i am a new grad rn who started work recently. i was going ok at first, i really enjoyed it, and felt a sense of accomplishment that i was making a difference to peoples lives. but recently it all seems to be falling apart, i feel that i am going backwards and getting more incompetent by the day. there are moments where i feel totally utterly and completely lost and i really just don't know where to begin....and once the panic sets in, i fall to pieces.......after that it is all i can do just to make it to the end of the shift. i really don't care about what i'm doing, i just want it to be over.....i start with one pt, and eventually find something i don't know how to do, one of the meds, a dressing, or whatever, so i just leave that pt for the moment and move on to something i can do for the next person, until of course the same situation arises in the next person, and i just move on the next and so on..... eventually the only things i have left to do in my shift are things i don't know how to do, and i panic, and the shift gets worse and worse and worse as i go.
i'm not usually a tearful person, but would find myself in tears during each shift, even over the slightest things. it was an awful week this week, i couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, i was just so stressed and i hated it....there were so many times during the shift where i just feel like walking out the door and never coming back.. the worst bit is i get so focused on the "things" i have to do, i almost forget about my "patients." the only way i make it to the end of the shift is by telling myself that i will resign tomorrow and never have to come back here.
i have called in sick 3 times in 3 weeks (once i didn't even call, just didn't show up) because i just couldn't bring myself to go to work. i feel so sorry for my patients. i really don't know what i'm doing. they ask me questions and i haven't got a clue how to answer. and when i get home i start to remember all the little things i forgot to do, or should have done.....all the other new grads are doing so well, and there really are no excuses anymore for my inability to be a good nurse.
the other staff are so nice to me, and this stresses me out even more. even when i do stupid things they just tell me its ok. but its not ok!! i should know better. they think i am a good nurse (or so they told me)....and really i am not! i am terrified they will find this out eventually...i know it shouldn't matter so much what others think, but it really does......they have such high expectations of me, and have spent so much of their time trying to help me, and i don't want to disappoint them. they all help me so much. they help too much, i should be able to do things on my own, but don't seem to be able to get through the shift without an enormous amount of help from the other nurses. i even had a student rn working with me this week who was 10 times better at the job than i was. i couldn't have got through the shift without her help. this is very wrong as i was supposed to be the one teaching and helping her, not the other way around. i really don't know how i even still have a job. people keep saying that i'm a good nurse, that i just need more confidence, etc.......i don't understand how they can say this after they see how hopeless i am and all the stupid things i do??????? i really have started to hate the job, or at least i hate that i am no good at it.
i wish i could go back to my old job as a nurses aide. at least i knew what i was doing and i enjoyed it, and at least i felt i was giving competent care to my patients. people told me all along i'd never make a good rn and i really should have listened. i suppose i just didn't want to face the fact that i really am not cut out for nursing, and i still don't want to face it or else i would just resign and get it over with. you probably cant tell from this post, but i really do love nursing. i really don't want to give up, is there anything i can do? any hope i will get better at this job? or should i quit while i'm ahead?
Please stick with it. I felt the same way when I started; I thought about what I'd gotten myself into and that i'm never going to learn everything. And the truth is that not everybody knows everything and never will. I learn something new all the time. I have only been a nurse for a year, but I will tell you that with time you will feel more comfortable and confident. I still have days that can be stressful and I feel like I'm overwhelmed, but nursing has so many rewards that I stick with it. Hang in there. What you are feeling is normal. Good luck!
