I switched from my previous career to pursue nursing and now I'm beginning to wonder if I had made the right choice. I've always had an interest in health, the medical field and I love helping people so I thought nursing would be a perfect "relatively quick" switch to a new profession. I was 26 at the time and I knew I eventually wanted to start a family.
But boy, I didn't realize those past 3 years of nursing school would entail compromising my emotional and mental health. It was the bane of my existence. I was so depressed, sometimes suicidal and my boyfriend made me seek therapy. It didn't help to talk about my feelings. In fact, I think bringing attention to it made it worse. My coping mechanisms have always been to ignore issues, compartmentalize and major denial. It's helped me manage through my past.
So finally, I'm a new grad day shift RN working on a cardiac progressive care unit. It's been almost 6 months and I'm beginning to really dread going to work. I didn't want to do med-surg because I wanted a challenge and now I'm beginning to regret it. At work, I'm so overwhelmed and I have so much to do that I never take breaks and I eat really late lunches. And even then, I get interrupted during lunch. Sometimes I feel that people who are not nurses don't understand how physically draining it can be and mentally draining to deal with egotistical medical professionals. The culture of the hospital doesn't allow for low self esteem and perfectionist individuals such as myself.
I feel myself burning out quickly. I worry about my emotional health because I'm beginning to feel the same way I've felt in nursing school. I'm starting to use food to comfort myself, I walk around with an empty feeling inside and sometimes when I'm pulling meds for my patients, I've considered taking some to numb myself. Now it's spilling into my non work days. I don't have the energy nor inclination to do anything.
I'm torn between wanting to quit to avoid spiraling down the depression path again versus not wanting to quit so that I don't look like a quitter to my family and friends. But I am one of the lucky ones whose significant other makes enough to support the both of us but I do not want to be a housewife. I've worked so hard to get where I am today, I worry that our financial security may not always be there and we're planning to have a baby soon.
I feel so alone and empty inside. I moved to Florida to be with my husband and I have not had time to make friends here. I feel so naïve and wish someone had told me that nursing is tough. Had I known what bedside nursing would entail, I may not have pursued this avenue. I wanted to reach out to fellow nurses and get your take of your first year and any advice that you may have for me. Do all nurses in their first year feel this way? What are some ways that I can cope in a healthy way?
I am sorry to hear about your struggles, however I think you should be happy that you even have a job. Many of us new grads still can't find employment - so suck it up and know that there will be 500 new grads willing to take your place should you decide to quit. Hang in there, you can do it.
Excuse me, did you say you did not want to do med/surg because you wanted a challenge? What planet are you from? If you are overwhelmed by progressive cardiac you would not stand a chance in med/surg.
500 new grads waiting to take your place. Exactly the problem. I wish you luck too, but the hospitals and nursing schools flooded the nursing field. It's broken. She feels empty and wants to self medicate due to her working environment... I guess you could try a different unit before throwing in the towel, but med-surg is not easier - it's just different than cardiac. A lot of ICU nurses won't work med-surg because you are run ragged. But - you never know, the group of people you work with could make all the difference. Different units have different cultures due to the employees that make them up. It doesn't sound like she has any support on her unit, or she wouldn't feel so empty. Six months is long enough to figure out it is not the place for you.
Checking out your place's EAP would not be a bad thing. You sound like you have a lot going on...and not just at work. Having a different perspective & someone to talk to who can direct you or help you would probably be beneficial. Starting out my first year, I went directly into the PICU (cuz I liked the challenge) & was frustrated & upset. I ended up transferring over to a peds floor with multi-specialty as well as gen peds cases & I have been extremely happy ever since. Just because you are now a nurse doesn't mean that you will be happy in any nursing position. You may want to talk to your managers/nurse educators (or other support people available to you) to see what other options you have. They want to have RNs who are good fits for the unit and the patients. Med-Surg does get a bad rap at times, but I have several friends who went into that right out of school & love it. I also know of several people who started out in a med-surg area & then after they get their own rhythm down, they move over to a more challenging unit.
I am in my 1st year of nursing. I started my first nursing job in June, 2009, so it is soon to be one year. Yeahhh!!!! As I was reading your post, I was really sad for you but also strangely hopeful. I will try to explain. While this is a second career for me as well, I understand the complexities of joining a career a little older than most. I think it gives you a unique perspective. I am sure you have been scared to death of making a mistake, I know I have gone to work feeling that every day. It isn't that I don't feel like I have a learned alot, but there is just so much to know and it becomes abundantly obvious every day. It sounds like you, like me, are very aware of that and are trying to give the best patient care possible. Not that everyone else isn't, but some people are a little more anxious than others. As others have said, please don't take any medication or anything else. You will regret it and you know you aren't that type of person.
I chose Med-Surg because all my instructors told me it was beneficial to get a solid foundation and I feel that I have certainly gotten that....plus some! Maybe your floor isn't your cup of tea! Rather than changing career fields, maybe change floors if you have can. I have been contemplating a change myself. I was very interested in cardiac but felt I should get some med-surg experience first. It sounds like you are a caring, worrisome person who is feeling some anxiety. I am sure there are many nurses that you work with that have felt the same way, yet strangely, no one wants to admit it. Like it is a failure. I think it is refreshing to admit that you have these feelings. Good luck to you! If anyone tells you they love running to work every day, skipping and smiling...those are the ones that I would worry about!
