make bruises on her face, beside wrinkles, her face was so red, she could not look me in the eye as she vented. She was completely overwhelmed because she said NOBODY would help her, she had two patients from surgery back to back..families hovering/orders waiting/patient hurting/vitals being taken../ meanwhile 3 other patients are hitting that call light "I need my NURSE!" I was listening to her, putting myself into her shoes, trying to take report from her, desperately wanting her to not quit, she is so sweet, such a good person, and told her as well as I could put it at the time. She went on to say "I'm probably just not cut out for this, how do I tell my husband how difficult this job is, how uncaring everyone is, I feel so alone, so stupid, I can't do this, I just can't do this!!!..I tried calming her done..I told her I still cry..I am getting faster ..I explained "nobody helps because they don't have time..they want to help you..but its difficult.." Be glad you can stay over and get overtime ...for now. She stayed overtime into the night (with a baby at home waiting for her mommy)..and charted through her tears and quietly left. The mean nurses went around gossipping "she isn't going to make it""ohh and I liked her sooo..""what's wrong with the new chick?""ha ha..been there done that" I thought you hang in there, I really felt badly for her, there are STILL things I don't know how to get done quickly like chart auditing (yes we do that too)..I thought hang in there sista ..come back tomorrow is a new day, you will do better. Dang it that Orientation is so much fun, you have two nurses working together..a dream job..I went home on cloud nine every night singing "I wuv my job , I wuv my job.." No papers to write, two patients all day, teamwork, nursing is great, nursing is G R E A T whoo hooo...I love my hospital I wuv my fuzzy wuzzy new friends....then when they turn you loose, with hollow words of "we will help you when you need it" (and you actually believe them) Your dream job nursy world falls apart.. New things come at you on a nightly basis, some nights its a tsunami, you feel that panic, you feel like your drowning, you can't breath, (I hear my boss now, you aint taking a break or eating dinner..its all your own fault!!)...your drive drains, your blatter is FULL as you scoot slowly behind granny gown inching to her bedside commode...(sigh) you aren't as nice as you wanted to be having to put in the 2nd IV that someone , disembogulated from surgery, has pulled out, or someone is demaning pain meds and meanwhile two disembogulated are pulling on foleys, or IVS, and family members have left them all alone...and nobody can give you 5-20 minutes to go in and do something you aren't comfortable with. Your walky talky is going off "YOU HAVE A FOLEY OUT IN ROOM 2 and there's blood all over the floor in 3 their IV IS OUT" "CLICK" "SILENCE"...(breathe..don't forget to breathe)..you wonder can I ask someone for some help..you shake it off...and press on...To admit or ask to many questions puts a HUGE SPOTLIGHT in FLASHING RED on your forehead "lots of stupid here"...I thought as I listened to her I think I have post traumatic nursing syndrome going on here. I listened to her sob and told her to vent on me, give me her patient load, wish me luck, finish charting and go home and rest. I won't write you up for anything..I'll just tell you about it the next time I see you...(you always go home thinking someone is going to write me up..and replay everything you did during the last 13 hours..questioning yourself could I have done things differently or better??) WHAT A CAREER!!..I did not complain that her reports were horrible, I did not dwell on the fact I was getting my game on LATE, I did not write her up. I was there in her shoes just last year...I told her it'll get better...and I still cry in frustration of missing a doctors scribbled order..(but then I get proud when I get them all)... its not that I am getting all the high accuity patients...its that I need to learn how to get in those patients rooms, "GET ER DONE"..like a robot?..and GET out. We have this new hire, right now we have about 5 in training, ..he drives almost 80 miles ONE WAY..he put in applications all over the state...no jobs. NONE!! he says "there are 500 new applicants everywhere". I myself have been on 3 interviews for other jobs, with no luck, they want one to two years experience for homeheath. AND about 200 other applicants were wanting the same job. I love my job..not the load. Nights are crazy - one half of your patients may sleep, there are less CSA's, and we have been through 3 HUCS this year..someone said we may have to learn that too...I say ENOUGH ..its putting too much responsiblity on the nurses..you may not have as many families asking for cokes, ice, taking time away with lots of questions...or doctors sneeking in their horrific handwritten orders, that take 5 nurses to read$$...hey hospitals..YES it takes 5 nurse 5 minutes to decifer American Doctor Scribble - Docs should have to dictate every single order if they don't have good penmanship. period. (save money/lawsuits cost/team decifering costs) whooo...I feel better now. I love you all and love this site. Who needs a shrink when I have this?? Time for a cookout!! hugs for those who feel my pain..you are NOT alone! sorry ...so long..hope you liked :nurse: Never stop paying! ramble on!!