I have to tell you quite honestly that it is NOT unusual to feel this way, ESPECIALLY with nursing. It can be scary and overwhelming. So many things to remember. So many things to worry about...I recall feeling much the same way, often. Please reconsider...Take a couple of weeks off or at least a couple of days...TALK to people. FORGIVE yourself for not being perfect and try to treat each day as an adventure and not a liability. When I teach patients I remind them that it has taken me over 23 years to amass what knowledge I have and so I don't expect them to have to recall everything..I also let them know that no question is unimportant, that I learn something everyday STILL...I try to treat each new experience both with patients and nurses as a gift so that I can best utilize whatever info they may have to impart. Possibly one of the most poignant and momentous things a patient has ever said to me occurred very early in my career when I was feeling much the same as you described. This was an elderly non compliant diabetic, cardiac patient whom I had been doing primary care on the time he was hospitilized. On discharge day while idealistic me was at the elevator spouting what he should do upon discharge to maximize his health and such, he took my hand gently in his, held it briefly against his cheek, looked into my eyes and stated simply, "Listen to me." " You are an nice girl and will no doubt be an excellent nurse someday but NOT if you don't listen to your patients." I was perplexed. I thought I had thoroughly listened and paid attention. Thought I had done everything I could possibly do for him...Then he quietly added. "You can't save everyone." "You have to accept that I and many other people are just going to do what we are going to do." " It doesn't reflect upon your level of care or concern. It just is.."
I finally HEARD him....As I watched him get into the car to go home, I knew I had to accept a valuable lesson....You can't do all things or be all things for all people...You can't be a good nurse until you accept that not everyone conforms to the rules or your degree of care. Take some deep breaths and go back in...Maybe see a therapist and talk about your stressors. I have had to along the road....The nurse can't be a good one if he or she doesn't nurse his or herself...Rarely do we believe that until we are feeling overwhelmed. It has never been easy to be a nurse. Maybe that is why most of us do it..Who knows. YOU can do this but you need to forgive yourself if you decide that it isn't what you want to do....Learn from people...If you don't know something, say so. You will be respected more for asking than for not...People do want to be of help. Be honest...Learn Learn Learn.
If, after all that, you decide it still isn't for you, forgive yourself and move on...Because the short time you spend being a nurse enriches the rest of us and every patient you have. You touch them all in special ways you could never imagine.
Perhaps someone was feeling that no one understood their plight, and then YOU walked into the room and somehow made them feel better or safer..Perhaps you made someone laugh or question themselves. Perhaps you made someone angry enough to fight with you and in doing so , fight for themselves. It isn't always pleasant being a nurse, but it is always important. The slightest nuance counts. Try to focus on those sorts of things for awhile instead of the tasks. Those will always come...When I was in nursing school, on the phone in tears to my dad begging to come home because I was sure I wasn't cut out for the stress, he simply asked me if I thought it would matter to a dying patient, or one who had obviously benefitted from my care or involvement, if they cared a whit whether I had a D or an A in chemistry, or if I hadn't fininshed the rest of my assignment, or was behind. They don't care about that. They care about themselves and the impact you have upon them. Sometimes it is massive, sometimes not much at all, but always it is something..
Take care of yourself....Hang in there, and thankyou on behalf of all nurses ( many of whom who have been patients or family members of patients as well), for the time and attention you have committed to nursing and healing. We appreciate and honor you WHETHER or not you elect to continue....{{{{}}}}
I will add my perspective to your problem. I will echo what others have said....give yourself a little break! We all have moments of feeling inadequate. After all, we have a very important job, and life and death can be an issue, but it usually is not. I have been a nurse 31 years. I have taught college classes, worked ICU/ER, dialysis, PACU and home health. I have taught ACLS, CPR, been a preceptor, charge nurse, house supervisor, infection control nurse, risk manager and travel nurse. I have worked at community hospitals, and regional medical centers. I have worked with the doctor who literally wrote the book on "the heart". (J. Willis Hurst). I have delivered babies in the parking lot, been involved with hundreds of codes, evacuated patients during a hospital fire, ridden on ambulances before there were EMT's or paramedics. I have helped ease the pain of childbirth and ease the pain of death, and you know what? With all the things I have done and seen, there are times I feel overwhelmed, inadequate and afraid that if people really knew me, they would realize just how scared I really was.
