Hi everybody. I'm a new RN grad from a 2-yr. program. I know I'm not typical; no job ever comes easy to me. My bosses and supervisors have no problem with me, it's usually MY problem. I have low self-esteem, and have been fighting depression/anxiety my whole adult life...Why, then, would I go into nursing, you ask? Well, I love anything medical, and love to help people. I don't mind changing bedpans, cleaning emesis or any other body fluid. I especially like knowing I cleaned a wound so well that the next day it looks and feels better. I worked in the Recreation department in a nursing home for 13 years, and finally decided to go to Nursing School. School comes easy to me. I got A's and B's even though I worked full time. I even got 2 awards at pinning. I had warnings in clinical that I might not handle stress well, but I talked to my professor and she said I'm just over-cautious. I thought I'd be better off in familiar surroundings, so I stayed in my nursing home rather than try acute care. I had a 6 wk. "orientation" and then began working on my shift alone. My "orientation" was more like, "come in every day and we'll put you to work so you can get used to it." On occasion, they'd send me to a unit that was properly staffed, but the nurses took the opportunity to let me do the oppressive med-pass while they caught up in other neglected areas...More often, I'd be figured into the staffing, and then everybody would be peeed because they had to stop to help me. One night about 2wks into orientation, I worked Mother's day. Since it was a holiday ON a weekend, it was incredibly understaffed. I got really nervous and made a medication error. It was just a really late narcotic, and the other nurses said not to worry. I began to lose my confidence. :chair: Last Friday, I made another blairing error, and I don't know how I did it! I'm soooo careful, but I gave a resident her ambien from the wrong bingo card. (Same dose, but count was off). The oncoming nurse again said not to worry, but I lost even more confidence. I'm probably the only person who does all her checks, and I obviously am so distraught I can't focus. I cry on my way to work, then sit in the parking lot until my eyes are less swollen. I don't want to go any more, and tried to tell supervisors, even the Administrator (would you believe the DON position was phased out?) but they all said they know I'm conscientious and I'll be fine. I see a psychiatrist, but my appt. hasn't come up yet. I'm physically exhausted b/c I don't have time to sit or take breaks at work (too slow) and mentally exhausted b/c I constanty re-live my mistakes. I want to call in but I'm on probation, and the facility is so short that I feel guilty I'm making matters worse. Is there an organization or network of people who can help me? Maybe I shouldn't be a nurse, but I don't even know how to get out of it right now. Is there a genre of nursing I can go in, with no experience, that is less stressful but still rewarding? I'm desperate.