I am about to return to work on Thursday after an almost two year hiatus resulting from a ridiculous amount of medical problems. I was supposed to have started my new job a month ago, but have had the month from hell. First a miscarriage, followed by cholecystitis, then gallbladder surgery. I've been hospitalized twice more since then also.
To top it ALL off, I had a car accident last night and am lucky to be alive (according to the paramedics and cops at the scene). Due to a med I'd inadvertantly stopped taking, I had a small seizure and plowed into a parked car, which was luckily abandoned.
Sigh....I just don't know what to expect next. Needless to say, I'm sore today. No concussion, but I have a heckuva headache, a very bruised spleen and several internal contusions, etc. It could have been soooo much worse, and I thank God that I didn't end up dead or hospitalized yet again.
Anyway, back to my job- I'm worried to death about starting my new job on Friday. I am lucky enough to have gained employment with a reputable hospital who has been EXTREMELY understanding through all of this mess in the past month. I want to do a great job for them, but I'm nervous because I have been out of work for so long, and I had about 2 1/2 yrs experience in Labor and Delivery, so they hired me as an experienced nurse.
My concerns are: What if I dont' get enough orientation time due to the fact that I do have experience? What if I've forgotten a lot of what I learned during those two years? What if things have changed a lot in the past 2 years since I've worked? What if, due to the fact that this is a much higher risk hospital, I am embarking on a huge learning curve, even with my experience?
I've been crying all night, trying not to feel sorry for myself, but I can't help but wonder "What next???" I know the old hormones are not yet back to normal, I still have some pain and digestive problems post-chole, and the car accident yesterday just topping it off- well, I feel more than a little depressed and overwhelmed.
Someone please reassure me that I can do the job that I signed on to do starting on Friday. I really want to impress the heck out of my nurse manager, and I want to truly earn the money that my family so desperately needs from me in my paycheck. (All of this, of course, comes after my first priority- my patients, who deserve the very best nursing care that they can get.)
My anxiety regarding my job is literally keeping me from getting any type of sleep at all. I think part of it too is the fact that while I loved night shift at my former hospital, when I switched to days we were severely understaffed and I had the witch from Hades as charge every time I worked- not a good situation to be thrust into day after day, no matter how much you love your job.
Well, keep me in your prayers if nothing else please. I really could use them.
