I switched from my previous career to pursue nursing and now I'm beginning to wonder if I had made the right choice. I've always had an interest in health, the medical field and I love helping people so I thought nursing would be a perfect "relatively quick" switch to a new profession. I was 26 at the time and I knew I eventually wanted to start a family.
But boy, I didn't realize those past 3 years of nursing school would entail compromising my emotional and mental health. It was the bane of my existence. I was so depressed, sometimes suicidal and my boyfriend made me seek therapy. It didn't help to talk about my feelings. In fact, I think bringing attention to it made it worse. My coping mechanisms have always been to ignore issues, compartmentalize and major denial. It's helped me manage through my past.
So finally, I'm a new grad day shift RN working on a cardiac progressive care unit. It's been almost 6 months and I'm beginning to really dread going to work. I didn't want to do med-surg because I wanted a challenge and now I'm beginning to regret it. At work, I'm so overwhelmed and I have so much to do that I never take breaks and I eat really late lunches. And even then, I get interrupted during lunch. Sometimes I feel that people who are not nurses don't understand how physically draining it can be and mentally draining to deal with egotistical medical professionals. The culture of the hospital doesn't allow for low self esteem and perfectionist individuals such as myself.
I feel myself burning out quickly. I worry about my emotional health because I'm beginning to feel the same way I've felt in nursing school. I'm starting to use food to comfort myself, I walk around with an empty feeling inside and sometimes when I'm pulling meds for my patients, I've considered taking some to numb myself. Now it's spilling into my non work days. I don't have the energy nor inclination to do anything.
I'm torn between wanting to quit to avoid spiraling down the depression path again versus not wanting to quit so that I don't look like a quitter to my family and friends. But I am one of the lucky ones whose significant other makes enough to support the both of us but I do not want to be a housewife. I've worked so hard to get where I am today, I worry that our financial security may not always be there and we're planning to have a baby soon.
I feel so alone and empty inside. I moved to Florida to be with my husband and I have not had time to make friends here. I feel so naïve and wish someone had told me that nursing is tough. Had I known what bedside nursing would entail, I may not have pursued this avenue. I wanted to reach out to fellow nurses and get your take of your first year and any advice that you may have for me. Do all nurses in their first year feel this way? What are some ways that I can cope in a healthy way?
Thank you so much for writing this. I am still a student and I already worry about what is going to happen to me/with me in my first year. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time and I pray that things get better. One of the main ways that you can help yourself is by seeking out a therapist. Many won't talk about it, but I see one regularly. She helps me to see things in a more healthy and realistic way. I work full-time and go to school full-time, and my night job was making me feel so angry and depressed. However, I am better able to cope with my streeses, and my husband no longer thinks that I'm going to choke anyone or go "postal"! Lol! There were times that I cried and wished that there was a way to end it all, but thank God that I wasn't able to do anything. I still struggle everyday, but I feel totally hopeful and in charge of my emotions, and feel confident that I will persevere, as I feel you will too. As others have said, I am not sure about bedside nursing, however I do want to try it for a year to get my feet wet, so to speak. But it is not for everyone. Please find a job that you like, and keep your head up-there are way other things for you to do with your degree! Hugs and kisses! :redpinkhe
I am also a new-grad nurse, started in July 2009. I feel exactly like you do some days. I work on the "problem unit" of my hospital and the unit culture is unbelievably negative. I have more patients than I can handle, I'm often in charge, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and may kill somebody. I work med-surg at an underfunded inner-city hospital and usually have 8 high acuity patients and it is hard, grueling, emotional work. Med-Surg is VERY challenging because patients often present with problems of multiple systems that requires a lot of knowledge and management.
My job's really dreadful. I remember I didn't even want to accept the job I now have but didn't have any other offers. I talked to an old wise nursing professor of mine and she said, "just take it, you're first job isn't your last job!" So when I pass that golden "1 year of med-surg" mark I'll be out of my current position. I don't hate nursing. I love my patients, I love caring for people, and some days aren't even bad. But some units are just toxic and you have to get out before you burn out.
t I know a lot of people that have quit before their first year and gotten new jobs. If you're not happy, you owe yourself a change. There REALLY are many options in nursing, even if the market is tight. For now, I would take a vacation if you can, or even just a nice long weekend. Spend some quality time with your husband, and forget you are even employed. Then decide if you want to stick it out. Until then we're all praying for you from here. ::hugs::
I knew in nursing school that clinical nursing wasn't for me. I have been a nurse for 13 years now and only 2 of those years have been in a clinical setting. Clinical nursing isn't for everyone and that doesn't make you any less of a nurse. I have worked a variety of jobs within the insurance, case mgt, and quality areas. Non-clinical roles still draw upon your nursing knowledge, just in a different way. If you absolutely hate what you're doing, start looking for other opportunities. There are many options with a nursing degree. Good luck to you.
You sound like you need to take a leave work and seek therapy. You can't help others if you are not first taking care of yourself. Have you considered anti-depressant therapy? Sorry for your pain- but *you* need to take care of *you*.
Glad to hear you're forging on for now. Exercise can be a great mood elevator, and I suggest you give EAP a try. I think you'll find it more helpful than you think. Good luck!