I recently started a travel assignment in the busiest ER I have ever been in, and was just feeling totally inadequate and stupid. I was keepig up but left feeling completely drained at the end of the shift. My husband put it all in perspective for me. He said, " how many patients do you have in one shift that, if you never did a thing for them, they would die?" I had to admit, very few, but it helped me think through things. I have always been somewhat of an "over achiever", but I had to realize that, I do NOT have to have everything done for the patient before the doctor ever sees them. I do not have to have the chart in perfect order every minute of the day, just when I finish it and turn it in. I do not have to stop doing one task, just to jump when a family member asks for a blanket. I must continually prioritize, complete one project and move on to another, then another. That does not mean I am not still busy, but it helped change my thinking. So, don't look outside yourself for your accolades. Look inside. Don't be so critical of yourself, and do what you can in the time you have. That is why we have different shifts.
Read nursing magazines, but don't try to learn everything all at once. Many things come with time and experience. Seeing something one time has a much greater impact than reading it a dozen times. Seek out new experiences, but don't be afraid to ask questions. Ask your co workers, your resource staff or the doctors. Don't be afraid to call the pharmacy if you have a med question, call x-ray if you aren't sure about a prep, call the lab if you can't remember what color tube that drug level goes in. Call respiratory therapy if you have a question about a nebulizer treatment. Call anyone you need to to get the answers you don't have. I believe Albert Einstein was quoted as saying, "Don't memorize anything you can look up.". You can't know it all and you can't do it all, but you can still make a difference. Hang in there. You sound like you are doing just fine.
WOW!
Please accept my sincere gratitude for posting your experiences in the field of nursing. You reminded me of what is important and renewed my pride in our great profession.
Like everyone else has said...you're a new grad! It can be very overwelming at first the responsibility that you have. Just take it day by day or even hour by hour. Ask your coworkers for help. It sounds like they are willing, which is a great plus for you. How much orientation to the unit did you get...could you get more? It will get better as you get a little more time to get a rhythm and your own routine of things. Good luck!!:)
Of COURSE you can borrow any line that might interest or inform you. Thats what I mean about helping each other and doing the best we can....And, thats what we are here for after all....Take care all....Martha
i am a new grad rn who started work recently. i was going ok at first, i really enjoyed it, and felt a sense of accomplishment that i was making a difference to peoples lives. but recently it all seems to be falling apart, i feel that i am going backwards and getting more incompetent by the day. there are moments where i feel totally utterly and completely lost and i really just don't know where to begin....and once the panic sets in, i fall to pieces.......after that it is all i can do just to make it to the end of the shift. i really don't care about what i'm doing, i just want it to be over.....i start with one pt, and eventually find something i don't know how to do, one of the meds, a dressing, or whatever, so i just leave that pt for the moment and move on to something i can do for the next person, until of course the same situation arises in the next person, and i just move on the next and so on..... eventually the only things i have left to do in my shift are things i don't know how to do, and i panic, and the shift gets worse and worse and worse as i go.
i'm not usually a tearful person, but would find myself in tears during each shift, even over the slightest things. it was an awful week this week, i couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, i was just so stressed and i hated it....there were so many times during the shift where i just feel like walking out the door and never coming back.. the worst bit is i get so focused on the "things" i have to do, i almost forget about my "patients." the only way i make it to the end of the shift is by telling myself that i will resign tomorrow and never have to come back here.
i have called in sick 3 times in 3 weeks (once i didn't even call, just didn't show up) because i just couldn't bring myself to go to work. i feel so sorry for my patients. i really don't know what i'm doing. they ask me questions and i haven't got a clue how to answer. and when i get home i start to remember all the little things i forgot to do, or should have done.....all the other new grads are doing so well, and there really are no excuses anymore for my inability to be a good nurse.
