New Grad ready to quit...

[nelligolitely]

Hi everybody. I'm a new RN grad from a 2-yr. program. I know I'm not typical; no job ever comes easy to me. My bosses and supervisors have no problem with me, it's usually MY problem. I have low self-esteem, and have been fighting depression/anxiety my whole adult life...

Why, then, would I go into nursing, you ask? Well, I love anything medical, and love to help people. I don't mind changing bedpans, cleaning emesis or any other body fluid. I especially like knowing I cleaned a wound so well that the next day it looks and feels better. I worked in the Recreation department in a nursing home for 13 years, and finally decided to go to Nursing School.

School comes easy to me. I got A's and B's even though I worked full time. I even got 2 awards at pinning. I had warnings in clinical that I might not handle stress well, but I talked to my professor and she said I'm just over-cautious. I thought I'd be better off in familiar surroundings, so I stayed in my nursing home rather than try acute care. I had a 6 wk. "orientation" and then began working on my shift alone. My "orientation" was more like, "come in every day and we'll put you to work so you can get used to it." On occasion, they'd send me to a unit that was properly staffed, but the nurses took the opportunity to let me do the oppressive med-pass while they caught up in other neglected areas...More often, I'd be figured into the staffing, and then everybody would be peeed because they had to stop to help me. One night about 2wks into orientation, I worked Mother's day. Since it was a holiday ON a weekend, it was incredibly understaffed. I got really nervous and made a medication error. It was just a really late narcotic, and the other nurses said not to worry. I began to lose my confidence. :chair:

Last Friday, I made another blairing error, and I don't know how I did it! I'm soooo careful, but I gave a resident her ambien from the wrong bingo card. (Same dose, but count was off). The oncoming nurse again said not to worry, but I lost even more confidence. I'm probably the only person who does all her checks, and I obviously am so distraught I can't focus. I cry on my way to work, then sit in the parking lot until my eyes are less swollen. I don't want to go any more, and tried to tell supervisors, even the Administrator (would you believe the DON position was phased out?) but they all said they know I'm conscientious and I'll be fine. I see a psychiatrist, but my appt. hasn't come up yet. I'm physically exhausted b/c I don't have time to sit or take breaks at work (too slow) and mentally exhausted b/c I constanty re-live my mistakes. I want to call in but I'm on probation, and the facility is so short that I feel guilty I'm making matters worse.

Is there an organization or network of people who can help me? Maybe I shouldn't be a nurse, but I don't even know how to get out of it right now. Is there a genre of nursing I can go in, with no experience, that is less stressful but still rewarding? I'm desperate.

[Audreyfay]

Everyone has a different niche in nursing. And there are many. Not everyone is right for floor nursing in either hospitals or nursing homes. Taking care of that many people at one time is not easy. It's downright trying for even the most experienced. I had 25 years of nursing experience when I found myself doing agency nursing in Hawaii. I accepted a few shifts at a prison. My duty was to go from building to building passing medications for many inmates. I found myself rushed beyond my capabilities, and I've been doing this kind of stuff for 25 years in hospitals. The first day I had to pass the medications by myself I decided it wasn't the right job for me. I wouldn't accept assignments at the prison after that.

For those of us who need to be more careful because we are extra conscientious, that might not be the right place for us. I'm not saying that the others aren't conscientious. I'm saying that perhaps our personalities don't work well in that kind of "high pressure to meet the clock" job.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[MS._Jen_RN, ASN, RN]

My advice: Run for the hills, sister!!

You didn't get a proper oreintation, as many others have expounded on. You also sought help from those who should have been there to support and assist you and you got brushed off. There is stress in this feild and it varies from unit to unit and facility to facility, but I would hope that even in the worst places those who need it as badly as you did get support. There are places that are better than yours sounds. You stated pay and benifits as the reasons for staying, but most places have benifits-shop around. The toll this place is taking on you can't be worth it. Find a place that offers a supportive enviroment. It's a must for you.

I went through the depression/anxiety thing too, pretty severly at times. I know it can be paralizing- but don't let it suck your energy away. You can overcome this and find that light at the end of the tunnel. I just watched the new Batman Movie today and I loved a quote from it- "The reason that we fall down is to learn to pick ourselves up." go on honey- pick yourself up and make some changes that will enpower you to stay on your feet.

Best of luck :flowersfo

~Jen

[Wren]

Nelliegolightly.....

LEAVE NOW!!! You must for your self-esteem and professional development. Find a job with a good orientation program and don't even think about working in an area other than nursing!! You worked hard for that RN degree and you deserve a rewarding job in the field. There are many other jobs for nurses besides doing direct patient care. I hire and supervise nurses who work on the telephone doing patient education and they never have to pass a pill or work understaffed. Don't give up!

[porterwoman]

{{{{Nelliegolitely}}}}}

I have faith in you that you can stand up for yourself and request what you need from your employer. If they can't provide, I know you can find an employer who can. You really can do this.

Hang in there. You Can Do This.

[nurseinlimbo]

I know exactly what you are going through, I graduated 1.5yrs ago and have already been through 3 jobs. I started with 5 casual positions, knowing how health care was and how brutal nurses were, I knew that way I could get to know where I liked it best. I'm down to 2 jobs now (both casual) and while I'm overworked between them, I at least have some control over my own life.

I already know that I am not interested in working acute care. Not because of the work, but because I know that if I were this overworked, tired and stressed/burnt out in an acute setting I would be dangerous. I also don't take the abuse from the other nurses well. I have found that I enjoy my work much more if I only see another RN at shift change.

If nursing has taught me anything up to now it is that I will have to stand up for myself, not let anyone beat me down. I feel more confident in my abilities now than I did a year ago, and I'm sure that in another year I will feel better still. I've learned to say no, and mean it. I've learned to stand behind my decisions, admit when I'm wrong and let others know when I feel I'm not being treated fairly. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a B***** with a capital B, but I guess that's how ASSERTIVE feels, I've never been there before, so it's new.

[CHATSDALE]

don't throw out the baby with the bath water

you have invested time/money into getting this far

i am sure that you can transfer somewhere in the state[?] system and keep your benefits

a lot of other jobs have benefits or maybe you can keep the health benefits if you pick up payments until you have been on another job for a certain length of time

going back to rec director is NOT an answer you can't go forward by going backward

another facility will give you the orientation that you need to gain confidance

good luck

[nelligolitely]

I appreciate everybody's advice, and I really do want to take it. Unfortunately, with my depression, thinking about a new job is overwhelming. I'm going back to the nursing department tonight 3-11 after being off for two weeks. I have to repeat my probationary period, and I've lost some pay to being on disability. If I was at a new place I wouldn't have gotten paid at all for past two weeks...

I'm a nervous wreck and still can't concentrate, and to top if off I went for bloodwork last week. Now the doctor wants to see me; he says my "arthritis factor" is high and some other tests were questionable. I assume he means RA Factor, but my pain is in BIG joints, and I'm exhausted all the time - not s/s of RA. I know this led to last exacerbation of depression b/c I felt I could not physically do my job. I know I can fake it in Recreation, so I haven't ruled this out. I'll see how tonight goes and I have Dr. appt. tomorrow. I'll keep all informed.

Please don't think I'm a wimp for not leaving yet. Like a said, a new job would be daunting right now. I haven't ruled this out, either, but if the problem is me, I'm going to take it with me everywhere I go...