Hi! I'm a nurse from New Zealand. I nursed for about 10 years in various fields including medical, mental health & drug rehabilitation, and then had children. When my first born was 2 years, I went back to the hospital and found that I no longer had the patience or the energy to deal with the hospital environment. I nearly quit nursing all together, but thankfully before my practicing certificate was obsolete, I scored a community nursing job in youth drug rehabilitation. I now work 20hours a week and am finding the balance really good. The job is very pleasant and nothing like the pressure you feel in the hospital. The good thing about nursing is that there are so many different fields you can work in. I encourage you to try some other types of nursing before you have children. Your skills/knowledge are invaluable many places other than the hospital.
Thank you for sharing with us about your current situation. And to the rest of you who responded. I too am a New Grad, recently found a job (PRAISE THE LORD), and will be starting an 18 week residency program on Monday. This allows me to know that there are options when times get hard, and that I am not alone.
I really wish you all the best, and although I don't have much nursing experience - I believe in the POWER OF PRAYER! You CAN and WILL make it through this difficult time. Out of all the posted suggestions, try the one that will work best for YOU. But you definitely need to work on YOU, before you worry about anything nursing - Nurse Yourself Back To Health! Please remember that there isn't a testimony without a TEST. This too shall pass! The devil wants you to do things that will harm yourself, but don't let him win. If you don't know God, get to know Him. I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers.
Some scripture you may find encouraging: Psalm 6; Romans 8:31-39; 1 John 1:4-9; Psalm 34... To name a few... I have many more where that came from, so feel free to message me
i definitely agree with switching to nights. i am a new grad (dec '09) who started working in my unit, a cardiac icu the week after my finals. i had started out orientation on 12 hr days shifts but i was just starting to completely dread going to work and was pretty miserable as well. i knew that i was switching to nights eventually because that is the shift i was hired for and after speaking with my boss we decided it would be a good idea for me to switch to nights early and i am so much happier. (it could also be due making more money, paying off my car, and dating someone new , but i am completely positive the change of pace at work had a lot to do with it! it has only been a few weeks and the sleep schedule is a little strange, not quite what i'm used to, but i actually want to go to work now.
I know you asked for comments from nurses and I am not even a nursing student but at one time I was really depressed and suicidal. I had therapist out the butt and didn't find any help. Just so much medication I was a zombie. I don't know how you feel about God and faith, let me apologize if I offend anybody, but when I went back to God my depression was taken care of. The prayer from friends and church members brought me through some really dark times in my life. Please, I'm not saying or trying to get you saved, I just know it worked when nothing else did.
Just my opinion, please don't hate me for what I believe!
I am sorry to hear about your struggles, however I think you should be happy that you even have a job. Many of us new grads still can't find employment - so suck it up and know that there will be 500 new grads willing to take your place should you decide to quit. Hang in there, you can do it.
This is the prevailing theme at my place of employment. Well, at least we have a job!!! This attitude drives me crazy and explains why nurses are at the bottom of the totem pole. I swear, even the maintanance man at my job can discipline nurses. Nursing was a second, well 3rd, career for me. I am most taken back about how nurses allow themselves to be mistreated. "Well, at least we have a job!!" So, what if the job is toxic and sucking the life out of you.
If I were you I would agree with the above posters and contact EAP. There are most likely resources available to you. I also believe in the power of prayer!! If GOD brought you to it, HE will bring you through it!! I have been a nurse for 2 years in May. My first 6 months was extremely hard; I was on transplant ICU, and it was horrible. Thankfully my mom was also on nights at an affiliated hospital and we were able to commute together. I would literally get into the car and start bawling. She kept talking about how great her unit was which is cardio surgical med surg unit. I transferred here and it has been GREAT; wonderful nurses, awesome patients. I was extremely depressed on TICU, would work my 3 days then sleep a 4th day. I stayed on days when I got here and love it. I would find a therapist and pray about it; especially since you sometimes think of taking meds to numb the pain-that would be detrimental. Good luck, and feel free to keep in touch if you would like someone to talk with!
, but i am completely positive the change of pace at work had a lot to do with it! it has only been a few weeks and the sleep schedule is a little strange, not quite what i'm used to, but i actually want to go to work now.
I swear, even the maintanance man at my job can discipline nurses. Nursing was a second, well 3rd, career for me. I am most taken back about how nurses allow themselves to be mistreated. "Well, at least we have a job!!" So, what if the job is toxic and sucking the life out of you. 
CDeniseGo
50 Posts
Thank you so much for writing this. I am still a student and I already worry about what is going to happen to me/with me in my first year. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time and I pray that things get better. One of the main ways that you can help yourself is by seeking out a therapist. Many won't talk about it, but I see one regularly. She helps me to see things in a more healthy and realistic way. I work full-time and go to school full-time, and my night job was making me feel so angry and depressed. However, I am better able to cope with my streeses, and my husband no longer thinks that I'm going to choke anyone or go "postal"! Lol! There were times that I cried and wished that there was a way to end it all, but thank God that I wasn't able to do anything. I still struggle everyday, but I feel totally hopeful and in charge of my emotions, and feel confident that I will persevere, as I feel you will too. As others have said, I am not sure about bedside nursing, however I do want to try it for a year to get my feet wet, so to speak. But it is not for everyone. Please find a job that you like, and keep your head up-there are way other things for you to do with your degree! Hugs and kisses! :redpinkhe