the other staff are so nice to me, and this stresses me out even more. even when i do stupid things they just tell me its ok. but its not ok!! i should know better. they think i am a good nurse (or so they told me)....and really i am not! i am terrified they will find this out eventually...i know it shouldn't matter so much what others think, but it really does......they have such high expectations of me, and have spent so much of their time trying to help me, and i don't want to disappoint them. they all help me so much. they help too much, i should be able to do things on my own, but don't seem to be able to get through the shift without an enormous amount of help from the other nurses. i even had a student rn working with me this week who was 10 times better at the job than i was. i couldn't have got through the shift without her help. this is very wrong as i was supposed to be the one teaching and helping her, not the other way around. i really don't know how i even still have a job. people keep saying that i'm a good nurse, that i just need more confidence, etc.......i don't understand how they can say this after they see how hopeless i am and all the stupid things i do??????? i really have started to hate the job, or at least i hate that i am no good at it.
i wish i could go back to my old job as a nurses aide. at least i knew what i was doing and i enjoyed it, and at least i felt i was giving competent care to my patients. people told me all along i'd never make a good rn and i really should have listened. i suppose i just didn't want to face the fact that i really am not cut out for nursing, and i still don't want to face it or else i would just resign and get it over with. you probably cant tell from this post, but i really do love nursing. i really don't want to give up, is there anything i can do? any hope i will get better at this job? or should i quit while i'm ahead?
sorry for the length of this post,
skye
hi
i am also a new rn, but not new to nursing, i was an lpn for ten years. but you sound like you have not been properly preceptored. i am just finishing up 12 weeks of orientation at a urban hospital setting. and even with my experience prior, i needed the guidance. so do you. tell your nursing administration your concerns. if they cannot accomodate you, find another job, they do not deserve your employment. remember to always take charge of your life. good luck!:rotfl:
Wow 12 weeks orientation? What is involved in your orientation? We were supposed to be preceptored for the first three weeks, then we are on our own. But it didnt quite happen that way due to staffing shortages etc. Still most of the other staff are very nice to me, and help me when they have time.
Skye
Hi
I am also a new RN, but not new to nursing, I was an LPN for ten years. But you sound like you have not been properly preceptored. I am just finishing up 12 weeks of orientation at a urban hospital setting. And even with my experience prior, I needed the guidance. So do you. Tell your nursing administration your concerns. If they cannot accomodate you, find another job, they do not deserve your employment. Remember to always take charge of your life. Good Luck!:rotfl:
Any good facility gives a new grad at least 12-16 weeks of orientation at the bedside, and that is AFTER she has had extensive classroom orientation. It sounds as if your hospital is not giving you sufficient time to get your feet wet. Aquiring nursing skills is a process and it takes time. Advocate for yourself. If your present manager will not accommodate youl then FIND ANOTHER JOB. Don't leave a career that is going to reward you after you have experience. being new is always difficult. Please do NOT juts not show up; that is very bad on your record. That's is most unprofessional. Stand up for what you need. Keep us posted.
We all go through something like this every day. Although I am an experienced nurse, I'm relatively new at my job as a nursing instructor so in a sense I'm a new grad all over again. I would find a mentor or your preceptor and talk about your needs, because at the rate you're going you're going to either quit or be fired (over absenteeism and no call/no show, NOT for incompetence!!). You need a lot of support and I hope you're in a situation to get it.
Of COURSE you can borrow any line that might interest or inform you. Thats what I mean about helping each other and doing the best we can....And, thats what we are here for after all....Take care all....Martha
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Chrislynn2003
285 Posts
Please stick with it. I felt the same way when I started; I thought about what I'd gotten myself into and that i'm never going to learn everything. And the truth is that not everybody knows everything and never will. I learn something new all the time. I have only been a nurse for a year, but I will tell you that with time you will feel more comfortable and confident. I still have days that can be stressful and I feel like I'm overwhelmed, but nursing has so many rewards that I stick with it. Hang in there. What you are feeling is normal. Good luck!
Christine