My first year was absolutely horrid for me. Now almost 4 years later, it is improved, but let's face it, floor nursing is physically and mentally taxing, requires much multi-tasking (which experts are questioning may lead to early dementia!). I'm not sure what you did before nursing, but if you're comfortable with computers and the IT part of the hospital, you may consider nursing informatics. It's an up and coming field in nursing.
BTW, not sure what you meant by you didn't want to go into med-surg because you wanted a challenge??? I take a little offense to that.
Definitely try EAP or finding a therapist on your own...I'm also a second career nurse, and my first "life" was in psychology. A lot of people avoid getting help from a therapist just because they don't know how the therapist would be able to help them, but they forget that if they knew how the therapist was going to help then they wouldn't need to go to them in the first place! If you try a couple sessions, and it doesn't seem to be helping, try a different counselor, that one just might not be a good fit.
As for your job...look for a new one! There are so many different kinds of nursing jobs available. Yes, there might be a lot of nurses competing for them. But it is ridiculous for people to tell you to stay in a job you HATE just because you feel like you should be thankful to have a job. If you hate your job, you won't be performing your best, and why would the hospital want to keep you employed if you're only doing the bare minimum? Talk to the nurse recruiter at your hospital and see what other job openings are available that might be a better fit for you.
I knew coming out of nursing school that I would be miserable doing pretty much any kind of bedside care, med-surg or otherwise. So I made a point to investigate other options, and was able to get a job in a pediatric OR. Then, after I had my son, I was able to get a job where I get to work from home, doing pediatric phone triage. It wasn't easy to get either of these jobs, I had to make myself 'look better' than all the other applicants. For the OR job, I did that by setting up observation days at several of the local ORs, and by joining AORN to show I was serious. For the phone triage job, I took an online pediatric ER certification course so that I could show the dept manager that even though I didn't have the experience they were asking for, I was capable and ready to learn. I didn't get the phone triage job the first time I interviewed, but they remembered me 6 months later when another position opened up, and THEY called ME to ask if I was still interested. It can be done.
Big red flag - considering taking patient meds to numb yourself - please get help.
Sometimes a job is just not right for us. I worked in a nursing home and absolutely hated it. I dreaded going to work, I cried in frustration a lot, and it chipped away at my self esteem. I got a job in home care and absolutely love it. I have time with my patient to do what I need and am not rushed.
Find a job that is right for you. If you have family support, that's all the better. Good luck.
I really feel your pain, I too, am feeling the EXACT same way (geez reading this post felt as if someone was reading my mind). In fact, I have read the replies yet, but I'm going to print them out and read them in a couple of minutes to see if anyone out there has some good advice. Right now I feel so trapped b/c of the student debt I've accumulated.
Anyways, my advice to you would be to pray (if you believe in a Higher Power, and ask for guidance. I know it may sound hokey to you at your age, but I've found throughout my life when I was at my lowest - it worked - and He usually has answers that any mortal could have dreamed of).
I think the move to a new area without friends can definitley fuel the fire of depression when work is stressing you out. Continue with therapy but also MAKE the time to get out and socialize!
I would tell you to look into another nursing position. I have a friend that worked in the Hospital for years but just recently moved over to Home Health. She does alot of wound care and follow up after surgery etc. She LOVES it. Tons of autonomy and freedom.
Best of luck to you. I know better times are right around the corner for you. Be proud of your accomplishments and persevere!
ADtoRN, I am glad you opted to place a post. Here you will find nurses that have been or going through similar sitatuations. I have yet to graduate, in fact I have to repeat Med-Surge 1 and on the part time track in the school I am in that has set my graduation date to one year more, so I will graduate in 2012. However, I come here and read the posts and find that I am learning a lot by reading different things. I agree with the posts that you find a good therapist and the idea of you finding a co-worker that you can relate to would be great, go out, have coffee or happy hour and talk to release and vent. I would hold having a baby for now until your mental state is better. I am in FL (South Florida) and though not a nurse yet, and I am extending my hand and ear, just let me know I am at aol.com under SensualBlissInFL. Good luck.
I became an RN as a 3rd career choice. I was in my late 30s. I knew I did not want to do bedside nursing. I already worked in a hospital as a Resp. Therapist.
I did outpatient nursing. Worked for a large orthopedic group, after-hours clinic, Interventional radiology dept, assisting with breast procedures/biopsies, cardiac stress lab, CT/MRI procedures.
Look for another position in nursing, there is so much available out there and you could use your nursing degree to further your education, go on for a Master's or Doctorate down the road.:)
SparkleRN
77 Posts
I am sorry to hear about your struggles, however I think you should be happy that you even have a job. Many of us new grads still can't find employment - so suck it up and know that there will be 500 new grads willing to take your place should you decide to quit. Hang in there, you can do it.