Needing some hope.

Twoyearnurse · Oct 6, 2014

Hi! Welcome to the site! Yes your license is currently encumbered- but it wont always be provided you follow your program. School may have to wait as I know the programs in my state require an unencumbored license to apply. I also intend to try my masters but that will have to wait.

Fear for me is BIG. I stand in my own way at times because of it- you and I just need to keep pushing. You will find a job- it may take time and you may end up in an area of nursing you never imagined yourself to be in. Here's the good news though- many many nurses find those restriction friendly areas very fulfilling. And like your new found home in sobriety- it will be better and more amazing than you expected.

I am on the verge of getting my contract and returning to nursing. I get frightened of how people will react to me. When I get scared I look back at every step I have made and how each step I was terrified- investigators, nursing board, treatment, my family- and I am in absolute awe of how gently and warmly I was received. A lot of that had to do with my honesty, openness, and lack of shame about this process. We teach people how to treat us. I am so glad you are here.

1sttime · Oct 7, 2014

Look at this time in a the program to work on yourself... time to explore.. time to (unfortunately) make mistakes... time to grow.

Before I fell down the rabbit hole I was certain I wanted to become a CRNA- Now that I have had time to figure out what makes me a whole person this is not in my future. I am in a weird way happy about the path that my life has taken, drug addiction and all- I imagine if you give yourself the time you will see this as life changing in a good way.

UnsavoryCharacter · Oct 7, 2014

Treatment, investigators, nursing board. Sounds exactly like my story! It's amazing to hold our heads up through this. As we should! Thank you for responding. That fear gets me everytime. Just gotta keep pressing forward!! :nurse: :)

banterings · Oct 7, 2014

[COLOR=#003366]UnsavoryCharacter,

Congratulations on your sobriety.

First off, don't be so hard on yourself. I can tell this by your screen name: UnsavoryCharacter. That implies you make your choices from a position of strength when in fact addiction is a weakness.

I have friends in AA/NA, and I have seen them keeping clean. I too have never fallen down this rabbit hole either, but I know from them. The biggest support that they get is from their sponser. Perhaps you can find a sponsor in the healthcare field.

"First things first." You need to deal with your issues, and be able to stay sober. Everything else will fall into place.

I can't speak to encumberment of your license, but under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), addiction is a disability. The ADA offers protection, but not in every situation, there are exceptions. Dispensing narcotics in a healthcare setting may be one of them. I have to imagine that the state has guidance for professionally licensed people dealing with addiction. I would start with the KARE program and see what sources of support they recommend.

They may even be able to give you some guidance on what you need to do or have a "path" to full "reinstatement" of your license.

The best thing I learned from my one friend in recovery was "Faith can move a mountain, but you still sould bring a couple shovels."

LVN2RNMom, ASN, BSN, LVN · Oct 7, 2014

I don't know much on the subject but I wanted to say how much I admire your determination. Your process is a life long one but I have a feeling that you will make it. There are many RN jobs that don't require med passing but with your personal experience, I have no doubt your knowledge will be useful to many who are suffering in the similar illness of addiction.

BaseballNut · Oct 7, 2014

I echo many of the above comments and will share my own story.

I was an ego driven, hard working, hero complex having ER nurse who happened to also be a pot smoking, poly-substance abuser who eventually became an on the job, in the bathroom, narcotic diverting IV drug user. I was still a good man, a caring and compassionate nurse and a friend to my colleagues, I just lost control of my life! A lack of self care will do that!!!!

Three months before I lost my job and had to self report to the BON, I lost my wife (and daughter) who got on a plane to her mothers and texted 3 days later to tell me she was never coming back (and hasn't)!

I was in the lowest place I could ever imagine...... Lost my wife and best friend, my daughter, my mother to cancer 2 years before that, the career I adored, my identity as a nurse, my income, my apartment and most of my possessions (except the dog, the motorcycle and some other sentimental items). Suicide? oh ya, I considered it!

But I decided to get the offered recovery, found non-nursing work until I got my monitored license back and just completed my 1st year of employment in the outpt clinic of my states mental hospital. I really enjoy psych nursing, I never thought of it before. Don't be alarmed about finding a nursing job with restrictions. Addiction touch so many lives, the lives of hiring nurse managers as well.!

Now 2.5 yrs or recovery later, I can see this was the best thing that ever happened to me. Was it hard to trudge this path, your dang right! Worth it? Every step of the way!

NutmeggeRN, BSN · Oct 8, 2014

Stay strong in your sobriety!

UnsavoryCharacter · Oct 8, 2014

Thank you for sharing!! I had my first meeting with my BON case manager this morning. The last time I saw her she made me take out my prescribed xanax and count them. I didn't believe I was addicted to them. I counted and half of the prescription was gone. It had only been a few days. Today she had so many positive things to say to me. She said that I seem so different. What a beautiful thing to hear. :) She says that I should not be deterred by my license being encumbered, that plenty of participants in the program go back to school. She also said she would fight for me to be able to do this. FIGHT for ME. :woot:

I am feeling so full of hope and gratitude today.

BaseballNut · Oct 8, 2014

So happy for you that your journey is heading in a positive direction. It can be a long ardous task at times, and often the ride gets rough, just stay the course , pray to your higher power, be brave and hang on. It does get better and you will get through it, we will get through it(I often remind myself of the same)! Congrats on todays great interaction with the BON! :yes:

UnsavoryCharacter · Oct 8, 2014

I really thought this whole situation was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But my life has really turned around because of it. I am truly grateful.

firstinfamily, RN · Oct 9, 2014

I have never been tempted by the narcotics in my work environment. I do partake in a glass or two of wine in the evenings---good for my heart you know!!! It takes all kinds to make the world go round!! We all have baggage and it is how we deal with our baggage that makes us who we are. I am so very proud of the way you have addressed the issues in your life. The road to recovery may have a few bumps, but your determination and self-discipline will get you through. Look into the programs that will enhance your learning, take a few general courses just to get your brain in the study mode. Keep on keeping on!!!