I completely disliked my first three jobs as a nurse. I started out on a cardiac step-down unit with pt's of an incredibly high acuity level that were truly beyond a new nurse's scope of knowledge. I know that some nights (I worked 11-7 or 7p-7a) I would carry up to 12 patients. So, switching to nights, might not truly be the answer. I dreaded going to work, and was truly hating life in general. I didn't get suicidal, but was very depressed. I thought that I "had" to do everything just so...and that it sure seemed like I was never going to get it all together. The other nurse's seemed to be more organized, get it all done, and didn't seem to be stressing as hard as I was. It wasn't that I was not an intelligent person. I graduated with a 4.0, and trust me, I know that doesn't mean anything when it comes to how good a nurse you are going to be, but I knew I had the ability to learn and the desire to do well. I eventually moved on to a job in an ER...then to my current job where I have been for 2 years. I love it. I actually do not dread going to work and look forward to it. I didn't think that I'd ever be able to say that. I just KNEW I had picked the wrong career. I now charge on the 7-3 shift on an acute behavioral medicine/medical floor at a hospital. Never would have guess that this would have been the area for me. I'm still incredibly busy and feel like everyone needs my attention at once, but somehow, I am just better at this area. Keep your options open, and don't force yourself to do something that you aren't enjoying at all to meet a standard you have set for yourself. Good luck and don't give up on yourself!

This is the kind of scenario that your educator should have warned you about. If you feel like its too overwhelming, first see if you are able to transfer. I think med-surg is a great way to build esteem and experience. I just started in jan on a medical telemetry floor and I love it. Second talk with your manager about your feelings if he/she is approachable. Maybe there is a breakdown in the teamwork process that doesn't allow you to get your breaks in as you should. Third, if all else fails get your PTO days and take a very much needed vacation. To end you sound like an emotional wreck, nursing school is made tough because in the real world sweetie as you know it is. Examine your feelings and weigh what matters more your patient or egotistical MD's. Hope you feel better.

Specializes in ER.

We need to shoulder the world. ...you give so much more in nursing than you will ever be compensated for. Honestly, I do feel sorry for you.

I'm SO sick of having to pick up the slack for those who can't "COPE". I HAVE to cope....because if I don't, there isn't anyone else who can. I understand how "tough" it is......I've been doing this for over 18 years. I'm SO SICK of those-who-can't cope, calling in sick, getting notes from their MD, When they call in for their oh-so-frequent mental health days. I am the one who has to work short. AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm oh so sick of working short because someone goes into this and two years later, they are overwhelmed.I'm overwhelmed. Last night I sent an 80+ to emergent surgery...her daughter was alone, and terrified. I couldn't spend the time I should have with her....because I had to work short...AGAIN. I'm sick of giving crap care to my patients because some haveNOOOOOOOOOOO work ethic . Enough is enough, and I'm getting grumpy now.

I felt exactly like you when I worked in the hospitals. I also live in Florida (Jacksonville). I have worked for the FL Dept of Health for Children's Medical Services as a case manager/care coordinator for 6 years -- 8:30 - 5:00 no nights, no weekends, no holidays. I get Sick time and annual Leave, also insurance and benefits. I hated working in the hospital. I don't know where in FL you live, but Children's Medical Services is all over the state of FL. Good Luck!

its a shame you new grads feel this way! hope it gets better

Another solution that may work for you is going to part-time, since your spouse makes enough to support this change. This was to option I went with a few yrs ago and its worked out great. I love nursing and using my skills to help and educate people but was getting burnt out doing full time for 15 yrs (ER night shift). I would find myself counting down the hours I had left to get ready for work and feeling emotionally drained before I even got to work. I found myself snapping at things that were beyond my control and dwelling on it for hours. I felt isolated in my feelings and stopped doing things for myself because I was so mentally drained.

Now that I work part-time (3 twelve hrs shifts a pay period), I am able to go to work feeling refreshed and new every other week-end. I find I am more helpful to my co-workers and to my patients because I am now taking care of me. I only wish every nurse were able to to work these type hours and still make ends meet. I do help out co-workers and cover shifts for them to help out now and then and admin likes this as I am never in overtime. Its a shame to lose good nurses totally and this may be something to think about.

Toq

Hello,

First of all I am very sorry you are feeling this way, I know how overwhelming of a feeling anxiety and depression can be. I think you should definetly seek professional help--You would be amazed about how great you feel, when you can say how you really feel OUTLOUD and to total stranger, without the fear of judgments-- this can make a world of difference!! Here are some other sugesstions that I think I would do if I were feeling how you feel :) I would keep a Journal (I know that sounds silly) but again its proven when you can express your feelings of anxiety and thoughts--it can actually somewhat improve your mood. I would also try in that Journal to express at lest 2 to 3 things that make you feel happy or good, or something that made you smile at some point in the day. Also, if you are really feeling that this job is the very thing that is making you miserbale--quit.. there is no time like the present (if you can afford it :) If you think it may be the job, and you can't afford take some vaction time...at least a week and take that time for yourself, and decide if not going to work-- is decreasing those awful, unhappy thoughts and feelings. I would also suggest, doing things for others in a positive way that would really make you feel good about yourself. For instance, take a day and particpate on Meals on Wheels, where you deliver food to Seniors. I think you will be amazed how much it lifts your spirits, and makes you feel good, to just help another person (without all that Hospital Stress). The last thing I can really suggest is get some good for the soul books, I like to read Tuesdays with Morrie--I know that it may seem like a sad book, but really there is some incredible information in that book about how to live your life to the utmost and how to love yourself. I like to write down certain quotes from Morrie, and when I am feeling gloomy refer to them, and remember that you only get one life to live.. Anyways sorry about the rant--but I hope that doing some of these things can help reduce the massive cloud of anxiety, and unhappiness. Good Luck to you my friend!

Specializes in Pedi.

I am a new grad as well and new to this website, so I apologize if I hijack your help for a minute.. the instructions told me to try to use a thread already started instead of a new one..

I am also feeling pretty hopeless with my new job. I could not even get a hospital job to begin with and took a job in sub-acute rehab/LTC. I am struggling very much with a 2 week orientation and 20 patients I am responsible for. They are fairly acute, too much so for a 20:1 ratio. I am terrified everyday that something will happen to a patient or I will lose my license for something.. I feel like a fish out of water. On top of it, I work 3-11 most nights of the week and miss my husband terribly. I almost feel like I am losing myself..

I'm not sure what to do... I have only been at my job for a little over 2 months.. I am thinking that maybe a clinic job, school nurse or something similar might be a better fit for me, but feel like I will not be able to get one because I have no experience. I am in MA and the jobs are tight.. just like everywhere else I guess.. A question I have is whether or not I should even try to apply to another job now.. and if I do, should I even list my current job on my resume?

I have been trying to get used to the job but I cry everyday before I go to work, the nurses gossip, the DNS obsesses over paperwork instead of patient care.. it just doesn't seem like the environment I want to work in. I don't even mind being paid a little less.. it is worth my sanity...

Specializes in Medical-surgical.

I'm a career changer, new nurse, starting month 5 of med-surg nursing. Working through lunch on a 12+ hour shift, catching up charting at the end of the shift, turning more than a few things over to the next shift with a bit of embarrassment, and waking up in the middle of the night thinking about work, are all things familiar to me as well. Here are a couple of items I hope will add, or reinforce, the insight related to this thread:

1) I feel this is the most important thing for new nurses; look around. Are the nurses with more than a year of experience consistently dealing with the same issues as you are now? I look at the crew on my floor, I see the experienced nurses managing 6 patients with effort, but also with grace and sure handedness. They also go home on time. I feel a new nurse can get there if they keep their head in the game, remind themselves why they're there (I want to do meaningful work), and keep studying and learning from others. The odds are with you, those nurses all had a first year as well; they made it through.

2) Having a good working environment. I don't have to deal with the "nurses eat their young" mentality. I have an excellent director and management team that has assembled good teams of nurses. If this is not the case for you, then try to figure out where it exists either in your hospital (as near as I can tell, every manager/floor is different culture-wise) or in another one.

3) On a personal level, as told to me by a senior nurse, an emotional support network or an effective (meaning restorative and constructive) coping strategy is vital for a new nurse. Figure out what's worked in the past when you've had personal challenges, or try some new things such as counseling if the old strategies don't work out.

Thanks to the post-ers for insight. Good luck to all.

Welcome to Nursing....

20:1 - wait until something happens and you get blamed for it. Oh, what a happy day that will be....

Doctor's office sounds better for you. Good luck.

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